Canada is out for world currency domination, and the country’s plan is to hook young Americans on glow-in-the-dark dinosaur coins.
At least that’s Stephen Colbert’s take on the recent Royal Canadian Mint announcement that it’s releasing glow-in-the-dark coins featuring Alberta dinosaurs.
“There are no challengers to America’s currency domination -- until now,” Colbert began his report, introducing a clip about the proposal for Iceland to adopt the Canadian dollar.
Colbert didn’t mention that, as of now, the idea appears to be dead in the water, with the Icelandic government moving towards EU accession and, presumably, towards integration with the euro.
But that didn’t stop Colbert’s audience from getting a few chuckles out of the idea that Iceland would adopt the loonie.
But it was the Royal Canadian Mint’s new glow-in-the-dark coins that really got Colbert steamed. The faux pundit argued the coins are a clever ploy to get American kids hooked on Canadian currency.
“What are [kids] going to prefer? A glow-in-the-dark dino quarter, or this green rectangle with a creepy old pervert on it?” he asked, as a picture of Ben Franklin in the U.S. $100 bill appeared on screen.
“We must fight this before we lose a generation of young Americans to the scourge of Canadian politeness and fiscal sanity,” he continued. “U.S. Mint, get to work on a scratch and sniff dollar. Or maybe a 3-D dime where FDR’s head turns towards you and yells, ‘die Nazis’!”
And he had some advice on energy policy as well for the country he referred to as America's "poutine-sucking, health-care addicted nemesis to the north."
“Canada, you keep your dinosaurs where they belong -- liquefied in the oil sands and pumped directly into our gas tanks!”
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