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"Drafted" Recap: Auditions for The Score's Next Sports Broadcaster

05/27/2013 11:37 EDT | Updated 07/27/2013 05:12 EDT

Hey Drafted fans! I hope you enjoyed your weekend off from my snarking on people who are just innocent auditioners, standing in front of a camera, asking it to love them. In this edition of Gillette's Drafted recap, the crew went to Vancouver in hopes of finding their next sports broadcaster.

I don't know if it's the fact that they had an extra weekend to prepare or if there's something in the water out there but Vancouver made it really hard to make any kind of Mean Girls-Burn Book notes while I watched the auditions. In a video they made after day 1, both Jackie Redmond and Matty Drappel say that the talent in Van City was impressive and I have to totally agree.

Whenever I watch the auditions on Drafted's official YouTube channel, I have a system. I write each person's name down before they start talking, then as they begin I put a checkmark if they're good or a big ol' X if they suck. Fast forward to when I start writing this recap and I go back to the videos that got an X and I try to break down what exactly I hated about that person's audition.

This time around I had way more checkmarks to go back to than X's. What gives Vancouver?? How can I be expected to write an entertaining recap if you guys are all bringing it hardcore?! And cute guy after cute guy? Seriously unfair.

Watching all these great audition videos and wondering how the hell almost everyone wasn't given a golden ticket to take them straight to the Top 24 (two were given out in Vancouver) I wondered how in the hell I was going to write something with my usual snark if I had so little material.

Not to worry, I found a way.

Notables:

Tyler Rowe (Rant Topic: Sports Are Important)

I loved this guy the second he thanked The Score for having him. I like this guy's voice and I like his super comfortable and personable personality. See? I'm already gushing over auditions. Tyler's video was the fourth one posted and my like-o-meter was already off the charts. Vancouver refused to give me even one audition that boiled my blood as much as GumGate from Calgary. Thanks a lot Rowe.

Peter Wehren (Rant Topic: This Recapper Can't Really Be Sure)

Oh boy. Here we go. This audition had me wincing a few times. First of all, Pete looks like he wandered in off the film set of Pleasantville in his argyle sweater and tie set. Secondly, and this is the big issue, every breath he takes is WAY audible. I mean, it sounds like the microphone is about to be inhaled. I don't know if he has asthma or breathing problems (and if he does, I'm most definitely going to hell in a handbasket) or it's something else but it's all I heard.

Teddy Jenner (Rant Topic: Canadian Lacrosse Association)

This guy is crazy watchable. As soon as he starts talking I'm already picturing him sitting at a desk, talking sports with a few other broadcasters and I think he'd fit in perfectly. He has a really likeable look, his voice and delivery is easy going, and I'd be fine getting my sports news from this guy. I mean....the little that I take in anyway. Plus, his name is Teddy. Come on! He even comes back on the second day just to make me like him even more.

Charles Botsio (Rant Topic: N/A and then Sports in Canada)

Charles is so badass he didn't even prepare anything and he admits it right away. I have a sneaking suspicion a lot of the people who try out don't prepare much but the fact that he comes right out with it and STILL sounds great and seems really comfortable in front of the camera is awesome. He's ready to leave after 13 seconds and I really wish he had just dropped the mic but he's convinced to stay and come up with a rant. Which of course is just as good. Seriously Vancouver, what's your deal??

Mike Watson (Rant Topic: NBA Fans)

If you watched the last season of Drafted you'll remember the numerous conversations about contestant Nate and his perfect jawline. If Mike makes it into the Top 24, I have a feeling those kind of conversations (and more) will continue. Mike's hair, skin and even beard are all perfect. To the point that I hope he makes it al the way and we get a look at what his beauty regime is. We know you have one Mike! Tell us your secrets!!

Courtney Hutchings (Rant Topic: MMA Judging)

Ladies and gents, Courtney Hutchings is bringing it for the ladies! Finally, we have an audition from a female who I can actually see reporting on sports professionally. Courtney is the real deal and it takes everything in me to not clap and yell 'Girl Power!' while I watch her audition. She's a strong voice, she knows what she's talking about and she's interesting to listen to. Plus, she's pretty. Yea I said it. It's television you guys. I hope this woman makes it far!

Javier Romero (Rant Topic: Soccer?)

Javiertalkswaytoofastformetobeabletocatchwhateverhestalkingabout. Did you get that? If not, you know how watching this audition felt. I think the rant was about soccer because at some point I catch 'German clubs' and that's a soccer reference, yes? It was probably nerves that got him talking at the fastest pace I've ever been witness to but let's not rule out the chance that the guys behind the camera could be holding up an ominous clock that is ticking down the seconds until they cut off his air supply. Or something.

Hugh Headley (Rant Topic: What He Brings?)

...I don't even know, you guys. I watched this video a lot and the only note I made beside this guy's name was 'WTF'. Hugh does his best Macho Man impression while auditioning but I think maaaaaybe this isn't the time nor the place for that. He's doing the whole gravelly voice, totally flexed thing and is even wearing sunglasses the entire time except for the last 5 seconds when he tells us that's the kind of entertainment he'd bring to The Score. Alrighty.

Ayesha Qadiri (Rant Topic: Stanley Cup Winners)

Why, why, why does the "Where do your lips start?" makeup trend continuously come back into popularity? You guys know how quickly my attention gets swept away and these bronzed lips that blend perfectly into the rest of her face had me right away. Also, she says 'Stanley Cup' a few too many times and it feels like she's name dropping as many players as possible so we know just how many she can name. Did I mention her lips melded into her cheeks and chin? Because they did.

Quick Hits:

-I think Javier Romero might have mistakenly thought this audition was a rap battle.

-Graham Nordin is going to bench-press something really soon. Let's keep watching and hope to catch it.

-Derek Sedo sang Cher. THIS GUY SANG CHER. I have no words. Literally zero. SANG CHER Y'ALL.

-Give me ALL your hair secrets Justin Kelly.

-Everyone can calm themselves because I have found the lost Jonas brother! Kyle Donen and his amazing eyebrows (I might have an obsession) are beyond adorable.

These were just a few people that stuck out during the Vancouver auditions. This city really brought their A-game. Next weekend is the LAST for in-person auditions and the Drafted team will be in Toronto. Maybe this recapper will head over and heckle in person. Quietly, of course! I'm not a monster! If you're not able to make the auditions, head to their Facebook Page and submit a video.