I work in a large office building equipped with 12 elevators. I make use of the elevators at least eight times a day. Working in the building for the past six years, I've had ample opportunity to observe an interesting phenomenon and that is elevator protocol.
There are standard rules when it comes to elevator etiquette; current riders should be allowed to exit before new riders enter, one should allow for personal space and so on. But when it comes to the proper elevator etiquette for men versus women there seems to be conflicting opinions.
Emily Post, a name that is synonymous with proper etiquette and manners, says that when exiting an elevator the person nearest the door should leave first, regardless of gender.
A diverging view on ElevatorRules.com says that men should allow women to exit the elevator first, unless the male is blocking the door.
So which is correct? It's difficult to be sure and perhaps there is no right answer; only a matter of personal opinion. But here is where I witness the phenomenon. It seems that men over the age of 30 (give or take) tend to allow women to enter and exit the elevator first. On the other hand, younger men tend to exit and enter based on order and personal desire to get on or off first.
Personally I don't mind either way. I don't find it necessary to be allowed off first; in fact it can sometimes get a little awkward. And I'm not particularly offended when the opposite occurs. I'm more concerned with the thought that chivalry is dead, or at least dying.
No matter how society changes, it's still nice to be treated with a little chivalry. It's a reminder that good, old-fashioned values are still regarded. Call me a traditionalist but I still appreciate the small, gentlemanly gestures men make towards women; a door held open or a seat pulled out at a restaurant.
Popular television shows like Mad Men come to mind when discussing the topic of antiquated values. Though men seemed more chivalrous in the '50s and '60s, woman also enjoyed fewer freedoms.
Men stood when a lady entered the room decades ago, but women weren't allowed to have an opinion on the state of their country. Women were expected to have dinner on the table at the end of the work day but men took their hats off before sitting down.
So the question emerges; have we traded chivalry for freedom? How are young boys being raised today? Are they being equipped with these retro ideals or is chivalry a fading behaviour?
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ElevatorRules.com : A Pracal Guide To Elevator Etiquette
Elevator Etiquette 101 — Scheiss Weekly
Do most people recognize sexism in their daily lives? And what does it take to get them to shake their sexist beliefs? In a recent..."
on the same page as the article asking "Is Chivalry Dead?"
At any minute any chivalrous thing a man does can be called "benevolent sexism" and now he's a jerk.
Or he can decide to not be "benevolently sexist" and instead he's a jerk for not being "chivalrous."
Men are doomed.
Because of the demand for equality no man should even think of holding a door open for a woman if they wouldn't do the same for another guy under the same conditions.
It's not uncommon for a man, and there are some bloggers on huffpo who do this religiously, to veil their sexism with chivalry. A mandate that men need to 'protect the weaker gender' has both the chivalrous protect AND the misogynist 'weaker.' To put a woman on a pedestal is to objectify her.
Aside; when I get in the elevator - I try to position myself so that I am furthest from the door, which solves the problem :)
I'm 55, and I always let ladies off first, and but I'm pretty sure not a lot of guys do, because I almost always get a nice smile and thank you. That's the one upside of chivalry dying... it means those of us who still practice it find that much more easy appreciation.
While I follow the ladies first rule on elevators, I don't usually rise when a woman leaves the table or returns. It just feels awkward, and I rarely see any man of any age do that.
The building I work in has a sporadic and frankly crappy elevator service. I often find myself with a large group of people, some with cycles, waiting for the same car. Sometime I feel like a maitre'd trying to make everyone comfortable about their ride up. Sometimes it results in spontaneous conversation, more often it's kind of a "are you following me?" sort of look.
I can only speak for an urban setting since that's where I live but I find most women deeply suspicious about the chivalrous act. "Do you want to be second so you can follow me?" Sadly, this is not without some justification.
Ha, I also find myself saying "your welcome" when I get no response from a man or woman. I know they won't like me for the rest of the day but perhaps they will say thank you to someone else another day.
Watch this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymNdfdQvdVc
That guy has more insight, common sense and rationale than anyone in Washington or Ottawa.
Scathingly brilliant.
Speaking for myself my answer is no. I still hold doors for women and defer to them in elevators etc. and they also can exercise the freedoms afforded to them in the modern age.
Oh, I also do so for the elderly and small children. Although at my age finding elderly people, defined as older than me, is getting more difficult. LOL Ok, not really but I am getting there quickly.