12/29/2011 01:17 EST | Updated 12/29/2011 01:17 EST

Dick Cheney Could Be My New BFF


Okay, I know I'm a little late out of the gate for this revelation about the 46th vice president of the United States of America, but Dick Cheney's new book In My Time is still fresh off the presses, and I feel compelled to write about him. Now lest you think that my life in exile (I'm in Comox, B.C., Canada awaiting a K-1 Fiance Visa -- story to follow) is so boring that I might be tempted by a political memoir, allow me to explain. My youngest son, Tommy, is, for some strange reason, a serious fan of this type of literature, and while visiting said scion on the weekend, I noticed Cheney's book on his desk. I commented on it, in my snide, anti- conservative fashion, and with one quick remark, he changed my opinion of Dick Cheney forever.

"Mom," he said, with just a hint of mischief in his voice, "Did you know that Dick Cheney has two black labs, one named Jackson, and the other named Nelson?"

Allow me to explain why I was so impressed by Tommy's remark. I am the 'handler' of a 16-month-old black lab named Frankie, and have had black labs most of my life. They are the only breed I think I could really love, for a variety of excellent reasons. No matter what else you may think of Cheney, he obviously has great taste in dogs.

Furthermore, my paternal family name is Nelson, and my maternal family name is Jackson. That's right: Dick Cheney's two black labs have the noble names of my mother and father. Seriously, is that a meaningful connection or what!

Politics aside, I had to ask myself, "Can Dick Cheney really be that much of an asshole, given that he loves black labs and has given them my very own names?"

My sweetheart in America (the guy I met on the golf dating website that I am going to marry if the U.S. authorities ever let me back into the country) was thrilled when I told him I was going to write about Cheney. "You have to read the book, of course," was his comment. He's a free market Republican and a news hound who lives and breathes U.S. politics. He's downloaded Cheney's book onto his iPad and can't wait to read it.

And you know, I'd like to be able to get through a book like Cheney's, but my skeptical Canadian gut tells me that politicians' 'memoirs' do not necessarily provide accurate, unbiased accounts of historical events. And even if Dick Cheney's account of his White House years was accurate, I'd be way more interested in the book if there was some 'salacious' stuff in it. It doesn't appear that Dick, despite his somewhat suggestive name, has much 'salacious' material to write about, so it's all pretty dry to me. Besides, Donald Trump commented on Cheney's new book without reading it, and if he can do it, so can I. (For the record, Trump said Cheney's book was full of lies and that the man himself was angry and nasty -- all reasons Trump will not be reading In My Time. He probably wouldn't care about the dog thing anyway.)

Which brings me back to this blog. When I mentioned to a few friends that I was going to start writing again, they were mostly enthusiastic about my plan. But when I suggested I was going to start with my new found interest in Dick Cheney, I got some decidedly negative feedback. "But he's the anti-Christ, Shannie" was what one of my Saskatoon golf pals opined on my Facebook wall. You see, something I've witnessed since meeting my Yankee dude and spending some time in the U.S., is that we Canadians have become openly critical of our Southern neighbours, and unapologetically so.

I happen to be a strong minded mostly liberal leaning Canadian woman who is planning to live in the USA, for better or worse. And I realize that if I'm going to be happy there, I'm going to have to make new friends, maybe even Republican ones.

So I thought I'd start with Dick Cheney. After all, the 46th Vice President of the USA and I clearly have a serious bond. It's just possible that despite his politics and total lack of sexual appeal, Dick Cheney could be my new BFF.