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Danko Jones

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The Grammys' Biggest Fraudster Is My Biggest Hero

Posted: 02/10/2013 3:32 pm

By now, most people familiar with this year's Grammys are aware of Al Walser's nomination in the Best Dance Recording category for his song "I Can't Live Without You." The controversy surrounding Walser has to do with his unknown status as a dance act but, through a loophole in the Grammy voting process, legitimately, diligently and successfully lobbied online for votes. The results, some are saying, have embarrassed the Recording Academy but Grammy folk are stoically twisting the pickle to look like they encourage grassroots and a level playing field, which is riotous spin in its thinnest form.

If anything, it has shown that most voters, while attentively voting for the prestigious categories of Record Of The Year and Song Of The Year, pay little attention to, what is obviously seen as lesser categories like Best Dance Recording. The numbers speak for themselves -- Facebook and Youtube "likes" and "hits" are only in the few thousands for Walser compared to his fellow nominees like Skrillex and Swedish House Mafia which run up to the millions. So it's an easy argument when trying to prove his Grammy illegitimacy.

Naturally, his nomination ignited a shitstorm. From all sides, journalists, disgruntled dance acts and the general public voiced their disapproval. To his credit, Walser compared what he did to nothing more than what record labels already do during award season and stood his ground. As an outsider, nowhere near being Grammy-worthy, I think I can objectively state what hasn't been said enough through this whole debacle:

AL WALSER IS MY MOTHERF***ING HERO.

I will be honest, my knowledge on Electronic Dance Music is surface at best. I like a few acts but I am far from qualified to deem which one is better than the next. Upon first listen to Walser's "I Can't Live Without You" song, my skin started to wrinkle and my toes started to curl in agony.

I strongly believe that Walser's music will be the soundtrack Lucifer will be playing through Hell's sound system when I inevitably get sent down there on judgement day. It is music meant for dudes who think wearing shiny gold baseball hats sideways, Bill Cosby sweaters and acid wash jeans are cool, but Walser is still my hero.

All of us, especially the ones of us who make music for a living, would love to get nominated for a Grammy and go to the ceremony. And every year 99.999 per cent of us get shut out and left holding the bag (usually filled with potato chips on our couch) watching the beautiful people pose, hobnob and generally act entitled because they...well...kinda are since they're at The Grammys and the rest of us are not.

Only Walser had the cojones, and quite frankly the time since his career wasn't exactly taking off anywhere, to sit in front of his computer like Matthew Broderick in War Games, and crash the party. To me, it's the best prank on the industry since Shawn Fanning created Napster.

As far as I'm concerned, there's too much sunshine shone up celebrities asses on a daily basis. Al Walser is our pop culture leveler. What gets forgotten by most is that a 6th grade teacher teaching a class of kids to read is monumentally more important and beneficial to our society than whatever Beyoncé is currently doing or not doing.

Maybe Walser's nomination can remind the people who think their shit doesn't stink that it in fact does, only some, like Walser's, is more odorous.

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  • Carrie Underwood

    Country Solo Performance - "Blown Away" Best Country Song - "Blown Away"

  • Frank Ocean

    Record of the Year - "Thinkin Bout You" Best New Artist Album of the Year - "Channel Orange" Best Urban Contemporary Album - "Channel Orange" Best Rap/Sung Collaboration - "No Church In The Wild" by Jay-Z & Kanye West Featuring Frank Ocean & The-Dream

  • fun.

    Best Pop Vocal Album - "Some Nights" Record of the Year - "We Are Young" Best New Artist Album of the Year - "Some Nights" Song of the Year - "We Are Young" Best Pop Duo/Group Performance - "We Are Young"

  • The Black Keys

    Record of the Year - "Lonely Boy" Album of the Year - "El Camino" Best Rock Performance - "Lonely Boy" Best Rock Song - "Lonely Boy" Best Rock Album - "El Camino" Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical - Dan Auerbach

  • Mumford & Sons

    Album of the Year - "Babel" Best Rock Performance - "I Will Wait" Best Rock Song - "I Will Wait" Best Americana Album - "Babel" Best Song Written For Visual Media - "Learn Me Right (From Brave)" Best Long Form Music Video - "Big Easy Express"

  • Jack White

    Album of the Year - "Blunderbuss" Best Rock Song - "Freedom At 21" Best Rock Album - "Blunderbuss"

  • Kelly Clarkson

    Best Pop Vocal Album - "Stronger" Record of the Year - "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)" Best Pop Solo Performance - "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)"

  • Gotye

    Record of the Year - "Somebody That I Used To Know" Best Pop Duo/Group Performance - "Somebody That I Used To Know" Best Alternative Music Album - "Making Mirrors"

  • Taylor Swift

    Record of the Year - "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" Best Country Duo/Group Performance - "Safe & Sound" Best Song Written For Visual Media - "Safe & Sound (From The Hunger Games)"

  • Blake Shelton

    Country Solo Performance - "Over"

  • Ronnie Dunn

    Country Solo Performance - "Cost of Livin" Best Country Song - "Cost Of Livin'"

  • Eric Church

    Country Solo Performance - "Springsteen" Best Country Song - "Springsteen"

  • Dierks Bentley

    Country Solo Performance - "Home"

  • Hunter Hayes

    Best New Artist Country Solo Performance - "Wanted" Best Country Album - "Hunter Hayes"

  • The Lumineers

    Best New Artist Best Americana Album - "The Lumineers"

  • Alabama Shakes

    Best New Artist Best Rock Performance - "Hold On"

  • Florence + The Machine

    Best Pop Vocal Album - "Ceremonials" Best Pop Duo/Group Performance - "Shake It Out"

  • Maroon 5

    Best Pop Vocal Album - "Overexposed" Best Pop Duo/Group Performance - "Payphone"

  • P!nk

    Best Pop Vocal Album - "The Truth About Love"

  • Adele

    Best Pop Solo Performance - "Set Fire To The Rain [Live]"

  • Carly Rae Jepsen

    Song Of The Year - "Call Me Maybe" Best Pop Solo Performance - "Call Me Maybe"

  • Miguel

    Song Of The Year - "Adorn" Best R&B Performance - "Adorn" Best R&B Song - "Adorn" Best Urban Contemporary Album - "Kaleidoscope Dream"

  • Ed Sheeran

    Song Of The Year - "The A Team"

  • Katy Perry

    Best Pop Solo Performance - "Wide Awake"

  • Rihanna

    Best Pop Solo Performance - "Where Have You Been" Best Rap/Sung Collaboration - "Talk That Talk" Best Short Form Music Video - "We Found Love"

  • LMFAO

    Best Pop Duo/Group Performance - "Sexy And I Know It"

  • Avicii

    Best Dance Recording - "Levels"

  • Calvin Harris

    Best Dance Recording - "Let's Go"

  • Skrillex

    Best Dance Recording - "Bangarang" Best Dance/Electronica Album - "Bangarang" Best Remixed Recording, Non-Classical - "Promises (Skrillex & Nero Remix)"

  • Swedish House Mafia

    Best Dance Recording - "Don't You Worry Child"

  • Al Walser

    Best Dance Recording - "I Can't Live Without You"

  • Steve Aoki

    Best Dance/Electronica Album - "Wonderland"

  • The Chemical Brothers

    Best Dance/Electronica Album - "Don't Think"

  • Deadmau5

    Best Dance/Electronica Album - "> Album Title Goes Here <"

  • Kaskade

    Best Dance/Electronica Album - "Fire & Ice"

  • Michael Bublé

    Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album - "Christmas"

  • Carole King

    Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album - "A Holiday Carole"

  • Paul McCartney

    Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album - "Kisses On The Bottom" Best Boxed Or Special Limited Edition Package - "Ram - Paul McCartney Archive Collection (Deluxe Edition)" Best Historical Album - "Ram - Paul McCartney Archive Collection (Deluxe Edition)"

  • Coldplay

    Best Rock Performance - "Charlie Brown" Best Rock Album - "Mylo Xyloto"

  • Bruce Springsteen

    Best Rock Performance - "We Take Care Of Our Own" Best Rock Song - "We Take Care Of Our Own" Best Rock Album - "Wrecking Ball"

  • Anthrax

    Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance - "I'm Alive"

  • Halestorm

    Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance - "Love Bites (So Do I)"

  • Iron Maiden

    Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance - "Blood Brothers"

  • Lamb of God

    Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance - "Ghost Walking"

  • Marilyn Manson

    Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance - "No Reflection"

  • Megadeth

    Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance - "Whose Life (Is It Anyways?)"

  • Muse

    Best Rock Song - "Madness" Best Rock Album - "The 2nd Law"

  • Fiona Apple

    Best Alternative Music Album - "The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than The Driver Of The Screw And Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do"

  • Björk

    Best Alternative Music Album - "Biophilia"

  • M83

    Best Alternative Music Album - "Hurry Up, We're Dreaming."

  • Tom Waits

    Best Alternative Music Album - "Bad As Me"

 

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