Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
If you like being told on a daily basis that your cooking is horrible, then kids are totally for you.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 25, 2017
Whenever my kid's teacher asks how I'm doing, I always want to reply, "Why? What did my kid tell you?"
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 24, 2017
Happily ever after had to be made up by a parent who wanted to end storytime sooner than later.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) September 25, 2017
My 5-year-old called Parmesan cheese “spaghetti sprinkles” and now that's officially a food group in my house.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 23, 2017
Parenting is 30% wondering why the kids are quiet and 70% rejoicing in the silence.
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) September 24, 2017
My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 25, 2017
Hell hath no fury like a 4yo whose apple slices are on the wrong side of the plate.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) September 27, 2017
Just dry shampoo'd and Febreze'd my kid on his way out the door so no I'm not really interested in your family's morning chore chart, Laura.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) September 26, 2017
If parenting has taught me one thing, it's to never share a water bottle with a kid eating crackers.
— Carbosly (@Carbosly) September 29, 2017
Kids are in bed early, it's Friday night.
— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) September 23, 2017
And on the seventh day she said, "Go make your own dinner."
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) September 24, 2017
If you enjoy the feeling of a hangover without actually drinking anything, I can't recommend parenting enough to you.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) September 25, 2017
A waitress reading off the list of specials, but it's just me telling my kids their snack options for the billionth time.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 28, 2017
"In the blink of an eye he'll be off to college!" Yet the 15 sec ad before his favorite YouTube show seems like an eternity. Please explain.
— Paternity Fraternity (@PaternityFrat) September 27, 2017
13 - “Mom how do you divide fractions?”
— Court (@Discourt) September 29, 2017
Me - *whispers*
“Siri, how do you divide fractions?”
Naptime is better described as the eye of the hurricane.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) September 26, 2017
Parents: Don't talk to strangers
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) September 26, 2017
Parents on Halloween: Talk to all the strangers, & beg for candy so I can eat all the reeses while u sleep
Just went a college fair with my high school senior and could have saved a lot of time if I was able to sort the tables Low Price to High.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) September 26, 2017
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