09/25/2013 08:02 EDT | Updated 11/25/2013 05:12 EST

Affairs Never End Well - Mine Was No Different

Depressed from having no job, no man, and no life, I got a call out of the blue to interview for a teaching position. I was overjoyed. When I Googled the department chair that had called, I saw that he was good looking. I immediately figured he was married. I went in to meet him, saw the ring and knew that I was right. My heart sunk. Here was this charming, funny, handsome, tall, broad strong man and he was taken. However, after the first interview, we began texting.

After the second interview, when I got an unnecessary text from him, I smiled. And while that was interesting and made me feel powerful, it also made me sad. I knew how it would end and it had not even begun. Even so, I responded, flirted and fuelled the fire. He was responsive, kind and eager. His wife was pregnant with twins and he informed me that he was "happily married and horny as hell."

Do you think once a cheater always a cheater?

He asked if I had any cute pictures, asked to be my Facebook friend and to follow me on Instagram. He wanted to see me outside of work and we went for a walk. He told me to open up to him, to share with him, and to trust him to be a good friend to me. I was hesitant, as I had heard it all before and because this lip service was followed with numerous remarks about my looks, my body, and his fantasies involving me. It was new and exciting and he was irresistible.

After about a week, he gave me a different number to text him on, one that we could speak more "freely" on. He texted me at 3 a.m., told me that I'm "hot and funny," and said that it was "hard being around someone [he] finds intriguing and hot." He invited me to bike rides, to do errands, to "kill time" with him. He wanted to see me, but it had to be "fit" in. He was clearly on a tight leash and was already hiding me from her.

I resisted physically seeing him. I made references to his wife, to him not being available in a way that made me feel respectable. He would say he was shocked to be having such a deep, serious conversation after such a short amount of time. I felt that the length of time was irrelevant in regards to that respect. Friend or lover, one month or one year, we all deserve to be treated with care.

More essays from The Purple Fig

Each round of interviews, each time I saw him, the sexual tension rose, and the encounters became more and more heated. He continuously told me he wanted me. While he made that clear, he also made it clear that his wandering eye had caused a separation between him and his wife years before and that he would not go down that road again. He now had a son with two more kids on the way and would not throw it away for sex. He wanted to be friends.

Against my better judgment, we met one night at 11 p.m. in the parking lot of an office building. We hugged, talked, and he kissed my forehead. He told me he was glad he met me and that he wanted to be good friends for a long time. He then became hard against my thigh and clammy against my hands. He was antsy and nervous. When he was sitting on his bike, I leaned in, wrapped my hands around his neck and kissed him. I knew he wanted me.

He kissed back, slowly inching his tongue into my mouth and against mine. It was passionate and tender. When the kiss finally ended, he shivered and rode off on his bike, like a giddy teenager with a hard on, back home to his wife.

The next day, after our usual constant texting, he called. I assumed it was for flirtatious reasons. Instead, it was to tell me that after all the hoops I jumped through to get the job, after he assured me I had it, after he introduced me to his colleagues as a new instructor, he was going to pass. I was devastated, for many reasons.

He had built up my expectations, but I knew this amazing opportunity had been too good to be true. And I was distraught because I would not be working with him. I would have no reason to text him, call him, see him, and kiss him.

I texted him to vent. Every day for weeks he had responded and now, there was nothing. So I told him that I didn't appreciate being ignored, that I couldn't believe today of all days, he was choosing to leave me hanging.

He then apologized, told me he would pray for me and basically told me to fuck off.

Yes, I had genuinely wanted the job, and yes, I think it was unfair that I did not get it. But I knew I had side stepped a land mine. I knew that if I had worked with him day after day, I was going to get hurt. I knew because I had lived it before. I knew because I was caught up and unable to disengage. I knew because we had already crossed a line and I had not even been hired. I knew because of his nonchalant ability to leave my life, and before doing so texting paragraphs of blame, insults, judgment and bizarre absurdity. He had taken up almost all of my thoughts for weeks, and I was a fleeting blimp on his screen. He was a cheating, selfish liar like the ones before him.

I don't care what he tells you or what you tell yourself, he will not leave his woman. And you don't want him to. If a man will lie, cheat, break vows, and risk his family and fortune, that is not a real man and certainly not the kind you want to be with. Trust me, I know all too well.

By Janna Goldstein

The Purple Fig is a community where women share personal and relatable stories; no ego, no shame. We're about life, love and all of the stuff that makes us yearn, squirm, and giggle. These stories make up the authentic and intriguing journey of a woman.

Sign up for The Purple Fig newsletter coming out every Monday.

Visit The Purple Fig

On Facebook

On Twitter

Can An Affair Make A Marriage Stronger?