How you perceive your children, how they interact with you and how you learn to be your best in the world in the very place where it is most difficult -- amongst the people you love -- all of that will change for the better!
The system I work from is based on my first book "The Slacker's Guide to Success - 13 steps to Personal Success in the New Millennium."
It works for almost everyone. Most young people really do want to succeed and do good work while gaining a sense of self-worth (this may sometimes be hard to believe for those who know these young people, but not me). Given the proper tools, these teens and young adults find their way to success.
Something very interesting happens as they progress, and the parents see the impossible occur. It becomes very clear that the old ways of communication between parents and their children also need a new way to evolve to a richer and healthier way.
You must discover your child as the new person they are becoming -- and they are a new person. Not because of their mentor. Not because of surmounting their challenges (although both of those things help).
They are a new person because that is the evolutionary truth of people. The baby you held in your arms is not the same person that your young adult has become. Look at your own life. Investigate the things you have done at different ages and think about how you would have felt being judged at these different stages by the things that challenged you as a child.
By gaining a set of skills that will help you communicate with them, you will meet a whole, happy, healthy person who has been the object of your life since you first laid eyes on them. This new person will bring to your new relationship, new thoughts, new things to share and their own wisdom to enhance both your lives.
Isn't that worth the price of changing your own habits of being heard and listening in a new way? Yes. That's right. The title of my book is How to Be Heard, but (and you can quote me): "If you want to get something... give it"!
The best way to be heard is to learn a new way to listen.
First, I shall share with you the secrets of what your child really means when they say certain things. Are you ready?
Learning to Speak Millennial
The ultimate passive-aggressive diss.
Fine stands for f***ed up, insecure, neurotic and emotional.
When a child gives up to your repeated requests and says "fine," what they are really saying is "it is so not worth arguing with you. I shall give you this agreement, which is not really an agreement but my disdain for you, your clothes and the high horse you rode in on." (Caution: Millennials don't actually speak that way. This is my translation of them in a way that parents can relate to.)
"I've already done it"!
(Translation) "I know and you know I haven't done it, and we both know that if I say I haven't done it you will yell at me and then I will yell back, so, in effect, I have vowed to get this done after I play an endless amount of video games... unless I forget... which doesn't count because I intended to."
"Yes, I will"!!
"My friends are waiting for me online to keep playing the game. You are merely an annoyance and so whatever I tell you now is my nice way of not telling you to f*** off because I want to play. You should appreciate that. Promises void where prohibited by my doing you a favour."
"Oh my G-d! Did you not understand what I meant when I said, "Yes I will?!?!" Read the above translation. Trust me. I am doing you a favour. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"
The real promise:
"I really intend to do whatever it is you have asked of me if I happen to remember it (which is not likely based on past experience), and I do believe that my intention should be all that is truly required of me. The resentment I feel from you reminding me over and over that I NEVER do these things just makes me want to do these things even less. That is all".
I'm sure you know what we call the act of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome:.. Parenting.
Sometimes we do great things but don't take the time to acknowledge what we have accomplished. To climb that mountain and not take the time to take in the view from the summit is not have taken the journey in our hearts. Our hearts needs the time to reach whatever physical summits we achieve in life. Always take the moment to let all of you; your physical, mental and spiritual/emotional sides witness the great things in life.
May your journey be filled with challenges. May you overcome each challenge with inner-faith, kind self-speak, grace and humour, and may the creative force of life guide your path with a sense of adventure and wonder.
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