The round of your behind, the curve of your breast, the middle of your spine, the sexy way you walk --these are all things that can get men into a frenzy about their wives. It can be something as small as the way you walk, talk, sometimes even breathe that make your mate go crazy and want to engage in sexual activity. Sex is a normal activity between two married people. Sex is used to procreate along with making us feel good but what happens when sex is used for something more sinister?
SLIDESHOW: 7 Things People Will Choose Over Sex
Think of this scenario that happens in bedrooms all across the world: As you climb into bed, your mate whispers to you, "Honey, let's have sex." Still angry about the argument you had earlier, you roll over and reply, "I'm not in the mood" and go to sleep. Defeated, your mate rolls back over and goes to sleep. Sex has just been used a weapon to punish your spouse for an argument you've had earlier in the day.
This scene happens more times than we think. Legitimately, sometimes we as women are tired from a long day at work or from dealing with the kids. However, more times than likely it's because we don't feel like our spouse deserves sex -- we are using it as a weapon, reward or both.
A couple of nights ago my husband and I were hanging out with some married friends of ours when we got on the subject of sex. One of our friends remarked that because her husband had been "good" all week she'd have sex with him that night. We all laughed and chalked it up to "the old married life" but it got me thinking: when did sex become a tool to get what you want out of your spouse? Did this happen all the time?
If I wasn't "in the mood" was I inadvertently punishing my husband? Needless to say as the conversation continued, I was confused. Some of the wives at the table reasoned that sex had to earned by their husbands. Ultimately, if their husbands were "well behaved" they would be rewarded with sex.
The husbands chimed in and despite them hating this power play, they went along with it to get their wives to "put out." As we continued the discussion, I realized quickly that sex is used as a weapon and reward in relationships. It gives the person with the decision (usually the wife) the power and can be used to leverage men into doing what us women want them to do.
As my husband and I drove home we laughed at how crazy some of our friends sounded. Who uses sex as a reward and a punishment? When did that start? Apparently this goes on in more households then we thought. This conversation made me examine how the process of deciding to have sex occurs in my household. When I am angry with my husband do I refuse to have sex with him? If I need for him to lay tile in the kitchen do I promise sex as a reward? No, but I have been guilty instead of using sex as a means to show my love for my husband. I've used it as a weapon and reward to get what I want.
Despite us ending our conversation that night, I began to casually question both my male and female married friends about their thoughts on this phenomenon. Shockingly, a lot of my friends echoed the same thoughts of the first couples we were with. Many of my male friends said they didn't care if their wives were mad at them, they still wanted sex. However, women responded that they will use sex as weapon to get what they want or to reiterate when they're angry.
I've came to the conclusion that I'm not perfect, especially in something that is so personal and private as my sex life. But now I'm determined to use sex as a pronouncement of love -- not as a weapon or reward.
This post originally appeared on the website blackandmarriedwithkids.com.
7 Things People Will Choose Over Sex
Many women do use sex as a weapon and manipulation tool.
I won't tolerate it; you won't put out because you're upset? I'm getting dressed to find a woman to replace you. Seriously.
Men, we have to stop letting them manipulate us like this - it's PROFOUNDLY uncool. If you can't divorce, tell them point blank; manipulate me like this, and I'm going to cheat. PERIOD. I don't want to, but you can't treat me this way, SORRY.
Dude, look up the definition of "marital rape"!
A husband or wife doesn't HAVE to have sex with their spouse on demand. Forcing someone, even your spouse, to have sex with you when they don't want to is rape.
Anger lowers a woman's libido: if she's upset, she may well not be able to get in the mood until she calms down. And if she's not in the mood, sex can hurt!
This isn't about her punishing him!
If the man is forcing her to have (painful) sex when she's not in the mood THAT'S using sex as a weapon.
Simply, this isnt' about maritalrape - I don't know WHERE you got THAT from.
It's about RESPECT. Any person who plays games and tries to manipulate their partner deserves what they get.
Given the asymmetry of family court, she holds all the cards. Most married men lead sad, sexless lives of quiet desperation, and their wives will quite eagerly steal their house, children and bank accounts once the marriage as progressed a few years and her leverage increases with the arrival of young children.
This is especially pronounced in America where American ladies, no matter how educated will constantly proclaim their victimhood while rifling the pockets of their exes, held down by the legal system with boot firmly on their necks to help the poor dears rape the men's families and bank accounts.
If you are a divorced man and still young, play the field - your married friends will be jealous and wish they could be free of the slavery they have unwittingly got into through marriage.
The trick is NEVER marry an American or Western woman.
Thankfully as the world becomes a smaller place, we won't have to marry these women.
Thank goodness the internet has opened the world up to men to find better wives...
http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2008/02/09/how-to-train-a-husband.html
How to Train a Husband
Want an obedient spouse? A new book says you should coach them like animals.
A married man is like a dog. Actually, in terms of priority, he usually comes after the kids and the dog.
No man should be married in North America - it's financial and legal slavery, and aside from children (who can be whisked away in a divorce), for men there are no benefits to being married.
Thankfully my two adult sons do not want to marry.
I am encouraging them, paying expenses, for them to move to another country...for that exact reason, so they have a chance at a normal life with a normal woman...
Ask men; that's not even rare.
If a man takes the time to truly satisfy a woman ... he'll never be subjected to this kind fo behaviour again.
_ I have headache
- Not feeling well 2nite and whatever myriads of reasons women come up with to withhold sex when they are unhappy about something but refuse to broach the subject. Heard it all before.
This pure blackmail but it makes me laugh sometimes . Y'all are not even creative.
I'm used to get what I want , so I am not having that tantalising mess especially if the girls lays deliciously on my bed.
What makes a woman feel objectified and degraded is when men use them as if they were receptacles for their own pleasure.
When a man is completely present during sex, when he is able to read his partner's body and let her know she is safe to surrender ... some pretty amazing things will happen!
If you've ever been witness a glimpse of that kind fo passion ,you would understand that the LAST thing a woman wants is to push away from that kind of experience.