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To The One I Keep Pushing Away: Please Don't Give Up On Me

I'm scared of loving someone again.

08/29/2017 17:12 EDT | Updated 08/31/2017 00:00 EDT

By Brittney Lindstrom

I know I’ve been doing everything in my power to push you away. The only reason I’m doing this is because I’m scared. 

I’m scared of being hurt again. I’m scared I may fall for you and you won’t be on the same page. I’m scared of loving someone again. 

I know it’s not your fault I went through some shitty experiences. It’s not your fault that I was abused or ghosted. And I’m here to tell you that I will no longer allow my past any part in my present or future. 

To be quite honest, I may be pushing you away because the comfort and safeness I feel with you are new feelings I have never experienced. You are comfortable for me. And that’s scary in my mind. 

This sense of comfort is an unfamiliar place. I don’t know if it’s the way you always make sure I’m okay or if it’s the unspoken words when we’re laying down watching a movie or show.

Regardless, as scary as it is, it’s exactly what I want. 

With you, I don’t feel I have to impress you by being someone else. I can be myself and you completely accept and embrace it.  

With you, I don’t feel I have to impress you by being someone else. I can be myself and you completely accept and embrace it.

I know you’ve probably made up your mind about me and are walking away. But I am pleading with you not to go. Don’t walk away from this without giving me the chance to truly show who I am without my past creeping in and ruining everything. 

I can sit here and write thousands and thousands of words of why I’m pushing him away but if I can’t put them into action, they really mean nothing.

Right now, you’ll have to take my word for the time being until I’m able to show you that I’m worth the fight. 

Everyone I’ve crossed paths with has given up on me for one reason or another. Please don’t be one of them until you see all of me. Then you can leave if you still think I’m pushing you away. 

Honestly, you bring out the best in me. You make me want to be a better person than I was yesterday. I wake up in the mornings happier and motivated. You make me want to do more with my life. 

You push me to achieve my goals. When I try to give excuses, you shut that down real quick. And you’re there to offer a supportive hand. I want the chance to be that for you. 

I’ve buried my past and forgave those who burned me in order to gain my own peace of mind with everything. I don’t want to keep any resentments or hatred toward those who hurt me. I no longer need to hold on to those people because that chapter of my book has closed. 

I hope you see the good in me and allow me to show you my true self with no hiding or pretending. If not, I’ll continue to regret the chances I did have because I was a fool for taking them for granted. 

From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry for pushing you away when all I wanted was to be near you.

I promise you I’ll be so much more if you give me the chance. I just want to be able to show you that I’m in this fully and there’s no past situations or people that will hold me back any longer. 

I hope you change your mind and allow me back in. I promise you won’t regret it. Please don’t give up on me just yet.

Brittney Lindstrom is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Rehabilitation Counselor.

This article originally appeared on YourTango.

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