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Heather Magee


I Call Foul on Wedding Guest List F*ckery

Posted: 03/24/2013 12:44 pm

I recently came across an article in the Daily Mail about a new wedding trend I found to be a bit odd. Have you ever received a lovely card in the mail, assuming it was an invite to a friend's nuptials, only to discover you haven't made the cut? A notification advising you that you are, in fact, not invited?

Apparently there are to-be-wed couples out there who are using these non-invites to clear up any confusion around whether or not someone is invited to their wedding. Ever receive one?

I can tell you firsthand, co-ordinating invites for your top-tier friends and family who are indeed invited to your matrimonial fete is a lot of work (although, I opted for a wedding website and an email blast). Who the hell has time to also co-ordinate cards for the folks who are on the B-list?


If I received a card in the mail advising me that I was not invited to someone's wedding, I would toss that bad boy straight into the recycle bin. Are there really people out there who assume someone is going to lose sleep over not being invited to a wedding? Is it really necessary to break the news in such an official (read pompous) manner?

Some brides are going as far as creating a waiting list, in case some of the A-list guests can't make it. The wedding industry has already made a mint, surely we don't need to add one more expense to an already expansive list? I call foul on all this wedding f&%kery.

If you're in the midst of wedding planning and have established a budget for a certain amount of guests, here's a few tips on how to determine who makes the cut:

  1. Have you engaged with this person socially in the past 12 months? If not, you probably won't going forward so go ahead and strike them from the list.
  2. Does your partner know this person? If you haven't at least introduced them to your future spouse, they should not be witnessing your entrance into marriage.
  3. Are you inviting this person because they are 'part of the group'? Don't feel pressured to invite acquaintances to your wedding. If that's how you're going to roll, you may as well invite your dentist.
  4. Speaking of which, service professionals should not be invited. This includes your hairstylist, even if they did your hair for the big day.
  5. No, you do not have to invite your boss and/or colleagues just because you probably see them more than you see your significant other.
  6. Is your ex on the guest list? Go on and remove that straight away.
  7. Do you have any known problem guests on your list? The guy who always ends up in a fight or that girl who will probably shag the service staff? There's no need to invite liabilities to the party.
  8. Parents' friends who you have never met. This is not a social event for your parents, this is your day. Unless your parents are footing the bill, then the more the merrier.
  9. That distant third cousin, twice removed. Extended family should be included if they have played a meaningful role in your life, but some random rellie you never knew you had doesn't need to be there.
  10. One more way to cut down your list is to have an adult-only soiree, but that depends on the type of party you're planning to throw.

Are you struggling to cut back your wedding guest list? Do you have any other helpful tips? Post a comment or tweet me @urbancowgirl

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  • 1. Avoid Peak Season: Save $1,500

    Get hitched in late summer or winter to shave up to 20 percent off your venue fee. <b>Your new wedding budget: $48,500.</b> <a href="http://www.brides.com/wedding-ideas/real-weddings" target="blank">Get inspired with real weddings!</a><br><br><em>Photo: Getty Images</em>

  • 2. Cut in Packs: Save $2,500

    Shrink your guest list by a table (8 to 10 people) for savings across the board -- from staffing to rentals. <b>Your new wedding budget: $46,000. </b> <a href="a href="http://www.brides.com/wedding-ideas/wedding-invitations-stationery" target="blank"See more invitation ideas!/a" target="blank">See more wedding style ideas!</a><br><br><em>Photo: Getty Images</em>

  • 3. Embrace All-Inclusives: Save $3,125

    A venue with catering packages (country club, hotel, banquet hall) or a private room at a restaurant will save $25 a head. <b>Your new wedding budget: $42,875.</b> <a href="http://www.brides.com/wedding-ideas/wedding-meals-drinks" target="blank">See more catering ideas!</a><br><br><em>Photo: Getty Images</em>

  • 4. Choose Local Flowers: Save $600

    Stick to seasonal and local flowers -- they're eco- and econ-friendly. <b>Your new wedding budget: $42,275.</b> <a href="http://www.brides.com/wedding-ideas/wedding-flowers" target="blank">See more flower ideas!</a><br><br><em>Photo: Getty Images</em>

  • 5. Have Fewer VIPs: Save $660

    A large bridal party equals a hefty florist bill. Cut your posse from six to two and save big on blooms. <b>Your new wedding budget: $41,615.</b> <a href="http://www.brides.com/wedding-dresses-style/bridesmaid-dresses" target="blank">See more bridesmaid ideas!</a><br><br><em>Photo: Getty Images</em>

  • 6. Sorry, No Shots: Save $1,250

    Limit booze offerings to wine, beer, and a couple of specialty cocktails for a 25 percent-cheaper tab. <b>Your new wedding budget: $40,365.</b> <a href="http://www.brides.com/wedding-ideas/wedding-meals-drinks" target="blank">See more wedding cocktail ideas!</a><br><br><em>Photo: Getty Images</em>

  • 7. Focus on Deliciousness: Save $1,250

    Pass four crowd-pleasing apps (in lieu of 10) and offer a plentiful spread of cheeses and bruschetta to save $10 per guest. <b>Your new wedding budget: $39,115.</b> < a href="http://www.brides.com/wedding-ideas/wedding-meals-drinks" target="blank">See more wedding food ideas!</a><br><br><em>Photo: Getty Images</em>

  • 8. Knock a Star Off the Five-Star Meal: Save $1,250

    Serve taste-alikes: prosecco instead of champagne, hanger steak in lieu of filet mignon, and grouper over cod. <b>Your new wedding budget: $37,865.</b> <a href="http://www.brides.com/wedding-ideas/wedding-meals-drinks" target="blank">See more catering ideas!</a><br><br><em>Photo: Getty Images</em>

  • 9. Welcome Turntables: Save $7,300

    Book a DJ: On average, a talented one costs five times less than a live band of the same caliber. <b>Your new wedding budget: $30,565.</b> <a href="http://www.brides.com/wedding-ideas/wedding-music-entertainment" target="blank">See more wedding entertainment ideas!</a><br><br><em>Photo: Getty Images</em>

  • 10. Don't Gild the Cake: Save $1,215

    Top it with one XL sugar bloom instead of a cascade of edible flora to save $10 per slice. <b>Your new wedding budget: $29,350.</b> <a href="http://www.brides.com/wedding-ideas/wedding-cakes" target="blank">See more wedding cake ideas!</a><br><br><em>Photo: Getty Images</em>

  • 11. Give Your Photographer a Curfew: Save $350

    Who wants to pay for shots of drunk, sweaty guests at the end of the night anyway? <b>Your new wedding budget: $29,000.</b> <a href="http://www.brides.com/wedding-ideas/wedding-music-entertainment" target="blank">See more wedding entertainment ideas!</a><br><br><em>Photo: Getty Images</em>

  • 12. Honk Once for Love: Save $1,000

    Avoid having a fancy car on standby the entire day. Choose to make a grand entrance or a big exit. <b>Your new wedding budget: $28,000.</b> <a href="http://www.brides.com/wedding-ideas/real-weddings" target="blank">See more real wedding ideas!</a><br><br><em>Photo: Getty Images</em>

  • 13. Rein in Albums: Save $1,500

    Make one group-friendly edit so you can order the same album for yourselves, your parents, and your in-laws. <b>Your new wedding budget: $26,500.</b> <a href="http://www.brides.com/wedding-ideas/wedding-photos-video" target="blank">See more photography ideas!</a><br><br><em>Photo: Getty Images</em>

  • 14. Skip Letterpress: Save $1,500

    Print all your stationery digitally. Go for great color and typography rather than pricey techniques and chunky paper stock. <b>Your new wedding budget: $25,000.</b> <a href="http://www.brides.com/wedding-ideas/wedding-invitations-stationery" target="blank">See more invitation ideas!</a><br><br><em>Photo: Getty Images</em>

  • Whew! New Budget: $25,000

    Congratulations! Your new wedding budget is just half of the $50,000 you started out with. You've saved $25,000, which leaves you with more funds for your honeymoon -- and your new life together.


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