Huffpost Canada Living ca

Men Won't Talk About Their Feelings Because They Don't See The Point, Study Says

Posted: Updated:
Print

There's a reason your man never gives more than a blank stare when the conversation between you gets serious, and it's not because he's afraid to talk about his feelings. It's because he just doesn't see the point.

In studies of more than 2,000 school-aged children, Dr. Amanda Rose of the University of Missouri has discovered boys and girls are fundamentally different when it comes to talking about their feelings. While girls love nothing more than to yap at length about what's bothering them, boys tend to keep quiet -- and not because they're embarrassed; they just see it as a waste of time.

"For years, popular psychologists have insisted boys and men would like to talk about their problems, but are held back by fears of embarrassment or appearing weak," Rose says in a statement. "However, when we asked young people how talking about their problems would make them feel, boys didn't express angst or distress about discussing problems any more than girls. Instead, boys' responses suggest they just don't see talking about problems to be a particularly useful activity."

That's fine for school-aged boys, but what about men who know better? Rose suggests their early aversion to talking about their feelings is something they carry with them into manhood: "Men may be more likely to think talking about problems will make the problems feel bigger and engaging in different activities will take their minds off of the problem. Men may just not be coming from the same place as their partners."

So if they're not gushing about their problems to their friends and family like we do, how do men cope with their feelings? By keeping busy with activities that keep their mind off things, says Rose. Maybe this explains why your man spends so much time in his shop/garage/man cave.

It's something positive men might be onto -- it seems many of us women might actually be over-talking our feelings and making ourselves kind of crazy in the process. Females who talk their problems out too often are in danger of engaging in "excessive problem talk," which causes stress and anxiety. It's a classic case of completely obsessing over something that's not that big of deal and then inevitably blowing it out of proportion.

No matter what, though, communication is key to any relationship and sharing feelings with your spouse, family and friends is usually a positive thing. Just remember to be respectful of other communication styles.

Around the Web

What Men Want in a Relationship « Power to Change

Men, Emotions and Relationships - iloveyouloveme.com

Men, women and emotions – or why he never tells you how he's ...

40 Things Every Woman Must Know About Men, Love, Sex and ...

Aha! Understanding the mind games men play - Relationships ...

Men, women and workplace communication

Why Can't Men Love Like Women?