Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Me: Looks like it's time to play everyone's favorite game!
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) January 31, 2018
Kids: *clapping and cheering excitedly*
Husband: No one wants to help you find your glasses.
5-year-old: Why do you always fly places?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 1, 2018
Me: People want to see me.
5: Not much. They send you back.
motherhood be like: pic.twitter.com/eo8TsKDSDD
— eatwords drinkstars (@akamami) January 30, 2018
Every picture I have of my two-year-old is of him walking towards the camera asking if he can see the picture
— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) January 31, 2018
Now that I have school-aged kids I like to play a little game with them called, “Where the fuck did all my good pens go?”
— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) January 31, 2018
Toddler: MOM I POOPED ON THE POTTY
— Ash (an female) (@adult_mom) February 1, 2018
Me: good job!
Toddler: AND NOT ON MY UNDIES
Me: i’m proud of you
Toddler: AND NOT ON MY PANTS
Me: great
Toddler: AND NOT ON THE TOOTHBRUSHES
Me: wait what
The parenting books never warned me how much of my daughter’s toddler years would be spent waiting for her to finish this grilled cheese.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 2, 2018
Truly you’ve never lived until you’ve tried to drag an overtired 7 year old from a crowded restaurant while he squirms and yells “I AM CAESAR!!!!!!!”
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) January 30, 2018
Told my kid he'd be four on his birthday and he tried to negotiate it up to five.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) February 1, 2018
Sure, being well-rested and having disposable income is nice, but parenting a smaller and more terrifying version of yourself is so rewarding.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) February 2, 2018
Welcome to parenthood.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) January 30, 2018
You now have to put a reminder to set an alarm to schedule an appointment you’ve been conveniently forgetting about for months.
Peekaboo was probably invented by a mom that was trying to wish the mess in her house away.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) January 29, 2018
Found my son's secret stash of candy. I walked over, and gave him a big hug. I've never felt this close to him before.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 31, 2018
I drive to the airport. I fly across the globe. I take a train to the coast. I sail to a deserted island. The journey takes 3 days. I sit by the peaceful shoreline. Then, suddenly, my 4yo appears to ask for a drink.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 2, 2018
It’s fun to walk up to a fellow parent at drop-off and ask, sotto voce, “is everything... all right?” & watch their brain climb onto a chair trying to figure out which way to jump, guessing what secret or lie worked its way from their kid to your ear
— Victor Brand (@recordedvoice) January 31, 2018
After presenting my son with a stack of gifts for his birthday, he responded with, "Is that it?" so yeah, parenthood is pretty rewarding.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 30, 2018
You just know some insufferable Facebook mom is posting pictures of the presents her kids got for Groundhog Day.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 2, 2018
My 3-year-old's asked me "Why?" so many times that I don't know what to believe anymore.
— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) January 30, 2018
Just heard my son shout OH YEAHHHH BOY! WOO HOOOOOO! from the bathroom and honest to god I do not want to know
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) February 1, 2018
You think American Ninja Warrior looks tough? Try making it through the obstacle course of backpacks, shoes and coats my kids leave in the doorway everyday.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 2, 2018
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