Not too long ago I was in a mall. I'm hardly ever in malls. I was running around, trying to complete my 503 errands and I found myself walking really fast to a place called nowhere. I grabbed a scoop of my favourite Baskin Robins ice cream, and didn't taste a thing. My bag weighed a ton, (those Thomas trains are not light) trying to figure it all out with a head full of thoughts, a mind full of ambition and a heart full of love. My movements resembled panic. And I had no idea how to talk to people.
Without complaining and with a shortness of breath, it was at that moment I was convinced that women were designed to take care of others, save the world, introduce new foods and culture to their offsprings. And ultimately be the only one standing to get that tomato-sauce stain off your child's dress shirt. Toothpaste didn't work. Truth is, there will always be errands, but that afternoon, my heart beat to catch up and it raced and raced with the thought of one concept, sleep.
I had just birthed a beautiful newborn and I lost myself without comprehending how or why. I wasn't given a warning. I had to hold on tight to this new blessing -- this new situation. That hamster-wheel of my life was nine years ago.
Today, I look at my nine-year-old boy with amazement. He does activities that I never did as a child. He is kind. And he likes salads. Maybe I wasn't as worse as I thought. I stare at my four-year-old and my two-year-old and am relieved that I am at a totally different place.
Back then, it wasn't about taking control or balancing everything out. It wasn't about the books or the glares. For me, it was about survival. It was about hiding all the crying and running away from feeling lost. But the thing was, if you don't know where you are, running ain't gonna to set you free.
Today is about intention.
My spiritual idol, Dr. Wayne Dyer went to a better place this passed summer. How can you miss someone without having met them? In one of his books he writes, "You have to just be. You have to let go. You have to allow. You have to be free and make this your consciousness." He continues, "Basically, what you would see is a frequency (of energy) that manifests itself through the process of giving, of allowing, of offering and of serving. It asks nothing back."
Whether you have one child or ten, you are a parent. You understand life in many other ways that unparents don't. The growth and resilience of your children is being relied by you. That's a lot of pressure and a lot of clothing stains. But as a parent and as a person, you are growing too. As I reminisce about when my newborn became allergic to sleeping at night, I did not expect that I would encompass peace. And complete trust with myself today. Now, I create vision-boards to facilitate my dreams, to validate my intentions and I include images that attain those aspects that have no words. Grasp the value in your growth, hold it close and move forward.
Instagram is flooded with photos of cats, yoga poses and food. @SeedsOfThree on Instagram and Twitter is not just about food art, it's actually an open space where conversations can happen. And has. It's about handing out encouragement, empowering women and parents. It also provides meal-solutions, health info and innovative ways to get your kids excited about healthier options. It's about living with intention and giving them tools to get enthusiastic about life.
Choosing to make each day count combined with a mental plan takes definite time and strength. The results in which you harvest were once seeds. Those seeds are called intention.
Somewhere between that Running-Zach mall-visit and now, I made choices, (Save by the Bell ref.) I followed trends instead of listening to who I was. I made mistakes. I got up. I've embraced what I've been given. I am blessed. Instilling time and knowledge to your kids is probably the best gifts you can give.
You know that cheesy question you often hear during cheesy celebrity-interviews, 'If you could tell your younger self something you wished you knew, what would it be?' Well I'm going to cheese out and answer it.
I would tell my Debbie-Gibson-spirit-animal-self that you are right on track. Take more moments to breathe and make a lot of messy-mistakes. Just like patience, kindness is a virtue. There are more green vegetables than broccoli and iceberg lettuce. Being different is the best way to live your life. Don't lose sight of YOUR bucket list.
And lastly, live and love with, intention.
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