Hey there! Over here! Actually, right behind you. Sorry to interrupt The Game. Or rather, the pre-game. Or the pre-game game.
You are just dying to catch up aren't you? What, this isn't a good moment? That's so silly! I mean, it's just a game right? A bunch of men in tights chasing a pigskin, yawn. How could anyone take it seriously? [Insert smell of microwaved popcorn] Ah, there you are. Hand me that remote for a sec. Yes, please, help yourself. I added some barbecue seasoning. Now where's the mute button? Why do they always make it so small? Why are there a hundred buttons on this frikking device, about three of which you actually use... there it is, good. Done.
You're looking great, by the way. Did you hear that The Huffington Post will be launching a Quebec edition this week? I know, right? They just launched France and now Quebec. "Le Huffington Post." Sounds like a cigarette. In Quebec's case, a cigarette with cheese curds and gravy. And really, really good news and content, like the other HuffPost sites, except better, because it's in French.
And then, did you hear... Wait, am I blocking the TV? It's just ads. Who watches ads? HuffPost U.S. just announced the launch of the Huffington Post Streaming Network. What does that mean you ask? Imagine a news site that is an ongoing conversation and also fully clickable. As in, you could be getting your pre-game show right now, while clicking on other random news and also interacting with the actual programming. You look puzzled. (May I refresh your beer?) So you could be getting this Super Bowl nonsense AND simultaneously weighing in with your views about Tom Brady (yes, I KNOW who he is -- he's married to Gisele) WHILE getting an update on Syria AND watching that unbelievably cute video of a slow loris holding an umbrella.
At least I think that's how it's going to work.
AND -- (here's the beer) -- there was so much more that happened this week. Sure, thank you, I don't mind sitting down. First, OMG, can you believe the father in that horrible honour killing is appealing the "so guilty" verdict? Good luck with that, right? It was good a group of Imams came out to say that, despite radical interpretations to the contrary, it's not okay under Islam to kill your daughters if they express a desire to go the mall or wear makeup. Progress.
And then there was Harper threatening at Davos to make old folks work an extra two years before they could retire, a threat he stands by despite rumours to the contrary. While many understandably complained, one of our (younger) bloggers, Yoni Goldstein, suggested grandpa should just suck it up and work the extra two years, as the system was going to bankrupt the next generation.
All those times you told us about how everything you did -- the back-breaking work, going without fancy clothes and cars, etc. -- was so we could have a better future? Well, turns out the future's going to suck. Thanks for that.
A lot of people objected to Yoni's tone and missed the humour of the piece. But hey, that happens.
Then there was this whole Komen Foundation breast cancer kerfuffle. (No, please don't un-mute it. It's so noisy. Why do they play that loud music?)
The nation's leading breast cancer charity, Susan G. Komen for the Cure, is halting its partnerships with Planned Parenthood affiliates -- creating a bitter rift, linked to the abortion debate, between two iconic organizations that have assisted millions of women. The change will mean a cutoff of hundreds of thousands of dollars in grants, mainly for breast exams.
Planned Parenthood says the move results from Komen bowing to pressure from anti-abortion activists. Komen says the key reason is that Planned Parenthood is under investigation in Congress -- a probe launched by a conservative Republican who was urged to act by anti-abortion groups.
Well, never mind. Komen reversed itself promptly, managing to anger absolutely everybody. Maybe the next Walk for the Cure will become a Begging for the Cure.
I'm sorry guys -- but seriously? I get why the fake citizens are a story, but cross-examining a dancer on her right to receive taxpayer subsidies...?!
During the interview, Erickson quizzed Gillis about whether it was appropriate that she receive government grants to support her dance work. In its decision, the council ruled that there was no violation because Erickson was "entitled to be aggressive in her questioning and to reveal her personal biases."
If "aggressive questioning" and "revealing biases" on TV is going to be considered a crime, I'd like to nominate vulgar table manners in public to be subject to a watchdog agency. And, while I'm at it --
Excuse me, why are you raising the volume? Just because it's Madonna? Really, you still find her attractive? Because we could go get a watchdog opinion on that --
All right, I'm nearly done. (Try the nachos.) Coming up next week: Aside from the birth of our new Quebec sister, we will be birthing a couple of new series. First, for the next five weeks, we will offer readers an excerpt from each of the finalists for the prestigious Charles Taylor Prize for Literary Non-Fiction. Each author has chosen a 1,000-word excerpt especially for our HuffPost readers, and will explain why he/she chose this particular excerpt. Further, after the excerpts have run, our readers will be able to vote on their favourite. Then when the winner is announced on March 5, we will livestream the results.
Also, we will have a weekly diary from the leader of a unique and spectacular voyage from the Cape Horn to Cape Town, with the exploration of many previously unexplored (or barely so) islands in between.
And then... there's all our regular great stuff. I know. I'm going. I think the chili is burning...
Follow Danielle Crittenden on Twitter: www.twitter.com/dcrittenden1