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Conservatives Perfectly Suited For Uncovering Liberal Scandals

12/14/2015 04:53 EST | Updated 12/14/2016 05:12 EST
NICHOLAS KAMM via Getty Images
Canadian Liberal Party leader Justin Trudeau speaks at a press conference in Ottawa on October 20, 2015 after winning the general elections. AFP PHOTO/NICHOLAS KAMM (Photo credit should read NICHOLAS KAMM/AFP/Getty Images)

Taking to their job as the Official Opposition like a fish to a bicycle, the Conservatives have uncovered one scandal after another plaguing the new Liberal government.

First it was the Liberals' failed promise to receive 25,000 Syrian refugees by the end of the year. Thanks to Tory pit bulls on the Hill, Justin Trudeau has had to admit a delay of 60 long days in meeting his government's target. Who knows? The goal may now not even be reached until the end of March!

Next up was the shocking revelation that Trudeau and his wife have allocated part of their household budget to the hiring of two -- count 'em, two! -- nannies to care for their three young children. Interim Conservative leader Rona Ambrose has castigated the new prime minister for this outrageously hypocritical move.

Surely the fall of the government is imminent. If not now, definitely soon if these rumoured additional scandals surface:

One former Conservative minister has reminded Canadians that Trudeau promised to review election spending limits, ensure that all citizens have a right to vote and eliminate prorogation as a tool to avoid difficult issues. "What's he trying to do," said the former minister. "Destroy Canadian democracy? That's not how we Conservatives roll."

A Tory insider has promised to blow the lid off what could be the Liberal government's biggest scandal: the failure to timely meet its campaign promises. "What's it been," said the insider. "Over a month in office and they've only achieved four promises and started in on 11 others? When Canadians hear that, I promise you they'll be amazed."

Another brewing scandal is Trudeau's decision to move into Rideau Cottage. "Supposedly he did it to selflessly make way for renovations at 24 Sussex," said one Conservative MP. "But we all know he's just trying to show up Mr. Harper. Plus he wants a new swimming pool and a gym."

Some Conservative backbenchers promise to expose the new prime minister's hypocrisy on the issue of climate change. "If he was really serious about reducing greenhouse gas emissions," said one Tory wag. "Then he'd take the bus to work like the rest of us. And there's no reason his security detail couldn't do the same."

One Tory hack has leaked the particulars of a soon-to-be-revealed bombshell, namely that the Trudeau family is using three-ply toilet paper rather than two-ply at their temporary digs. As the source revealed: "Trudeau has shamelessly opted for three-ply at taxpayer expense although the average Canadian considers himself lucky to be able to afford two-ply."

And it may not end there. The Conservatives have reportedly hired American investigators who worked on past Republican campaigns and are already looking into allegations that Justin Trudeau (a) is soft on terrorism, (b) is a Muslim and (c) was born in Kenya. The Tories are hoping for a trifecta.

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