09/21/2011 01:22 EDT | Updated 11/21/2011 05:12 EST

<i>50/50</i> Indeed

Seth Rogan film 50/50 -- A movie about cancer. Touching, funny, sexually attractive?

Joseph Gordon Levitt plays a young man with 50/50 odds of surviving cancer. He is comforted by his pal Seth Rogan, and his 25-year-old therapist Katie, played by Twilight's Anna Kendrick. WHAT? More like 50/50: the odds of us believing she is a legitimate doctor!

No therapist should ever be born in the '80s, let alone be a sexy babe that also played a supporting role in the Twilight saga. I seriously trust no one that was born in the same decade as myself. I know the truth, we are all impostors who had crushes on J.T.T. and ate far too much Lickamade as children. A therapist born in the '80s? (Or god forbid, the '90s!) Pah! What life experience and knowledge of hardships can this former La Senza employee truly offer a man with a 50/50 chance of surviving cancer? Comforting and wise words such as, 'Super lame tumor, dude' or 'just tweet about it' would flow a little too easily from her mouth. A therapist's name shouldn't be 'Katie' either. It should be Dr. Glockenspiel. Or at least Susan. A REAL therapist should look like Kathy Bates or the dad from Family Ties... NOT Kristen Stewart's high school chemistry partner.

Am I supposed to believe that a young attractive man with a tumor is 'by chance' paired up with a young 25-year-old doctor who's character's name is 'Katie'? Of course you feel better when she's around, 3rd Rock from the Sun's Joseph Gordon Levitt, look at her cute shoes and her 25-year-old cleavage! You two don't look like doctor/patient. You look like boyfriend/girlfriend. And what are you doing in a therapist's office? Shouldn't you be at a funky brunch restaurant, or Ikea, or bowling ironically? I suppose the real purpose of this relationship in the movie is to remind us, society, that we need to keep cancer sexy. What's the point in getting sick if there's no chance in say, making out in the rain dramatically, or revealing to your 'girl next door' therapist, that she is a mega boner machine. And if she 'S's your D' it may in fact increase your odds of beating cancer.

Listen, I haven't seen this movie yet. And I know it's not a sex romp. But I think the idea of having a pretty cheerleader be the doctor of a young attractive cancer patient is like casting Megan Fox to play Robin William's role in Good Will Hunting. Huh, Megan Fox? Are you an old man professor, with nothing to give but knowledge and heart? Give me a break and grow a beard, you hot mess.

Of course, Anna Kendrick's character does come across as confident and grounded in the previews I've seen. But hey, you would be too if you graduated university at 14. And that's exactly what she would of had to do for me to be on board for this casting choice. I guess Doogie Howser and 'Katie', the 50/50 therapist are just brilliant phenoms and we should all be inspired. But in that dark theatre, with tears streaming down my face due to the touching moments, I will remain, not fully convinced.