More

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
Jane Tolmie
Sarah Sahagian

GET UPDATES FROM Jane Tolmie
 
GET UPDATES FROM Sarah Sahagian
 

Don't Blame Adam Lanza's Mother

Posted: 12/19/2012 4:18 pm
Amazing
 Inspiring
 Funny
 Scary
 Hot
 Crazy
 Important
 Weird

We're still reeling from the Newtown murders. But pain and shock don't justify generalizations about mental illness, and neither do they justify more mother-blaming.

Yes, it's ridiculous and dangerous to teach one's kids to shoot assault rifles. Yes, Mama Lanza did that. Yes, apparently she was a "prepper," ready and waiting for disaster to strike, house stocked with tinned foods.

Now she's dead. And it's not the time and place to criticize her as an anomaly, some sort of freakish survivalist, when in fact she was a participant in a broader gun culture that should be getting our serious attention.

It is considered axiomatic that mothers are always the ones responsible for their children's problems. Renowned clinical and research psychologist Paula J. Caplan has spent much of her career analysing the phenomenon of mother-blaming.

Caplan first became interested in this topic while working at a clinic evaluating families. She writes, "I noticed that no matter what was wrong, no matter what the reason for the family's coming to the clinic, it turned out that the mother was always assumed to be responsible for the problem" (Caplan 2007: 592). If you are looking for an example of mother blame today, google "Adam Lanza's Mother."

You'll notice the gun lobby has been silent on the Newtown situation -- heads down, Facebook pages down, very quiet. It's in the interest of the gun lobby for us to focus on narratives of bad moms, paranoid delusions, violent video games, and unstable kids. Apparently, the Asperger army is coming -- despite the fact that Asperger's syndrome is not linked to violence.

In the New York Post, Frank Rosario, Pedro Oliveira JR. and Dan MacLeod assert, "Adam Lanza's mother created a monster."

This claim, however, obscures the truth. No mother shapes her child alone. Mothers of individual children work within a much broader community. Children are also influenced by fathers, extended families, teachers, friends, and neighbours, by what they see in the media, and of course, by the laws and values of the society in which they live. So what would happen if we focused instead on the larger pathology of America's love affair with gun violence?

Adam Lanza's mother raised her son to believe what many politicians, lobbyists and every day folk in America are willing to shout from the rooftops to this day, "The constitutional right to bear arms is sacred!"

Millions of parents across the US teach their children to internalize and celebrate this constitutional right and go so far as to keep guns in their homes. In each one of these situations, there is the potential for a child to wake up one morning and decide to use one of these weapons to commit a crime, with tragic consequences.

When such shootings happen, however, it is far easier to blame one individual woman for being a "bad mother" who created a "monster" than to acknowledge that some aspects of society in general might be bad and in need of changing. Where does the real instability lie?

In times of crisis, it is easier to find a scapegoat than for a society to admit that perhaps some of its own structures are broken. In this case, every American who does not actively support gun control is in fact somewhat to blame for a young man's easy access to legally-acquired firearms.

The sooner people stop scapegoating the mothers of figures such as Adam Lanza, the sooner we might realize that it is everyone's responsibility to examine the society in which they live in order to create a safer world wherein guns like assault rifles, and the horrific, instant violence they can facilitate, are not everyday objects.

As my friend Christy Shake, mommy blogger at Calvin's Story, says, "if you can't hunt without an assault weapon you're an effing shit-ass hunter and you might consider taking up needlework." And as Bill Moyers points out , the NRA's "anti-freedom" rhetoric merely enables senseless violence. There are an estimated 300 million guns in the USA.

So perhaps we should be talking less about bad mothering of children on the autism spectrum and rather more about bad government, bad lobbying, bad marketing, and the asshole army of the NRA.

Loading Slideshow...

  • Twenty-seven small U.S. flags adorn a large flag on a makeshift memorial on the side of Highway 84 near the Newtown, Conn., town line as residents mourn victims killed by gunman Adam Lanza, Monday, Dec. 17, 2012. On Friday, authorities say Lanza killed his mother at their home and then opened fire inside the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, killing 26 people, including 20 children, before taking his own life. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez)

  • In this photo taken with a fisheye lens, a message honoring the victims that died a day earlier when a gunman opened fire at an elementary hang from a bridge near Hawley Pond, Saturday, Dec. 15, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. The massacre of 26 children and adults at Sandy Hook Elementary school elicited horror and soul-searching around the world even as it raised more basic questions about why the gunman, 20-year-old Adam Lanza, would have been driven to such a crime and how he chose his victims. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez)

  • Mourners carry ornaments to decorate the Christmas trees at one of the makeshift memorials for the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting victims, Monday,Dec. 17, 2012 in Newtown, Conn. Authorities say gunman Adam Lanza killed his mother at their home on Friday and then opened fire inside the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, killing 26 people, including 20 children, before taking his own life. (AP Photo/Mary Altaffer)

  • Crayons sit on a table outside of a barbershop a day after a gunman opened fire at Sandy Hook Elementary School, Saturday, Dec. 15, 2012, in the Sandy Hook village of Newtown, Conn. The massacre of 26 children and adults at Sandy Hook Elementary school elicited horror and soul-searching around the world even as it raised more basic questions about why the gunman, 20-year-old Adam Lanza, would have been driven to such a crime and how he chose his victims. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez)

  • Crayons sit on a table outside of a barbershop a day after a gunman opened fire at Sandy Hook Elementary School, Saturday, Dec. 15, 2012, in the Sandy Hook village of Newtown, Conn. The massacre of 26 children and adults at Sandy Hook Elementary school elicited horror and soul-searching around the world even as it raised more basic questions about why the gunman, 20-year-old Adam Lanza, would have been driven to such a crime and how he chose his victims. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez)

  • Tamara Doherty

    Shop owner Tamara Doherty, paces outside her store just down the road from Sandy Hook Elementary School, Saturday, Dec. 15, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. The massacre of 26 children and adults at Sandy Hook Elementary school elicited horror and soul-searching around the world even as it raised more basic questions about why the gunman, 20-year-old Adam Lanza, would have been driven to such a crime and how he chose his victims. (AP Photo/David Goldman)

  • Tamara Doherty, Jackie Gaudet

    Shop owners Tamara Doherty, left, and Jackie Gaudet, right, meet outside their stores for the first time since being neighbors, just down the road from Sandy Hook Elementary School, Saturday, Dec. 15, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. The massacre of 26 children and adults at Sandy Hook Elementary school elicited horror and soul-searching around the world even as it raised more basic questions about why the gunman, 20-year-old Adam Lanza, would have been driven to such a crime and how he chose his victims. (AP Photo/David Goldman)

  • Kristin Hoyt

    Kristin Hoyt, 18, of Danbury, Conn., ties a balloon to an overpass up the road from the Sandy Hook Elementary School, Saturday, Dec. 15, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. The massacre of 26 children and adults at Sandy Hook Elementary school elicited horror and soul-searching around the world even as it raised more basic questions about why the gunman, 20-year-old Adam Lanza, would have been driven to such a crime and how he chose his victims. (AP Photo/David Goldman)

  • A Newtown, Conn., resident, who declined to give her name, sits at an intersection holding a sign for passing motorists up the road from the Sandy Hook Elementary School, Saturday, Dec. 15, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. The massacre of 26 children and adults at Sandy Hook Elementary school elicited horror and soul-searching around the world even as it raised more basic questions about why the gunman, 20-year-old Adam Lanza, would have been driven to such a crime and how he chose his victims. (AP Photo/David Goldman)

  • A snowflake ornament with the name of 6-year-old Noah Pozner hangs on a Christmas tree at a makeshift memorial in the Sandy Hook village of Newtown, Conn., Monday, Dec. 17, 2012, as the town mourns victims killed in Friday's school shooting. Pozner, who was killed Friday when gunman Adam Lanza opened fire inside the Sandy Hook Elementary School, will be buried Monday. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez)

  • Twenty-seven small U.S. flags adorn a large flag on a makeshift memorial on the side of Highway 84 near the Newtown, Conn., town line as residents mourn victims killed by gunman Adam Lanza, Monday, Dec. 17, 2012. Authorities say Lanza killed his mother at their home and then opened fire inside the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, killing 26 people, including 20 children, before taking his own life, on Friday. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez)

  • Jamie Duncan, 16, of Newtown, Conn., lights a candle at one of the makeshift memorials for the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting victims, Monday,Dec. 17, 2012 in Newtown, Conn. Authorities say gunman Adam Lanza killed his mother at their home on Friday and then opened fire inside the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, killing 26 people, including 20 children, before taking his own life. (AP Photo/Mary Altaffer)

  • A mourner carries a giant Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal to place at one of the makeshift memorials for the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting victims, Monday,Dec. 17, 2012 in Newtown, Conn. Authorities say gunman Adam Lanza killed his mother at their home on Friday and then opened fire inside the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, killing 26 people, including 20 children, before taking his own life. (AP Photo/Mary Altaffer)

  • A hearse arrives at B'nai Israel Cemetery with the body of Noah Pozner, a six-year-old killed in an elementary school shooting, during funeral services, Monday, Dec. 17, 2012, in Monroe, Conn. Authorities say gunman Adam Lanza killed his mother at their home on Friday and then opened fire inside the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, killing 26 people, including 20 children, before taking his own life. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez)

  • People arrive at B'nai Israel Cemetery during burial services for Noah Pozner, a six-year-old killed in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, Monday, Dec. 17, 2012, in Monroe, Conn. Authorities say gunman Adam Lanza killed his mother at their home on Friday and then opened fire inside the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, killing 26 people, including 20 children, before taking his own life. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez)

  • Veronika Pozner

    Veronique Pozner waves to the assembled media as she leaves after a funeral service for her 6-year-old son Noah Pozner, Monday, Dec. 17, 2012, in Fairfield, Conn. Noah Pozner was killed when Adam Lanza walked into Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., Friday and opened fire, killing 26 people, including 20 children. (AP Photo/Jason DeCrow)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Twenty seven wooden stand in a yard down the street from the Sandy Hook School December 16, 2012 in Newtown, Connecticut. Twenty-six people were shot dead, including twenty children, after a gunman identified as Adam Lanza opened fire at Sandy Hook Elementary School. Lanza also reportedly had committed suicide at the scene. A 28th person, believed to be Nancy Lanza, found dead in a house in town, was also believed to have been shot by Adam Lanza. (Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Newtown residents Claire Swanson, Kate Suba, Jaden Albrecht, Simran Chand and New London, Connecticut residents Rachel Pullen and her son Landon DeCecco, hold candles at a memorial for victims on the first Sunday following the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School on December 16, 2012 in Newtown, Connecticut. (Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    U.S. President Barack Obama waits to speak at an interfaith vigil for the shooting victims from Sandy Hook Elementary School on December 16, 2012 at Newtown High School in Newtown, Connecticut. (Photo by Olivier Douliery-Pool/Getty Images)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Eknoor Kaur, 3, stands with her father Guramril Singh during a candlelight vigil outside Newtown High School before an interfaith vigil with President Barack Obama, Sunday, Dec. 16, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. A gunman walked into Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown Friday and opened fire, killing 26 people, including 20 children. (AP Photo/Jason DeCrow)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    New London, Connecticut resident Rachel Pullen (C) kisses her son Landon DeCecco at a memorial for victims near the school on the first Sunday following the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School on December 16, 2012 in Newtown, Connecticut. (Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    US President Barack Obama speaks during a memorial service for the victims and relatives of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting on December 16, 2012 in Newtown, Connecticut. Twenty-six people were killed when a gunman entered Sandy Hook Elementary and began a shooting spree. AFP PHOTO/Mandel NGAN

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    A woman covers her face as US President Barack Obama reads out the names of children killed during Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting at a interfaith memorial for victims and relatives at the Newtown High School on December 16, 2012 in Newtown, Connecticut. Twenty-six people were killed when a gunman entered Sandy Hook Elementary and began a shooting spree. AFP PHOTO/Mandel NGAN

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    A woman pays respects at a memorial outside of St. Rose of Lima Roman Catholic Church, Sunday, Dec. 16, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. On Friday, a gunman allegedly killed his mother at their home and then opened fire inside the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, killing 26 people, including 20 children. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Residents wait for the start of an interfaith vigil for the victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting on Sunday, Dec. 16, 2012 at Newtown High School in Newtown, Conn. A gunman walked into Sandy Hook Elementary School Friday and opened fire, killing 26 people, including 20 children. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Cheryl Girardi, of Middletown, Conn., kneels beside 26 teddy bears, each representing a victim of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, at a sidewalk memorial, Sunday, Dec. 16, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. A gunman walked into Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown Friday and opened fire, killing 26 people, including 20 children.(AP Photo/David Goldman)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Connecticut State Police officers respond to a bomb threat outside of St. Rose of Lima Roman Catholic Church, Sunday, Dec. 16, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. Worshippers hurriedly left the church Sunday, not far from where a gunman opened fire Friday inside the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Ava Staiti, 7, of New Milford, Conn., looks up at her mother Emily Staiti, not pictured, while visiting a sidewalk memorial with 26 teddy bears, each representing a victim of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, Sunday, Dec. 16, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. A gunman walked into Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown Friday and opened fire, killing 26 people, including 20 children. (AP Photo/David Goldman)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    This photo provided by the family shows Jessica Rekos. Rekos, 6, was killed Friday, Dec. 14, 2012, when a gunman opened fire at Sandy Hook Elementary School, in Newtown, Conn., killing 26 children and adults at the school, before killing himself. (AP Photo/Courtesy of Rekos Family)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    A U.S. flag flies at half staff outside the Newtown High School before President Barack Obama is scheduled to attend a memorial for the victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, Sunday, Dec. 16, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. A gunman walked into Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown Friday and opened fire, killing 26 people, including 20 children. (AP Photo/David Goldman)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    David Freedman, right, kneels with his son Zachary, 9, both of Newtown, Conn., as they visit a sidewalk memorial for the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting victims, Sunday, Dec. 16, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. A gunman walked into Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown Friday and opened fire, killing 26 people, including 20 children. (AP Photo/David Goldman)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    A man reacts at the site of a makeshift memorial for school shooting victims in Newtown, Conn., Sunday, Dec. 16, 2012. A gunman opened fire at Sandy Hook Elementary School in the town, killing 26 people, including 20 children before killing himself on Friday. (AP Photo/Charles Krupa)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    People wait in line to attend an interfaith vigil with President Barack Obama, Sunday, Dec. 16, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. A gunman walked into Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown Friday and opened fire, killing 26 people, including 20 children. (AP Photo/Jason DeCrow)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Residents greet each other before the start of an interfaith vigil for the victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting on Sunday, Dec. 16, 2012 at Newtown High School in Newtown, Conn. A gunman walked into Sandy Hook Elementary School Friday and opened fire, killing 26 people, including 20 children. (AP Photo/ Evan Vucci)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Residents greet each other before the start of an interfaith vigil for the victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting on Sunday, Dec. 16, 2012, at Newtown High School in Newtown, Conn. A gunman walked into the school Friday and opened fire, killing 26 people, including 20 children. President Barack Obama is to scheduled to speak at the event. (AP Photo/ Evan Vucci)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Residents greet each other before the start of an interfaith vigil for the victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting on Sunday, Dec. 16, 2012, at Newtown High School in Newtown, Conn. A gunman walked into the elementary school Friday and opened fire, killing 26 people, including 20 children. President Barack Obama is scheduled to speak during the vigil. (AP Photo/ Evan Vucci)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    This image provided by the family shows Grace McDonnell posing for a portrait in this family photo taken Aug. 18, 2012. Grace McDonnell was killed Friday, Dec. 14, 2012, when a gunman opened fire at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., killing 26 children and adults at the school. (AP Photo/Courtesy of the McDonnell Family)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    This Nov. 18, 2012 photo provided by John Engel shows Olivia Engel, 6, in Danbury, Conn. Olivia Engel, was killed Friday, Dec. 14, 2012, when a gunman opened fire at Sandy Hook Elementary School, in Newtown, Conn., killing 26 children and adults at the school. (AP Photo/Engel Family, Tim Nosezo)

  • Emilie Alice Parker

    This 2012 photo provided by the family shows Emilie Alice Parker. Parker was killed Friday, Dec. 14, 2012, when a gunman opened fire at Sandy Hook elementary school in Newtown, Conn., killing 26 children and adults at the school. (AP Photo/Courtesy of the Parker Family)

  • Noah Pozner

    This Nov. 13, 2012 photo provided by the family via The Washington Post shows Noah Pozner. The six-year-old was one of the victims in the Sandy Hook elementary school shooting in Newtown, Conn. on Dec. 14, 2012. (AP Photo/Family Photo)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    This handout image provided by ABC News, shows Nancy J. Lanza mother of suspected mass shooter Adam Lanza at an unspecified time and place. Twenty six people were shot dead, including twenty children, after a gunman identified as Adam Lanza opened fire at Sandy Hook Elementary School. Lanza also reportedly had committed suicide at the scene. A 28th person, believed to be Nancy Lanza was found dead in a house in town, was also believed to have been shot by Adam Lanza. (Family of Nancy Lanza / ABC News / Getty Images)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/huff-wires/20121215/us-school-shooting-victims/?utm_hp_ref=homepage&ir=homepage">Lauren Rousseau, 30,</a> had started a job as a full-time teacher at Sandy Hook Elementary School this fall. She was killed in the Dec. 14 shooting at the school.

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    School psychologist Mary Sherlach, 56, was killed during an attempt to stop gunman Adam Lanza during the Dec. 14 mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/huff-wires/20121215/us-school-shooting-victims/?utm_hp_ref=homepage&ir=homepage">Sherlach and school principal Dawn Hochsprung</a> reportedly both lunged at Lanza in an attempt to protect the school's students and teachers. Both Sherlach and Hochsprung were killed.

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Victoria Soto, a 27-year-old teacher, was killed in the Dec. 14 shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School. Her cousin, Jim Wiltsie, told ABC that Soto, a teacher, died while shielding her young students from the gunman, <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/huff-wires/20121215/us-school-shooting-victims/?utm_hp_ref=homepage&ir=homepage">according to the AP.</a>

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/14/sandy-hook-principal-dawn-hochsprung_n_2303944.html">Sandy Hook Elementary School Principal Dawn Lafferty Hochsprung</a>, 47, was killed as she, along with school psychologist Mary Sherlach, attempted to overtake gunman Adam Lanza during the Dec. 14 mass shooting at the school. Hochsprung and Sherlach reportedly both lunged at Lanza in an effort to defend the students and teachers at the school. Both women were killed.

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    This photo posted to the Emilie Parker Fund Facebook page shows Emilie Parker. Fighting back tears and struggling to catch his breath, Robbie Parker the father of 6-year-old Emile Parker who was gunned down in Friday's school shooting in Connecticut told the world about a little girl who loved to draw and was always smiling, and he also reserved surprising words of sympathy for the gunman. (AP Photo/Emilie Parker Fund)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Shop owner Tamara Doherty paces outside her store just down the road from Sandy Hook Elementary School, Saturday, Dec. 15, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. The massacre of 26 children and adults at the school elicited horror and soul-searching around the world even as it raised more basic questions about why the gunman, 20-year-old Adam Lanza, would have been driven to such a crime and how he chose his victims. (AP Photo/David Goldman)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    This photo posted to the Emilie Parker Fund Facebook page shows Emilie Parker and her father Robbie Parker. Fighting back tears and struggling to catch his breath, Robbie Parker the father of 6-year-old Emile Parker who was gunned down in Friday's school shooting in Connecticut told the world about a little girl who loved to draw and was always smiling, and he also reserved surprising words of sympathy for the gunman. (AP Photo/Emilie Parker Fund)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Robbie Parker, the father of six-year-old Emilie who was killed in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, fights back tears as he speaks during a news conference, Saturday, Dec. 15, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. (AP Photo/David Goldman)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Isabella Jimenez, 12, reacts while talking to reporters about the shooting rampage from a day earlier when a gunman opened fire at Sandy Hook Elementary School, Saturday, Dec. 15, 2012, in Newtown, Conn. Jimenez said she might know the victims because she has done volunteer work with small children. The massacre of 26 children and adults at Sandy Hook Elementary school elicited horror and soul-searching around the world even as it raised more basic questions about why the gunman, 20-year-old Adam Lanza, would have been driven to such a crime and how he chose his victims. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez)

  • Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

    Newtown, Connecticut mass shooter Adam Lanza is third from right in this 2008 yearbook photo. <a href="http://abcn.ws/UlqIyn">(ABC News)</a>

 
FOLLOW CANADA
Read more from Huffington Post bloggers:
Earl Ofari Hutchinson

Earl Ofari Hutchinson: What If President Obama Simply Issued Executive Orders Toughening Gun Curbs?

If Obama issues executive orders toughening gun curbs he would and should be applauded for it. But the ball is still in Congress and the public's court to do everything possible to prevent another Sandy Hook massacre.

 
 
  • Comments
  • 41
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Comments are closed for this entry
View All
Favorites
Bloggers
Recency  | 
Popularity
Page: 1 2 3  Next ›  Last »  (3 total)
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Jane Tolmie
2 Fans
10:21 AM on 12/28/2012
We did not title this 'Don't Blame Adam Lanza's Mother.' We titled it something like: How does a mother make a monster? The Lanza case reconsidered -- but it was changed to this. That does focus attention on one of our goals, which is to raise awareness around mommy-blaming as a widespread cultural phenomenon. Attentive readers can see there is no effort here to say parents have no responsibility. The point is that there are other huge issues at stake, and as we said, this is not the time and place to criticize the mother as an anomaly, when she was a participant in something very widespread.
Permalink  |
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Jane Tolmie
2 Fans
03:19 PM on 12/22/2012
This might be of interest:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/20/opinion/kristof-looking-for-lessons-in-newtown.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0
Permalink  |
photo
EvilSpirit
65 Fans
12:11 PM on 12/20/2012
Heres the thing, as parent you are in somewhat responsible for the actions of your child. If that kid found the cure for AIDS do you not think she's be getting some credit for raising him? Now total responsibility rests on her son of course but this happened on her watch as parent. There is some responsibility that needs to be taken n regards to how she could have raised hims.
Permalink  |
GBC1
8 Fans
11:12 AM on 12/20/2012
Well, the fact remains that the one person, and the only person, who could have prevented these horrific events was Nancy Lanza, by getting the arsenal she maintained out of her house given the mental condition of her son, which had deteriorated to the point that she was seekling to have him committed to an institution.

Sorry, but this is her fault, she is responsible, plain and simple.
Permalink  |
wetcoastm
Free Speech As Dictated By Our Sponsors
272 Fans
09:23 AM on 12/20/2012
She could have easily stored her guns outside of her home and not taken her son to the range. He couldn't buy weapons on his own - he tried.

She provided the access to weapons - she has a share of the blame.
Permalink  |
GBC1
8 Fans
11:14 AM on 12/20/2012
She has the entire blame. Her son was not mentally competent and could not be responsible for anything. It is all on her, 100%.
Permalink  |
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
June Conway Beeby
32 Fans
08:34 AM on 12/20/2012
This mother's belief in the 'fun of guns' is because she was surrounded by a culture that told her this was a good thing. 'There's the rub.'

It will take a sea change and enormous dedication if America is ever to change this "love a gun" ethos that grips too many of its citizens
Permalink  |
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Warren Yuill
Jesus Built My Hot-Rod
210 Fans
08:16 AM on 12/20/2012
The guy probably lived online playing multi-player first person shooter games.
As that rush faded he started demanding access to the real hardwear.
And she bowed to pressure and got him the tools of the tra.
The only people he had any real connection with were the members of his gaming clans.
And they, being annonymous were free to influence this twisted young man in any manner that might amuse them.
I've played these games.
Online and multiplayer mode.
You have direct voice connection with other players as you travel through the game maps allowing you to communicate and strategize with your team members.
It doesn't take long to spot the weirdos.
The guys who seem to have too much invested in the game .
That seem to always be online
That just talk too casually about the horrific things they have done during game play.
The ones who are just a little...... off?
And you see how fast they become outcasts
How fast they become the target of aggressive bullying comments.
He seemed to have gone to great lengths to destroy the hard-drive on his computer.
Like he was trying to hide his tracks or possibly he was 'instructed' to hide his tracks.
Could be he was infuenced by others online to prove himself.
You have to figure, nothing good can come of spending hours and hours of your life pretending to kill people.
Permalink  |
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
photo
dimitrius
Resurrecting Jeffersonian principals in the 21st
53 Fans
05:53 PM on 12/19/2012
"Yes, apparently she was a "prepper," ready and waiting for disaster to strike, house stocked with tinned foods."

Curious, how do you think "preppers" would handle Hurricane Sandy, or Hurricane Katrina. How do you think "preppers' would handle the Japan tsunami if they were left with no help for days? So I suppose the writer of this article thinks that we should sit and wait for the government to save us, when they have proven to be unreliable in the face of disaster, COUNTLESS TIMES.

Crazy is someone who thinks everything will always be the same, and stores will always be stocked. Crazy is someone willing to play the victim in the face of disaster because societal norms tell them that's crazy lol

So anyone you know now that stores food, water or thinks that they should have the right to protect themselves in-case of unforseen circumstances is deemed as crazy because of this one incident!?

What is wrong with people these days. Specifically the socially marginalizing article written above.

Chalk up another win to collectivism on the alter of individual responsibility.
Permalink  |
Wigggy
0 Fans
09:15 AM on 12/20/2012
Americans live in the richest country in the world. I don't understand why they don't have the wit to look after and care for one another, the wherewithal to develop genuine community.

And while there's lots of good in the Constitution, a country built around the notion that ANY form of government is just tyranny in some guise that needs to be managed at gunpoint is bound to ultimately fail.
Permalink  |
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Zozzer
Dum Spiro Spero - While I breath, I hope.
26 Fans
05:34 PM on 12/19/2012
If parents have guns, I'd rather the children in the house know what they are and how to use them. As well to know what a gun can do to another person.

More than gun control, gun education needs to be more emphasized.

I do agree most people tend to look to the mother, even though for the past 30 or so years many mothers have been working and thus are no longer the primary caregiver. Movie rating agencies also need to re-prioritize, as while it is deemed damaging to see a man and a woman having sex, a kid seeing a person shot will not harm them mentally. I don't get it...
Permalink  |
mikelly99
0 Fans
05:16 PM on 12/19/2012
I completely blame his mother. This woman collected 300k in alimony- what else did she have to do but raise her son? If this woman was from the hood- and her son did this heinous act we'd be blaming all over the place. But because she's a "person of means" we're focused on video games. GIVE A Break!!!!
Permalink  |
cathiecrites
0 Fans
05:01 PM on 12/19/2012
The mother is very much to blame. When you have a child who has severe mental issues the very last hobby you should have is gun collecting. There are many other hobbies available that could possibly have been beneficial for both she & her son.
Permalink  |
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
Kong
347 Fans
11:52 PM on 12/19/2012
Yeah, I agree. The missing part no one seems to want to acknowledge is how parental "guidance" can influence a troubled child. The hording. The homeschooling. The accumulation of assault weapons on the belief she'd need them for killing when Armageddon arrived. I'm not suggesting her paranoid beliefs drove him to violence, but that kind of emotional influence just doesn't help a deeply troubled child. Of course the w|ng.nuttia right here hate hearing the obvious.
Permalink  |
brinkley4
26 Fans
04:36 PM on 12/19/2012
Being unaware of your child's mental state, or being unwilling to follow up obviously can have serious consequences.
Permalink  |
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Michael747
232 Fans
04:35 PM on 12/19/2012
You may have noticed that society has become a self absolving unit. The collective is never responsible for anything.
Permalink  |
photo
Lillee
76 Fans
04:34 PM on 12/19/2012
How about blaming the shooter? There would be some justification for pinning responsibility on his mother if he was a child. People are referring to him as a kid. He was an adult. The victims' blood drenched him, not any admittedly reprehensible NRA official. Disturbed or not, Lanza knew exactly what he was doing. Is a psychotic person totally disconnected from reality capable of plotting and following through? He had the presence of mind, at an opportune day and time, to load the weapon guaranteed to kill en masse, transport it concealed, murder twenty children and six adults, shooting each child more than once, and take himself out as the finale. Lawmakers, society, schools, parents are all taking the heat for this monster. Maybe part of the problem is, kids with violence-wired brains often grow up hearing that another is always to blame for their wrongdoing and suffering, so they feel justified wreaking vengeance and relinquish impulse control, in this case punishing the community by slaughtering their little ones. Troubled sons are treated like kids even in their twenties. A host of mental / emotional disorders sprang up over the past three decades or so. Agreed the mentally ill are not receiving proper care, but also children should be trained to hold accountability for their actions, and when adults in emotional pain, to seek help rather than scapegoating--worsecase murdering--others for their trouble.
Permalink  |
photo
procrustes13
507 Fans
08:07 PM on 12/19/2012
I see. How shall we communicate to the world that such activities are unacceptable? Do we gibbitt the corpse? Do we summarily execute some Asperger people as an example? What do we do?
Permalink  |
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
photo
amh1985
3 Fans
03:47 PM on 12/19/2012
In this case it is the mothers fault. She provided the guns and training (even though she knew her son had mental health problems and was in the process of having him committed to a psych hospital against his will). She also provided a fearful living enviroment because of her survivalist attitude. She also didn't store her guns safely. Although Paula Caplan is right it is not always the mothers fault, in this case it is.
Permalink  |
Page: 1 2 3  Next ›  Last »  (3 total)