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'Lost Girl' Season 5 Premiere Recap: To Hell And Back

12/10/2014 04:31 EST | Updated 12/10/2014 04:59 EST
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*** WARNING: Contains spoilers! Please do not read on unless you've seen Season 5, Episode 1 of "Lost Girl," titled "Like Hell, Pt. 1." Or if you don't mind spoilers, go right ahead! ***

Welcome back, "Lost Girl" fans!

She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain...

We open with Bo climbing a Grand Canyon-esque rock formation, singing “She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain.” In an eagle's nest at the top, she finds the second hellshoe. Her descent doesn't go smoothly and she falls to the ground where three rednecks find her battered body. When they suggest taking advantage of her, she goes into a triple chi suck, heals herself, and leaves the boys to ponder their actions.

Bo returns home to her new roomie, Tamsin. Bo says that she has the second hellshoe and is going to Valhalla for Kenzi. Tamsin is distraught by this and tries to convince Bo not to go, but won't say why. There's no talking Bo out of it. The first hellshoe is no longer at the loft, so Bo heads to the Dal to retrieve it. Bo tells Trick and Dyson that she’s going for Kenzi. She knows they're concerned, but they know better than to try stopping her. Dyson says he wishes he could go along, and it’s not because he swore fealty to Bo, but because he loved Kenzi, too.

Bo takes the hellshoes and goes to see Lauren at “Marquise Medical Clinic,” where the Doc is treating Fae ailments (faelments?) of all kinds. I'm intrigued by this since I thought Lauren would be dealing with the fallout from turning The Morrigan human, but it almost looks like it somehow worked in her favour. In fact, it looks like The Morrigan may have a hand in this clinic, since her name is Evony Fleurette Marquise!

Valhalla, I am Coming

Back to the reason Bo is at the clinic ... she wants Lauren to monitor her once the hellshoes are on. Lauren tells Bo she needs time to prepare, but Bo doesn't wait. She puts the shoes on, and they disappear, and then Bo disappears, too! We flash to Bo ascending a winding staircase and at the top, she's greeted by a woman in pink, Freyja. The woman welcomes Bo, thinking she's a florist, but Freyja realizes this is not the case.

Freyja: "Why in the name of my glorious afterlife were you fondling my flower?”

Bo: “Well that’s a great set-up for a joke…”

Bo tells Freyja that she’s looking for a friend, and Freyja instructs her to check in. When Bo witnesses how those without a reservation are treated, she comes up with another plan: using her Succubus powers of persuasion to borrow a maid’s uniform.

T Is for Tamsin. Also, Tits

Lauren goes to Tamsin for the 411 on Valhalla, and the Valkyrie isn’t so welcoming. This leads to one of the best exchanges EVER.

Lauren: You have to tell me everything that you know about the under realms?

Tamsin: Eat a sack of tits.

Lauren: Sorry, what did you say to me?

Tamsin: Eat. A sack. Of tits.

Lauren: Right. OK. Why?

Tamsin: Because then your mouth would be full of tits and I wouldn’t have to listen to your dumbass voice.

Tamsin won’t tell Lauren about Valhalla and why she needs to stay away, but she gives the Doc a diary. Lauren then calls Tam out -- everyone else has made sacrifices so far, except for Tamsin.

Follow The Chocolate Fingerprint

Back in Valhalla, Bo is in the maid’s uniform and on an elevator with thousands of buttons, when she comes across one button with a chocolatey fingerprint. Could it be? Bo enters a room to find a couture-clad Kenzi snacking on chocolates dipped in Nutella. Their enthusiastic reunion takes a quick pause as they test each other to make sure neither is an imposter. They both pass the test and start catching up. Kenzi starts telling Bo about a party she’s hosting when they're interrupted by a phone call. Kenzi answers:

“Hello mouth-breather. If you want to play stalker from 'The Bodyguard,' try Whitney’s room.”

Oh Kenzi. I'm elated to have you back!

When Bo asks who it is, Kenzi tells her it's the “blue light hotel perv” who calls all the time. Blue light, you say? That blue light reminds me of certain gal’s eyes when she’s channelling her Dark side. Kenzi makes one thing clear: even though this place doesn’t look horrible, she wants Bo to bust her out.

Over at the Dal, Lauren is stressing over the horrors that Bo and Kenzi are being subjected to and wonders why Tamsin just couldn’t give them the deets on Valhalla, and Trickopedia actually tells us why: a Valkyrie’s blood is bound by secrecy. If they discuss details of the other worlds, they die. I’d say that’s a good reason for Tamtam keeping her lips sealed. Trick also shares that souls are assigned to different realms.

Dyson reads from Tam’s diary and they learn that: 1) The hellshoes allow a non-Valkyrie to enter Valhalla on the Bifröst — a bridge or portal that connects the different realms, and 2) The wearer of the shoes can collect souls to build a dark army to end all life.

Someone wanted Bo to have those shoes and help bring hell to earth. As Lauren points out, this is much bigger than bringing Kenzi back. How will they get to Valhalla without Tamsin? Lauren remembers that Massimo had some of Tamsin’s hair and that it can unlock things. Meanwhile, Tamsin's already gone to Valhalla to deliver a soul from Lauren's clinic, and to talk with Freyja. Tamsin’s made too many deals with the wrong people to easily gain back the trust of her Valkyrie sisters. Tamsin has to clean up her mess, and part of it is dealing with blue light dude.

Pictures Of You

There’s a knock at Kenzi’s door, and she finds a picture of her and Hale -- one that she thought she destroyed. On the back, it says, “See you soon, little mama” in Hale’s chicken scratch. Bo takes another look at the invitation for Kenzi's party, and discovers that it’s a wedding invitation ... for Kenzi and Hale! Kenzi doesn't believe this is happening. Bo responds that she wants Kenzi to be happy, whether on earth with her friends, or in Valhalla with Hale. Kenzi says she’d do anything to see Hale again, so maybe she should go through with this wedding and see what happens.

Back to Tamsin ... the blue light phone rings and she answers with:

“Eyes both brown and blue, virtuous yet lustful, heart both strong and gentle, neither dark nor light, yet both. She is yours.”

Kenzi runs into Tamsin in the lobby and is happy to see her at first, but quickly realizes that Tamsin’s consumed by a mission to find Bo and will take down anything or anyone that stands in her way. Kenzi manages to escape to her room, but Tamsin follows her. In an homage to “The Shining,” Tamsin busts through the door with an axe and declares, “Here’s Tammy!” Bo arrives and they fight until Bo breaks through to the Valkyrie. Tamsin tearfully says this is why she didn’t want to return to Valhalla. The blue light phone rings and Tamsin says it’s the person who hired her to find Bo. Tamsin had thought it was the Wanderer, but it turns out that it’s someone way more powerful, and he’s expecting to get what he asked for.

My Best Friend's Wedding

Over at the wedding, Kenzi looks like a silver screen starlet in a stunning white dress. Bo, her maid of honour, gives Kenzi her something old (a handkerchief from Joan of Arc), something new (a box of matches from the gift shop), something borrowed (Bo’s dagger garter), and while Bo thinks she missed the something blue, Kenzi says Bo is her something blue. I loved their little exchange before heading in.

Bo: “You’re beautiful. You ready?”

Kenzi: “To get married dead? Yeah, it’s what every little girl dreams about.”

They make their way up the aisle. There’s a glaring white light and a shadowy figure waiting at the altar. Bo is hit with a feeling that almost renders her breathless, and offers to go ahead and make sure everything is OK. As Bo gets closer, she sees a man in a black suit and a white fedora that looks like it could be Hale, but there’s a burst of light and all that remains is the hat among white petals.

Freyja enters and says she sent Hale back. When Kenzi sacrificed herself, she promised herself to someone else, but Tamsin brought Kenzi to Valhalla. Now Kenzi must be sent to this other person -- Bo’s father! Bo intervenes and asks Freyja to send Kenzi home and take her instead, since Bo is who daddy really wants. Tamsin interrupts and says that since Bo entered wearing the hellshoes, she’s permitted to take Kenzi, her claimed human, home with her. Even though Kenzi says she felt Hale and he was happy, it’s not her time and she wants to go home with Bo. Remember how Bo unclaimed Kenzi at the end of Season 4? Kenzi was not reclaimed before the deal was made, but Freyja will release Kenzi, and Bo is sucked through a portal.

Tamsin learns from one of her Valkyrie sisters, Stacey -- who is Freyja’s right hand -- that the books are now unbalanced since Kenzi was released. Freyja needs another soul to replace her, specifically someone close to Bo.

The Writing's On The Wall

Dyson and Lauren go to the wall with the runic graffiti, the same one where Dyson found Tamsin after delivering Kenzi's soul to Valhalla. Lauren has Tamsin’s lock of hair in hand, and chants until the closed gates of Valhalla appear. Dyson channels his wolf and breaks open the gates, and behind him, Lauren goes all black scary eyes. She delivers a message: Kenzi has been delivered back to her body, and Dyson is trespassing. Lauren falls back, drops the lock of hair that disappears in a flame, and says, “Kenzi.”

Buried, Not Married

Remember the little gifts that Bo gave Kenzi right before the wedding? We see a match light up, and there’s Kenzi, still in her wedding dress, and she’s buried alive in her coffin! She says “Help” as the flame extinguishes. Hopefully those other little gifts will help her break free, or keep her alive until her friends arrive to rescue her!

The episode ends with Bo in the elevator, a blue light illuminating one of the buttons. She pushes it, saying, “You want me, here I come.” Could we be meeting FaeDaddy at last?

What did you think of the Season 5 premiere of “Lost Girl”? Was Kenzi's return as much of a surprise to you as it was to me? Will she be rescued from her grave in time? And how do you think Bo's inevitable family reunion will go down?

You can read recaps and more over at The Televixen.

'Lost Girl' Season 5