DEATH NOTICE: Democracy, American (a.k.a. Representative Government)
On July 21, 2016, American Democracy died a painful death in Cleveland, Ohio after a long battle with a series of severe "-isms" including nativism, militarism, racism and corporatism. She was 240 years old.
Born on July 4, 1776, Democracy lived a long, fruitful life although, in her later years, she suffered from numerous ailments including gerrymandering, pork barreling, vote buying and influence peddling.
In her early days, American Democracy was somewhat fragile. She was unable or unwilling to extend the franchise to slaves and women and was apparently not strong enough to handle direct voting. This may explain her decision to pursue her studies at the Electoral College.
As she matured, American Democracy took on more of the signs of a truly representative government including the granting of the vote to black males and eventually also to women. She even had the courage to allow the direct election of U. S. senators by popular vote.
However, once American Democracy entered her third century, it was clear that she was in failing health. She suffered from a bad case of executive overreach in the early 1970s and almost succumbed to a rare but virulent condition called superbia præsidentium, more commonly known as Presidential hubris or Watergate disease.
After recovering, Democracy was hit with a nasty case of trivial impeachment in the mid-1990s. Luckily, despite having this rare STD, she was able to narrowly avoid termination by the Senate.
Sadly, though, American Democracy was so weakened by these infections that she became susceptible to an outside virus called Supreme Court. In 2000, Democracy contracted a severe strain of the virus which overturned a presidential election result thereby sending her into a downward spiral.
In recent years, there had been a rapid series of attacks on Democracy's body politic. Repeated cases of PACs, super PACs and Wall Street lobbying left her open to all manner of germs including a mutation of the Supreme Court virus: the near-fatal Citizens United bug.
In the past eight years, no one came to American Democracy's aid, particularly her former friend and ally Congress. Rather than assist in strengthening her by providing legislative assistance, Congress left Democracy to fade away.
American Democracy's final months were tortuous and painful as she endured unwarranted assaults on her minorities and immigrants and even on her borders. The final fatal blow came in late July when Republican Party, a former defender of Democracy, chose an authoritarian demagogue as its presidential nominee.
Democracy died on the podium of the Republican Convention in Cleveland's Quicken Loans Arena. She was predeceased by Civility, Decency and Compromise. She has no known survivors except possibly for one Bernie Sanders of Vermont.
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