Hey, American voter.
As the primary season comes to an end, it's time to get serious about this presidential nominating thing. Sure, it's been a real laugh pretending that Donald Trump will be the next president, but there are plenty of reasons you shouldn't allow that to happen and here are just a few:
Lost combover time
Look at that hair. It's a marvel of hirsute engineering and it certainly doesn't happen by accident. Conservatively speaking, I figure Trump's elaborate weave takes at least an hour a day of construction and maintenance. That's an hour a day that could instead be spent doing things presidential.
Trumping it up
He can't help himself. Wherever he is, Donald Trump has to leave his imprint. Kind of like a dog marking his territory, he has to put his name on companies, products and buildings, especially buildings. You may not mind, but I suspect most Americans won't be crazy about having a 16-foot neon Trump sign atop the White House.
Real estate flip-o-phile
A guy who has spent almost his entire life flipping properties to make a buck is not likely going to stop just because he's in the Oval Office. Best case scenario: Trump sells the White House to the Chinese and takes back a long-term lease. Worst case scenario: he turns it into a casino and sells it.
The Donald likes having an audience and there's nothing he loves more than having a "yuge" one for his TV productions. That's why he's liable to turn his presidency into a four- or possibly eight-year reality show. Look for live broadcasts of cabinet meetings with President Trump turfing yet another cabinet member with his new trademarked phrase "You're resigned!"
Foreign policy wonkiness
You don't expect the next president to know the name of every single world leader by heart, but it would be nice if he knew the difference between Hezbollah and Hamas, or between the Quds Force and the Kurds. Telling us that he will know more than us about these matters within 24 hours of becoming president doesn't do much to reassure anyone, especially the Kurds.
Donald Trump is going to crush ISIS, deport undocumented immigrants and ban Muslims from entering the U. S. He's going to make America strong again and tell China, Russia and India to take a hike. No telling where all this bellicose blustering will lead us but, even if it's an all-out nuclear war, President Trump, like Dr. Strangelove's General Buck Turgidson, would assure us: "I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed but I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed, tops."
Follow HuffPost Canada Blogs on Facebook
MORE ON HUFFPOST:
"SNL" has lampooned Trump many times over the years, such as this sketch that parodied his "Days of Our Lives" cameo.
A young Jon Stewart pokes fun at Donald Trump's first flirtation with running for president in 1999.
This clip of Donald Trump paying a visit to the Banks family to offer to buy their house is not embeddable, but you can watch the clip on YouTube.
Trump did a one-line cameo in the sequel to "Home Alone."
A frequent talk show guest, Trump allowed his ego to match with Letterman's disarming goofiness to great effect, as shown in this clip from 1987.
Conan's famous impersonation of Donald Trump has found its way into all of his talk shows.
Stand-up and "SNL" writer John Mulaney describes what Donald Trump reminds him of.
Watch how long it takes for Trump to realize he's been duped into doing an interview with one of Sacha Baron Cohen's bizarre characters.
The chameleon-like British comedian hysterically sends up "The Apprentice" on his BBC sketch show.
This commercial for Donald Trump's excess-celebrating 1988 board game falls into the "unintentional comedy" category.
This episode of Lewis Black's show asked comedians which was a greater blight on our culture: Donald Trump or Viagra?
The Colbert Report filed a "Difference Makers" segment on Trump's quest to test the zoning restrictions of a golf course he owned.
As Donald Trump, impression virtuoso Frank Caliendo teaches a seminar on how to get rich.
Follow David Martin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Satireguy