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Since When Does Writing About Sex Make You Less Of A Conservative?

06/19/2017 02:19 EDT | Updated 06/19/2017 04:54 EDT
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It's been years since the article was written, but it is still Google's number one hit for me when you search my name.

It pre-dated my card-carrying Conservative membership, but I had been assigned and written articles regarding sex when I was a freelance journalist nearly 10 years ago, trying to make ends meet and writing about everything from how to dye your poodle's hair to the second Intifada. Journalists learn variety throughout their careers. One of the first things I learned in journalism is that nothing under the sun is uninteresting to the journalist. You find a story in everyone, in everything.

Let's count the ways writing sex columns could interfere with my work. Hmm, I count none.

I only have four children, with 36 months of pregnancy; how could I possibly atone for the rest of my feminine life with these handful of sex articles in ratio to the hundreds of others I wrote? Wait, could that possibly mean Conservatives actually thought about sex for pleasure? Was that a faux-pas in the handbook when I became a candidate? No, no it wasn't.

Let's disregard me being in North Korea, pregnant, and turning away a meal because it was dog soup with coarse hairs protruding out of the meat in the bowl.

Let's disregard years at National Defence, handling NATO files and arms proliferation. Arriving in Darfur during the genocide in 2004 and being turned away from where I was supposed to sleep because the NGO decided at the spur of the moment it was too dangerous to keep a journalist there -- but rather subject her to a night with militia known to rape and kill.

No, let's focus on the article where I talk about masturbation.

woman hands laptop

(Photo: Baona via Getty Images)

Bombs going off in the Palestinian Territories and walking through them because I knew my terrorist interviewees were targets in the buildings I was in. Forget about it -- the elephant tattoo I got removed by laser and wrote about speaks volumes more about my character.

Director of Communications in three GoC departments and the Senate. But Google me, and I'm a sex columnist and it's an issue with PCO apparently -- said a journalist. Let's count the ways writing sex columns could interfere with my work. Hmm, I count none.

Maybe if I had been older, rounder, if I wore no makeup, or if I were a man, the fact that I wrote a handful of sex-advice columns wouldn't have been a story. But it was -- and written by a woman. Had I known I'd be so popular for these stories 10 years later, my, I could have exploited this! And, goodness, if I hadn't been knocked up so much I could have actually tried the experts' suggestions they provided for the articles -- but I had a big, beautiful pregnant belly that would have probably gotten in the way of many of the suggestions. If anyone thought they were my own creative musings I curtsy, but unfortunately I'm not that savvy.

I couldn't even fake being a Liberal like a bad fake orgasm.

Many comments from the public when this faux sex-pert became involved in politics even suggested I should be a Liberal.

Gasp! What an opportunity that could be for me right now. Too bad innately I am not. I couldn't even fake being a Liberal like a bad fake orgasm.

Viper eyes. Transgender-looking. Sex columnist. You can decide to hate me, try to humiliate me, criticize me; that's OK, thanks for the humility you inspire... somehow despite the sex-talk tagged on to my name, I still have a job and get up and do another day in the NCR, entirely grateful that some people recognize the deliberate embarrassment that story was meant to provide not just to me but to our party.

Pfft, sex. Who needs it? Only all of humanity.

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