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11 Ways Motherhood Is Like "The Walking Dead"

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SCIENCE SCARING
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My mother is visiting this week. Last night, after putting my son to bed, I lowered my pregnant self onto the sofa and revved up the DVR. Mom said she didn't care what we watched. So I clicked on the newest episode of AMC's "The Walking Dead." As the credits rolled, she stared at me in horror. "This is your favorite show? Isn't it about, like, zombies? How could you possibly relate to or enjoy a show about zombies?"

Oh, mom. It's so clear... motherhood and The Walking Dead are eerily similar.

  1. Once they become "Walkers," you can never take your eyes off of them. Only destruction and injury will result.
  2. You're often starving, not knowing when your next meal will come from, but you are distracted by life or death situations that need to be dealt with. Eventually, you'll grab something to eat while on the run.
  3. Ravenous beings are constantly pawing at you, and attempting to sink their mouths into your flesh.
  4. 2016-03-26-1458957626-1879235-zombies598387_1920pixababy.jpg

  5. Personal hygiene and fashion take a back seat to practicality, durability, and just plain survival.
  6. Sex is a lovely distraction, if you have the energy for it, but has to be done quickly, quietly, and positioned behind some kind of obstruction as not to be witnessed by the Walkers.
  7. Circumstances make for strange alliances. You may become tight with that dad down the hall who you previously had nothing in common with, just because you both see each other as occasionally useful. And there is no shame in that.
  8. Putrid smells of rotting flesh that previously would have made you vomit, are barely noticeable.
  9. Sometimes things just get so messy, that you have to avert your eyes.
  10. When agitated, noises will come from your Walker's mouth that rival wild animals.
  11. You may feel like you finally have things down, a system in place, a routine that can work. And then the Walkers evolve. Game changer.
  12. If you mess up, there will invariably be people discussing it immediately, evaluating and second-guessing your choices, whether it's the Mean Moms or Chris on "The Talking Dead."
Convinced?

(@2015 Jennifer Weedon Palazzo, as first published on Scary Mommy)

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