It was a schlong spree, a rod rampage, a member bender -- but that's all over now. Or is it?
Windsor's now-infamous penis shrub bandit struck again last week, spelling out "PENIS" in shrubbery on the city's waterfront.
It wasn't the first time the dick desperado has laid topiary waste to Windsor's well-manicured waterfront bushes. His two previous outings also made headlines, and even caught the eye of Jimmy Kimmel.
But now the shaft shenanigans may be at an end. The city has removed the remaining shrubs, leaving nothing but a barren pile of dirt behind.
But it may not have all be for naught. Windsor’s executive director of parks and facilities told the National Post he might just give the phallus pirate a job if he comes in from the cold.
Now, that's something we can all stand behind.
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The penis of the African elephant is not just the largest of any land animal -- it's also prehensile. Here's an elephant displaying his gigantic appendage at the Kruger National Park in South Africa.
The blue whale has the largest penis of any living organism at an average length of 8 to 10 feet. Here's the preserved, dried tip of a blue whale penis on display at the Icelandic Phallological Museum in Reykjavík, Iceland.
Echidnas are not only extraordinary for being among the last surviving monotremes (a branch of mammals that lay eggs), but also for having weird, four-headed penises. Here's the penis of a Tasmanian echidna.
Here's the crazy corkscrew-shaped penis of <em>Cairina moschata</em>, also known as the Aylesbury duck, which is a breed of domesticated duck.
The penis of a humpback whale is normally concealed within the animal's genital slit until it is extruded. This video shows the penis of a humpback whale near Ha'apai in the Kingdom of Tonga.
Southern Right Whale
The ginormous testicles of right whales actually rival those of blue whales, and are among the largest of any animal. This video shows a rare Southern Right Whale mating group.
Alligators sport permanently erect penises, according to recent research. Here is video of a dissected alligator's penis that snaps into mating position when the pelvic nerve is tugged.
Young female hyenas produce hormones that cause the clitoris to swell, resulting in a large "psuedo-penis." Skip to 1:23 in the video for a better look.
Relative to body size, barnacles have the longest penis of any animals. Here, a video shows the penis in action.
The tapir also has one of the highest penis-to-body size ratios. Here's a video to see the tapir penis for yourself.
Mating is painful for female cats. It's not the biting that hurts -- it's the male's penis, which has over 100 tiny barbs. Here is video of how a cat's barbed penis works.
The equivalent of a penis in snakes and lizards is the hemipenis, which is kept inverted within the body until needed. Here's the hemipenis of a crested gecko (<em>Rhacodactylus ciliatus</em>), which hails from southern New Caledonia, an archipelago in the Pacific Ocean.
The penis of an orb-web spider detaches after sex. Here's a view of the detachable penis (left); a male without one is on the right.
With all those violent-looking spikes, the penis of <em>Callosobruchus maculatus</em>, or Bruchid beetle, is pretty scary. Here's a close-up look.
The penis of the freshwater <em>Gambusia quadruncus</em>, also known as a Llanos Mosquitofish, has four hooks with which to grab females. Here's a magnified view of the genitalia.