THE BLOG

The Journey to Love Begins Within

03/06/2014 12:19 EST | Updated 05/06/2014 05:59 EDT

When we enter into a new relationship, we should be clear about who we're attracted to as well as who we're attracting. Most people believe that who they're attracting into their lives has to do with circumstances, but the reality is that what we attract has more to do with who we are and what we're intending into our lives. In order to attract who we want and what we want, we must be clear about who we want and what we want, and that clarity begins within.

Everything that is happening in our lives -- the job we have or the relationship we're in -- is a result of our individual feelings, thoughts and beliefs. We are responsible for the relationship or a lack thereof. Recently, I began helping a client who was unhappily single. She wanted me to help her understand why no one, not even her friends, she said, wanted to spend time with her.

"Do you enjoy spending time alone?" I asked.

"No," she answered, "I hate being alone."

"The first step in attracting the kind of relationship you want," I explained, "is treating yourself the way you want to be treated. If you want others to enjoy being around you, you must first learn to enjoy your own company."

Many times we come into a relationship expecting others to create our happiness, and many times we end up being disappointed. Why? Because it's not someone else's job to make us happy. Happiness begins within. It truly is an inside job. No one can dictate how you feel about yourself. No one owes you anything. Only you can give you what you need. Only you are responsible for giving you what you deserve. If you want and desire love, you have to begin by first emitting love, and that journey begins within. We attract what we give out, and we can only give love to others when we're being good to ourselves, and loving who we are as an individual.

As a holistic coach, I help a great many people who come to me with the belief that they must compromise their own happiness for the sake of their relationship. Many of these people were taught to believe that not caring for others first was considered selfish. While it's true that extreme selfishness can come across as conceit, in order to truly love another one must first and foremost have a healthy amount of love and respect for oneself.

We live in a society where we misinterpret selfishness as being unhealthy, and believing that we must always put others first in order to be spiritual or to be worthy or deserving of a good life. But the truth of the matter is that we cannot love or take care of another without first loving ourselves. When we love ourselves, we respect and take care of ourselves. We take the time to take care of our bodies by working out, staying in shape and eating healthy. We take care of our minds by reading more or taking the time to learn something new, thereby becoming more educated and informed about our decisions and our choices.

When we love ourselves, we take the time to meditate because through meditation we can clear our minds, decompress, and destress our lives. This allows us to becoming more-well rounded human beings with clear intentions. In this way, we become people who are attracted to, and attracting, people whose loving qualities mirror our own.

A relationship may consist of two people, but it begins and ends with self. In order to attract the kind of relationship we desire, we must be the kind of person we want to meet. We must first give to ourselves the amount of joy, the amount of happiness, that we expect to receive into our lives. It is not our circumstances that are creating our life environment; it is our innermost feelings, thoughts and beliefs. When we focus on the life we want -- the happiness, the joy, and the love -- we begin to attract the life we want. Only then will the life we truly desire be more attracted to us.

For more by Collette Gee click here. To schedule a session with Holistic Coach Collette Gee click here.

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