To which the only answer must be, "F****** if we know."
Stewart kicks things off with a CNN news segment where the reporter begins, "Believe it or not, things just keep getting worse for Toronto Mayor Rob Ford."
"Believe it or not, they're getting worse?" rails Stewart. "I've never heard anything more believable in my life."
After listing examples of news stories he says would be more surprising to hear about Ford — "Believe it or not, I just read this really interesting piece in the New Yorker by Rob Ford" — he recaps the mayor's increasingly long list of egregious faux pas, and asks, "So, what did Sir Smokes A Lot Of Crack do now?"
Cue much merriment over the latest revelations of the mayor's alleged connection to a jailhouse beating.
"What? Is Rob Ford trying to take control of the cell block before his inevitable arrival?" Stewart quips.
Segueing sweetly into the latest news of Canada's other currently troubled son, Justin Bieber, Stewart flips up an image of the pair with the label, "2 Broken Guys" slapped across the top and asks, "What the f***'s going on in Canada?"
Watch the full video here.