Music fandom is well represented on the online craft and vintage marketplace known as Etsy. If you’re a musician of any stature at all, chances are that some of your fans, or at least some crafty (in all senses of the word) people who would like to exploit your fans, have made all sorts of wild and wonderful things in your honour.
But there’s something extra special and strange about the Taylor Swift-themed arts and crafts currently available on Etsy. When the sugary sweet, twee and potentially cloying sounds of the pretty pop princess meet the sugary sweet, twee and potentially cloying world of artisanal prayer candles, zombie art and curated naked dolls, all sorts of inspiring and perplexing things can happen.
Here are 10 of the most amusing Taylor Swift arts and crafts we found on Etsy:
Hand-Painted Taylor Swift Toilet Seat
Once upon a time, Swift sang about the teardrops on her guitar. But another bodily fluid could well be sprinkling her visage if you were to buy and use this hot pink and hand-painted toilet seat. The artist also sells a Katy Perry version if that’s more your speed. Sadly, there is no R. Kelly toilet seat.
Taylor Swift Ex-Boyfriends Prayer Candle With "Mine" Quote
This prayer candle, which features a cadre of ex-boyfriend heads swarming a perpetually surprised Taylor Swift and a quote from "Mine," might be the best use of Mod Podge in the history of glue-sealed decoupage. Or at least the best use of Mod Podge since the very same artist made a "Friday Night Lights"-themed "Tejas Para Siempre" prayer candle with <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/117670889/tim-riggins-tejas-para-siempre-prayer?" target="_blank">Tim Riggins' face</a> pasted on top of the Virgin Mary.
Taylor Swift & Shakespeare Lyrical Poster
Tricksy artist BreyLane, who crafts portraits of pop artists in their own lyrics, pulls a fast one on Taylor's fans in this poster. While the Taylor portrait begins with the lines from "Love Story," the Swiftness of its lyrical content is soon interrupted with the line "Yo, Taylor. I'm really happy for you. And I'mma let you finish. But Shakespeare had one of the best stories of all time." The rest of the poster is made up of lines from "Romeo and Juliet."
CUSTOM Commissioned 3D Wall Art
Speaking of Taylor Swift and Kanye West’s infamous and meme-y MTV altercation, here it is reimagined...IN 3D FELT. Both Swift’s stunned expression and Kanye West’s haircut have been painstakingly replicated in this work of "I don't understand why it was made but I think I like it" art.
POP STAR Girl Group — Barbie, Britney, Posh Spice, Taylor Swift And Hannah Montana (Mixed Up Set)
This collection of used Britney, Posh Spice, Barbie, Hannah Montana and Taylor Swift dolls can spark all sorts of spirited debate: Where are their clothes? Why has this vendor chosen to sell them together by whimsically calling them a “HOMEMADE -POP STAR GIRL GROUP?” Why do only some of them have underpants? And is this an inspired commentary on the prefab, plastic, interchangeable and disposable nature of pop music stars, or just a seriously half-assed way to get rid of some old toys?
Taylor Swift Cross Stitch Pattern 002
The problem with this cross stitch pattern of Taylor Swift looking all sweet and saintly in white lace and a halo of perfectly blonde hair isn't that it's ugly or bad in any way. It is, in fact, rather lovely. The problem is that it might, in fact, be a little <em>too </em>accurate, which could potentially land the finished product right in the middle of the uncanny valley. In other words, we worry that a cross-stitched Taylor Swift would want to eat our souls.
LOVE STORY Inspired By Taylor Swift Whipped Body Butter Lotion (4oz.)
Taylor Swift is no stranger to the perfume and cosmetic world, but this scented whipped body butter isn't based on her Wonderstruck and Wonderstruck Enchanted fragrances. It's just a vaguely sweet smell that happens to make the lotion and sugar scrub artisan think of the "Love Story" singer. Or at least think about the money she could make by naming something after her.
Taylor Swift Unholy Pop Grind Patch
Retirement Fund shop owner Matt Gauck has crafted a series of patches that feature metal-style logos for pop artists like Katy Perry and Carly Rae Jepsen in an effort to "bridge the gap between grind/metalheads and pop music fans, as they are sometimes the same person." Here's what he has to say about his Taylor Swift patch: "Taylor Swift. She rules. Her music, that is. I actually don't know anything about her personal life, but let's move on. Her music rules, it's catchy, it gets all up in your brain, and then you're stuck with it. I feel the same about bands like Gride, Birdflesh, Agathocles, and stuff like that. We're all friends. I bet Taylor Swift has like 10 Godstomper shirts, or at least an In Disgust patch or something."
Dear Taylor Swift, Maybe You're The Problem — Pinback Button Badge
We're all talked about Taylor's boy troubles. She’s sung about them. And now your favourite bitter Harry, Jake, John, Jonas and/or Kennedy fan can wear this passive aggressive pinback about them on his or her backpack.
Taylor Swift And John Mayer Print
Speaking of the pop princess's boy troubles, here’s a playful print of a zombie Taylor Swift holding the severed and potentially shrunken head of John Mayer in her hand. What’s really impressive about this artwork is that, even in undeath, TayTay manages to maintain her trademark look of stunned surprise.