Listen guys: your face needs attention. In fact, your whole body needs attention, but we'll leave that for another article. In this day and age, there are just no excuses for not looking your best.
First off, all hair is different. And if you're balding at the crown, try Minoxidil (the chief ingredient in Rogaine) and use it twice a day until your hair starts to grow back. It works for a lot of men. There is a guy in my life who now has hair where once, hair dare not grow. There is also Propecia, which works, too (some men have reported experiencing sexual side effects, however, the risk appears to be low).
For the more high maintenance, there's a new treatment for thinning hair called platelet-rich plasma (PRP) therapy. This process involves drawing blood, spinning it to separate out the plasma and stem cells, which are then injected into your scalp. The results can be amazing. While this may all seem a tad pricey, take another look in the mirror, and remember that L'Oreal approves: because you're worth it!
If you do have hair, the look du jour is loose, soft and dry. As in, the opposite of a young Justin Timberlake or Ross from Friends. The "wet head" look is as out as a Heidi Klum reject on "Project Runway." Now, we look to the runway shows of ACNE, Bottega Veneta and David Hart where dry, almost beachy hair reigned. Matte finish hair products, such as Patrick's M1 Matte Finish Light Hold Pomade or Boogie's Casual Hair Clay use natural clay to keep the greasy scalps at bay.
Dry shampoo from Klorane and Rene Furterer do a great job, too (however, the word "shampoo" is misleading, as you are just adding more product rather than cleaning). Sea salt spray is another great option to gain the parched and effortless look of today's hair (I like Original Mineral Surf Bomb Sea Salt Texture Spray myself). HOWEVER, if you're looking to save money on product, plain old baking soda works miracles on greasy hair. Miracles.
Pro tip: When you get out of the shower, blot the bulk of water from your hair, add the product to your now damp hair, and then air dry. Just think: what would Laird Hamilton do? Who is Laird Hamilton? Click here.
Two facts: You look better sun-kissed, yet the sun is bad for you. The solution? Get a tinted moisturizer (I use EltaMD). And if you're embarrassed about it, hide it, and your girl or guy won't know that you put a second into your appearance.
Eyebrows are really in right now (think Peter Gallagher). If you have no brows, don't fret; there are a few things you can do. Get an eyebrow pencil a shade or two darker than your eyebrows, and draw them in. CoverGirl is at every drugstore and has every colour. Or, get them dyed professionally, but make damn sure that that beautician knows you want them to look fuller -- NOT SHAPED. Tell her you will rain down the fires of Yelp hell on him or her if they make you look like Divine (see below).
Failing all of that, tattoo artists come to your rescue! It's called micro-pigmentation and they essentially draw tiny lines that look like hairs to fill in your brows. Pro athletes, including David Beckham and ex-Manchester United star, Quinton Fortune, had micro-pigmentation on their scalps to combat the appearance of balding. Then the ladies realized they could use it on their brows, and here we are. Women have always known that eyebrows are the face's frames, and now men must follow suit.
Pro tip: No uni-brows -- there should always be two.
Beards are tricky, and most guys think they are getting away with having a weaker chin by bearding up. That's fine, in theory, but they do require just the right amount of manicuring. BUT, if your beard is patchy and much thicker on your neck than the cheeks or upper lip -- I'm sorry to say this, but you may want to give the beard a pass. So, buy beard balm by Bearded Chap, get an electric razor, clip on a four or a six, and tidy the whole thing up. And may the Lord have mercy on your soul if you use facial hair to contour your face.
Brush your teeth, and replace your toothbrush every few months. Why, you may ask? Because, GERMS. Every time you flush the toilet, you're blasting those germs all over the room (a.k.a. where your toothbrush resides). Use Crest Pro-Health Advanced Extra Deep Clean toothpaste if you're simple, and Marvis Jasmin-Mint if you're fancy. Mouth wash (such as Listerine) is also a must. Just like taxes, is painful but necessary.
As for the lips? They are just another thing that should never be too shiny on a dude. Kiehl's Facial Fuel No-Shine Moisturizing Lip Balm is always a safe bet.
Guys, I know it's not as easy to be a man as it once was. You now need to put effort into looking good, without looking like you've done a thing. So close and lock the bathroom door, stash your bag of beauty potions in the toilet tank and above all else, keep it tight!
A version of this column by Matthew Reinhold originally appeared on VULKAN Magazine.
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