The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
Waiter: Would you like to see our dessert menu?
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) August 15, 2017
Me: Do you have any cereal?
me: i am excited to read this article
— saf mother of robots (@Wanderlustin) August 14, 2017
website: actually it is a podcast
me: i am excited to never know what has been said about this subject
Chocolate milk is a hug that you can drink
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) August 15, 2017
Let's just rename 2017 "HOLY FUCK WHAT NOW."
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) August 15, 2017
It feels like we're in the kind of situation that usually ends with someone screaming, "close the portal!"
— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) August 16, 2017
I only have four moods pic.twitter.com/qi7wD8G38V
— haikatte🥄 (@haikatte) August 13, 2017
Tomorrow I fly across the country just to dog sit, and I honestly can't think of a better use of my limited time on Earth.
— Allison Raskin (@AllisonRaskin) August 16, 2017
how many of your text conversations go like this
— priya (@priya_ebooks) August 16, 2017
man: *greeting*
woman: *greeting*
man: *perfunctory question*
man: *talks about day*
I don't need to be rich. I just want to be comfortable enough that I don't feel guilty throwing away a Ziploc bag after only using it twice.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 16, 2017
*throws bra at screen*
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) August 14, 2017
(97% of it for tessa. the remaining 3%? well. thirst is a fluid thing) pic.twitter.com/e1xPOrypJp
last night I went to a legitimately fun gathering where we discussed colonoscopies for like half an hour so I guess I'm an adult
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) August 17, 2017
Wanted to cut down on alcohol so I've replaced wine with tea.
— quinta b. (@quintabrunson) August 17, 2017
it's cool, but I'm not drunk so I'm not sure how this will go
In a perfect world, WebMD just says "you're going to be OK ".
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) August 16, 2017
me showing someone my tumblr pic.twitter.com/Fzt0tqAO3A
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) August 17, 2017
friend: text me when you get home!
— Gena-mour Barrett (@SmileGena) August 17, 2017
me, 10 years later with a husband, 2 kids & a dog: shit, sorry I forgot! I'm home!!!!!
I'm no legal scholar but I'm assuming you can sue people who ignore your texts
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) August 17, 2017
WHAT IF YOU GOT THIS FOR UR MAN WITHOUT LOOKING INSIDE FIRST pic.twitter.com/NnYDaWE1PO
— anna kopsky (@annacatkopsky) August 12, 2017
Me: I'm in New York, I should eat something special for lunch!
— Ella CerĂłn (@ellaceron) August 16, 2017
*Narrator voice:* She went to Chipotle.
I like to imagine all the people I mute hanging out in one big room & honestly having a pretty OK time despite all the yelling
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 17, 2017
Just posted a Facebook update while sitting on a toilet in Scotland am I travel writer
— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) August 17, 2017
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