Dear a lot of people, but specifically Ms. Krista Ford,
In advance I'd like to say I am sorry. This is not the ideal situation to first acquaint oneself with someone and I am mortified. Sorry! However, under the circumstance, I feel like you owe me a moment of your time, even though we've never met.
The circumstance being you called me a whore.
I should clarify: I'm one of the victims of the recent string of sexual assaults in the Annex. 'Sup? It's nice to make your acquaintance.
So, you've called me a whore. Here we are. This is awkward now, isn't it? You're probably wondering if I'm going to challenge you on having been a member of Lingerie League. I'm not, because I'd never slut-shame another woman. I believe you have a right to your body and regardless of how you do or don't dress it, I believe you have a right to respect and personal security. I guess that's the key difference in our thinking. You could wear a T-shirt that says "I'm literally asking for it," and I'd still advocate for your security.
That's what I'm asking for this brief moment of your day, for your edification. You're a woman and you should know that your body is yours and yours alone. No matter how you dress it, you have a right -- an actual Charter of Rights and Freedom right -- to not be sexually assaulted. You are entitled to life, liberty and the security of person. Welcome to Canada - you live here! If you weren't aware of your Charter rights, other Canadian things you may have missed out on are double-doubles, good maple syrup, and Beachcombers*, so check that shit out.
For the record, I was sexually assaulted while wearing a knee-length polka-dot dress. The last time I wore that dress, it was to Easter dinner at my Gran's, where I'm fairly certain I could make little to no money whoring.
With due repect / sorry,
Canadian / Comedian / Beachcombers Enthusiast
*I love Beachcombers.
Nice ascot, slut.