NOTE: I often have a problem writing things like these, because they're too serious. The wrong person writing them can be a terrible thing, and I don't see myself as the right person. But, as I sat there over the weekend and watched CNN's coverage of Sarah Palin's Tea Party rally in Iowa, it took all I had to not launch myself off my parent's balcony. Even my mother, one of the more reserved and "careful with her words" kinds of people you'll ever meet walked in and said, "She scares me." Despite my better judgement, here are my thoughts:
You need to stop.
It's not the Republican thing, or even the Tea Party thing. Because, myself being from Canada and having just finished my fifth year of university, it's almost assumed that it would be one of those two reasons.
It's not the 'maverick' thing from 2008 because, believe it or not, I kind of liked that. I kind of liked the jokes it created and the Tina Fey impression it inspired. I enjoyed the rap song Amy Poehler performed on SNL's Weekend Update, one of the few segments of that comedy show that has remained as fresh as it was since the Farley era.
It's not really the book you "wrote" (or, more likely, had written for you) called Going Rogue. I mean, fair enough... it's a bestseller, it's a book... whatever.
People write books about everything, and if that Rhonda Byrne lady could make bank off of The Secret, then why can't you off of your own manifesto? (And, yes, I understand what the word 'manifesto' implies.) After all, you've had experiences even if you haven't had "experience," so to speak. Why can't you have a voice?
It's really not those things. Not even the Matt Damon thing.
It's more the constant rhetoric. It's your unintelligence. It's the fact that you haven't changed your vocabulary, your naive swagger, or your blind faith in a cause that you seem to know little about.
It's that you're so damn clueless about everything that doesn't have two lenses and sits on your nose. You're so out of it, so childish and mentally undeveloped that I can't believe you actually know what you are saying. I know that when you say things like, "We need to take this country back!" or "We need to make this country great again!" that you really have no clue what that means.
Somebody needs to tell you that this isn't reality TV. This isn't your daughter's premiere on Dancing With The Stars and this isn't Oprah. This is the fate of a country, the fate of a people, and the fate of -- really -- a lot more than either of those.
You talk about morality and values, but most people would argue that the current president -- even with all the turmoil that he and the United States' economy have gone through in the past three years -- has class and grace oozing out of his toes. He is intelligent and he is plugged in. Nobody can take that away from him.
Most would argue that the greatest victory of value in the past decade -- hell, since 1945 -- has been the fact that a country that once had so much racial strife, so much hatred and violence in the streets (and still does, in many ways) elected a black president.
If that's not a milestone -- if that's not one of the greatest moments in your country's history -- then I don't know what is.
And yet, you want to take this country back... you want to make it great again?
What exactly do you mean? What exactly do you think you mean? What exactly did your speech writers mean when they told you to say that?
There wasn't any mention of the economy in that speech, largely because I don't think you have any clue what's going on right now. I know you know that big words like "unemployment" and "recession" have been trending on Twitter for four years, but I feel that's about as deep as you can go.
Your country has, for too long, been ruled and run on the prospects of fear and hatred.
Politics is politics, yes, but why do I get the feeling that you really, truly think your cameo on that reality TV special with Kate Gosselin was a qualification for a seat in the White House?
It truly scares me that you may one day have some position of power. It truly scares me.
It truly scares me that you feel you are ready to run a country when you couldn't answer this question: "What newspapers do you read?"
Thank you, Katie Couric.
Sarah, not only should you not be in a seat of power, you shouldn't be on the front lawn of the White House. Bo, the First Dog, should bark at you when you put your fingers on the gate.
You shouldn't even be the Team Mum of that hockey team you claimed to have cheered on in Alaska.
We often forget that we once actually gave her a chance. When she was announced as John McCain's running mate, we actually read up on her, watched the analysis of her, and learned of her background. And, as she continually fumbled her way through every single second of pre-election coverage, we continually made excuses for her.
"Give her another shot," we said. "Let her go on Saturday Night Live."
We gave her a shot once, twice, thrice... and she never hit the target.
Please, please, please... say this is it. Say it's done. Say your time in the spotlight is over.
The White House isn't about the spotlight. At the end of the day, it's about being qualified, about being the right person for the job -- regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation -- and, at the end of it all, we need to know that the person in there will do the right thing when the time comes.
At least, they need to be able to answer that question from Katie Couric.
Kolby SolinskySuggest a correction