LIVING

Emergency Breakfast Required: 14 Signs You Might Suffer From Sleepworking

10/05/2015 11:11 EDT | Updated 10/08/2015 10:59 EDT
JGI/Jamie Grill via Getty Images
Pacific Islander businesswoman yawning at desk

It happened again.

You zoned out at work. You’re not sure how long it’s been, but your inbox is suddenly full again, and you’re late for a meeting you came in early for. You try to talk to your coworkers, but your own voice sounds like a slow-motion replay in your ears. How did it come to this?

Think back. Maybe you skipped breakfast, or maybe you decided that a handful of stale cereal on the way out the door was good enough. You have missed the morning meal you’ve come to rely on to prevent your brain from becoming a glorified gelatin sculpture, and now you’re suffering the consequences.

You, my friend, are sleepworking. Here are 12 common symptoms that can be averted by immediately seeking out a fresh and satisfying breakfast. If you, or anyone close to you, are exhibiting these symptoms, please direct delicious food directly to their mouths in an orderly and efficient manner. Thank you.

To make up for your lack of a fresh breakfast, you cannot stop chugging water.

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And yet, it’s still not enough.

Individual words have lost all meaning, and everyone sounds like the adults in a “Peanuts” cartoon.

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Wah-wah-wah-wahhhh.

You do the dreaded head-jerk awake in the middle of your meeting and try to play it cool.

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But they saw. They ALL saw.

You are trying to do all of your morning’s work without opening your eyes.

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It’s your sixth sense, if you will.

You had to catch yourself before accidentally sending a personal email to the entire office.

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In your defense, the "Reply All" button is really easy to accidentally hit.

Your focus and productivity have taken a big hit.

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And even then, you still don’t understand it.

You wonder if this is all a dream, and you’re still asleep in your bed.

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SPOILER ALERT: This is not a dream, and you are drooling on your keyboard.

You feel hollow inside, like you could melt into your ergonomic office chair at any minute.

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You swear it’s been over half an hour since you’ve opened your word document and all you have to show for it is Blank Space.

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[Requisite T-Swift Joke Goes Here]

You seriously begin to consider if anyone will notice if you sneak ten minutes to power nap. On the toilet. Where no one else can see you.

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If they can’t see you, they can’t judge you.

Your cubicle mate’s sandwich is looking tasty, and you want some of that.

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And by "some," you mean "all."

Everyone can hear your stomach. Everyone can hear, and YOU DON’T CARE.

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When you finally eat a fresh and proper breakfast, it CHANGES YOUR LIFE.

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Who knew so much happiness could be found in one More-ning McWrap?

And just like that, you’re your best self again.

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Now, let’s catch up on those dozens of emails, and make sure to have a real breakfast tomorrow — maybe something with fresh scrambled eggs. After all, a great breakfast is a fresh way to start your mornings and avoid coming down with a back case of sleepworking.