Can Men And Women Ever Really Be Friends?

First Posted: 12/12/2011 9:38 am Updated: 12/12/2011 9:38 am

It's the question that inevitably gets brought up at some point during a late night conversation between 18-year-old students: can men and women ever really be friends?

Most famously expounded upon by Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan's characters in "When Harry Met Sally", this video put together at Utah State University draws its own conclusions from a selected group of students. Spoiler alert: things haven't changed much since that 1989 movie. Men think just being friends is basically impossible, while women have no problem with it at all.

While it's hilarious to see the distinction between the sexes, the staunch divide also seems to reveal another truth. For men, friendships can't possibly occur with someone to whom they're attracted, but for women, that underlying tension doesn't really faze them. Having feelings for someone doesn't mean you can't hang out with them -- it just means that right now, and possibly forever, they're firmly in the 'friend' category.

That kind of candor might explain why "girl crushes" abound, while "bromances" are the subject of hardy-har-har slapstick comedies. If women can easily acknowledge an attraction amongst friends, it's not about whether or not it can happen -- it's how well both parties can deal with it. But that's a topic for another video.

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Do you think men and women can really be friends?

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It's the question that inevitably gets brought up at some point during a late night conversation between 18-year-old students: can men and women ever really be friends? Most famously expounded upon...
It's the question that inevitably gets brought up at some point during a late night conversation between 18-year-old students: can men and women ever really be friends? Most famously expounded upon...
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
KayoFrisco
Psychology and Special Education Instructor
11:36 PM on 01/10/2012
I have seen young, single men and women have a tough time being friends without sex and romance getting in the way. Later on as people pair off, it may be easier to have opposite sex platonic friends when there is no sexual tension. Later on in life, older men and women, married or single, may just be more settled and know who they want to spend social time with according to common interests, whether they be men or women. When hormones cool down, people can think more clearly and better weigh the prospect of sex and romance versus unnecessary complications and cheap drama messing up a good friendship.
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jf12
Esta vez saldré como las otras y me escaparé.
01:04 PM on 12/13/2011
Men tend not to believe it because of the way women act, which is too contrary to what women say. Yes, it is that simple.

It is certain that women would like to be around men they are attracted to, even if they're "just friends". But that subset of men is extremely small, compared to the enormous number of men they are not attracted to. For those men, the women also do not want particularly to be friends, in no small measure due to the fact that many of those undesirable men are nevertheless attracted to those women. Yes, it is that simple.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
anchises868
eminently reasonable, never extreme
02:10 PM on 12/12/2011
Of the 15 percent of people who said no, how many of you actually believe that men and women can't be friends? How many of you just voted that way to be contrary?

Speaking for myself, of course, there are plenty of women whose company I truly enjoy, who would do anything for me and for whom I would do anything, and in whom I have no sexual interest. Are you saying that it's impossible for me to be friends with them?

There are also lots of women whose company I truly enjoy, who would do anything for me and for whom I would do anything, and in whom I have some sexual interest. But I can always set that aside. Is it impossible for me to be friends with them as long as there is some unrequited sexual whatever on my part?