Churn the butter. Part the pink sea. Polish the pearl. Does it really matter what we call it when we're too embarrassed to talk about it?
I've always been an advocate for speaking openly about sex and masturbation. I make a point in asking my friends (and mother) who are in long term relationships about their sex lives, partnered or solo. The singles are more likely to offer information, but I'll pester them every once and a while anyways. I like to think of it not as prying but as research; I can't imagine a life without orgasms and have always been one to frequently "jill off."
Until the nineteenth century, women were straight hysterical without being able to get it off. Doctors would hose down (similar to the shower head method) the clitoris as a treatment for a collection of symptoms including being moody, restless, and faint. I can relate to these outdated symptoms, diagnosis and cure, although I don't appreciate ever referring to a woman as being hysterical. I'd lose my mind given too much time between orgasms, but hysterical is taking it too far. I get fidgety, irritable, and short tempered, and then I go into heat, drooling over men on transit and considering all options for relief.
For those who consider masturbation cheating, I would love to be able to rely on someone else to be responsible for my orgasms, but doesn't it seem selfish and dependent? I'd have to include orgasms in my wedding vows, which are really just a list of expectations and responsibilities. "I vow to give and receive upwards of four orgasms per week."
It's really nothing to be ashamed of. Here's why.
During the process of growing up, I was able to determine the difference between societal induced shame and my own personal boundaries for what is comfortable for me.
Normalize the conversation
The vibrator was originally released and being sold by doctors a whooping ten years before the vacuum cleaner. I don't know about you, but I use my vibrator more often than my vacuum, makes sense to me. So why is female masturbation a shunned topic? Why is it that men can show their nipples covered in baby oil, and women get slut-shamed and bullied into hiding our sexuality? Get with the times, Facebook.
I'm not going to go a full on egalitarian rant here, what I am hoping to do is normalize and equalize the conversation. Double-standards between male and female sexuality is a widely known, and a "could be" obsolete, issue.
My personal form of dealing with such issues is to calmly and compassionately disregard the negative and outdated views of people, congregations, and politicians. If I've learned anything from arguing with my Trump-loving, right-wing parents over the last 20 years, it's fighting fire with fire in these highly tense discussions gets nobody anywhere fast. I do my best to keep my head on straight about what feels right to me. During the process of growing up, I was able to determine the difference between societal induced shame and my own personal boundaries for what is comfortable for me.
It's good for you.
Orgasms for Heart Health
In regards to health, orgasms come in, pun intended, by lowering blood pressure, strengthening the immune system and carrying nutrients to the face for healthy, glowing skin. If you don't want your high risk wife to have a heart attack, give her an orgasm, hell, give her ten orgasms!
Splooging for Stress
I feel like this one doesn't need to be backed by science to convince you. I will say though, when I'm stressed I get physically frustrated especially in my root chakra, the one in charge of sex and power. When I bring myself to climax, I experience a huge release that allows me to return to focus on the day's tasks. Luckily I work from home or I'd be taking 4 minute masturbation breaks. Orgasms also give us a rush of oxytocin, the happy hormone, giving us added ability to deal with stressful situations.
In an age of heightened awareness, intelligence and sexuality, let's respect and equalize the conversation.
Stroking it for Sleep
Knocking one out gives us a release of endorphins which has a sedative effect, hence the tendency to fall asleep and skip the cuddle. I'm usually pretty jazzed after a self-session but when I come down from the high, I am more relaxed and will easily fall into deep slumber.
Rubbing one out for a longer life
Recent studies show that women (and men) live longer, and I'm guessing happier lives when they have frequent orgasms.
I remember my first orgasm, hiding in my parents' basement with the rabbit vibrator from Sex and The City. It was explosive. A couple of years after losing my virginity and with no finish line in sight, I could not have been prepared for the gloriousness that is the orchestrating your own climax. The ease of focusing on one's self as opposed to guiding and communicating a naked and vulnerable partner.
In an age of heightened awareness, intelligence and sexuality, let's respect and equalize the conversation. We can be provocative without "asking for it" when discussing a natural act that I'd bet even the Pope partakes in.
So, now we've broken the ice, let's talk about it. Leave your slang for orgasm and masturbation in the comments below.
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