11/21/2017 17:39 EST | Updated 11/21/2017 17:42 EST

Conservatives Hate Trudeau's Photo-Ops Because They're Jealous

They wish they could do that stuff, too.

Sean Kilpatrick/The Canadian Press
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau speaks as the the Grey Cup visits Parliament Hill in Ottawa on Tuesday, Nov. 21, 2017.

Conservatives don't like Justin Trudeau. They really, really don't like him.

This writer is a regular on Evan Solomon's CFRA radio show with Alise Mills and Karl Belanger. My friends Alise and Karl are articulate and thoughtful advocates (unlike me), and they are prepared to criticize their own political party when it is warranted (like me).

Evan invites us onto his much-listened-to show, we are told, because we don't just parrot partisan talking points. There's too much of that on the airwaves — particularly over at CBC — and Solomon prefers panellists who are prepared to offer the occasional mea culpa.

Alise is (notionally) the Conservative strategist, Karl is (usually) the New Democrat strategist, and I am cast in the role of Liberal strategist (mostly). One topic, last week: Prime Minister Justin Trudeau's visit with the Philippines' madman, Rodrigo Duterte, and whether Trudeau would raise Duterte's human rights violations.

I vigorously defended Trudeau, and insisted that he would do so (and he did). On every international excursion, I said, Trudeau has never hesitated to press human rights issues.

Alise, however, was having none of it. And she was intently focused on one part of Trudeau's Philippines visit in particular: the part where Trudeau popped by a fried chicken place in Manila to get something to eat. He had a lot of cameras in tow, as prime ministers usually do.

Romeo Ranoco/Reuters
Philippines' President Rodrigo Duterte holds hands with Canada Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for a family photo during the ASEAN-Canada 40th anniversary commerative summit in metro Manila, Philippines, Nov. 14, 2017.

Trudeau charmed the locals, ordered the chicken, and left.

Alise, however, was mightily unimpressed. And, if you were to eyeball the offerings of the conservative commentariat — and, inter alia, conservative commenters online — you'll see she is not alone. They went bananas about something that seemed quite innocent.

I have pondered all this, and come up with a theory. Here it is: conservatives know that Justin Trudeau is arguably the best retail politician Canada has had since my former boss, Jean Chretien. When it comes to glad-handing and baby-balancing, Trudeau is without equal. When you think about it, you might agree that there isn't an elected politician alive who is as good at this mano-a-mano stuff as Justin Trudeau.

Now, of course, he overdoes it sometimes. His Superman stunt on Halloween was, as Mashable noted, "a little bit too self-aware." Sniffed Mashable's guy: "Trudeau is clearly fishing for more media attention, a tactic his administration has used for some time now. While Trudeau may be the darling politician to some, his obvious PR moves are getting old real quick."

Maybe. Perhaps.

Distilled down to its base elements, their ideology is misanthropy. So, they avoid interactions with other humans wherever and whenever possible.

But if we're being fair, we have to acknowledge that every politician, everywhere, fishes for media attention. They all do stunts. The aforementioned Chretien, for instance, rode on scooters and water skis. Trudeau's dad did pirouettes. Bill Clinton donned sunglasses and played the saxophone. Barack Obama went kite-surfing, mugged with countless kids, and openly loved his wife.

Wait: that's not "every politician." That's just progressive politicians.

And therein lies the best explanation for Alise's pique: conservative partisans detest Justin Trudeau because he (like Messrs. Chretien, Clinton, Obama, et al.) is really good at visuals. And conservative politicians generally aren't.

Stephen Harper, at the Calgary Stampede, dressed up like a wretched Woody in Toy Story. Robert Stanfield famously fumbling a football. Joe Clark losing his luggage and walking into a soldier's bayonet. And Blandy Scheer, who just last week released a commercial — innovatively titled "I'm Andrew Scheer" — that was so bad, and so fundamentally weird, you half-expect David Lynch to appear in it, too, holding an owl and a log and talking backwards.

Todd Korol/Reuters
Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper (L) is greeted by Stampede president David Chalack during the Calgary Stampede in Calgary, Alta., July 3, 2009.

Conservatives aren't very good at photo ops. They just aren't. Watch Donald Trump, the Mango Mussolini, the next time he is compelled to shake someone's extended hand in the Rose Garden. He usually looks at it like it is a wet dog turd — or, conversely, he latches onto it like a barnacle on the underside of a barge. It makes for fun television.

Conservatives, in their tiny black hearts, know this about themselves. Distilled down to its base elements, their ideology is misanthropy. So, they avoid interactions with other humans wherever and whenever possible.

Trudeau, meanwhile, doesn't. It's the one thing he's really good at.

And that's why conservatives hate him when he does selfies and baby-balancing and cheery photo ops.

They wish they could do that stuff, too, and they're jealous.

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