THE BLOG

Are You Sabotaging Your First Dates?

09/28/2015 05:36 EDT | Updated 09/28/2016 05:12 EDT
Jamie Grill via Getty Images
USA, New Jersey, Jersey City, Couple having dinner and text messaging

A first date can be awkward or enjoyable, exciting or boring, amazing or excruciatingly painful. People are simultaneously putting themselves forward and sizing each other up with everything leading toward the one important decision they need to make: whether or not to have a second date.

Even if they really like each other, nothing can happen between two people if they don't progress to date number two. So, it's really sad when a couple is potentially compatible, but one or both of them does something that sabotages the possibility of a second date.

Not infrequently, the first date is filled with anxiety. Our nerves can get the best of us and lead us to make crucial mistakes. We need to calm down so we don't do anything to spoil our chances of having date number two.

Here are the 10 behaviours guaranteed to sabotage your first date. Learn them and avoid them at all costs.

1. Trying too hard to impress

When you're showing off, you're not showing your real self and you risk coming across as phony or desperate. All of this will ruin your chances for date number two.

2. Not trying hard enough

If you're not really trying to make a good first impression, the other person could see you as lazy or self-centered. Wearing sweats and going to the cheapest place you know is the perfect recipe for an endless stream of first dates.

3. Verbal diarrhea

If you go on and on and don't let the other person get a word in edgewise, your date will feel that you're not that interested in them, that you're egocentric, or maybe that you're on speed. None of this will encourage them to go out with you again.

4. The silent type

If you sit there like a lump and let your date do all the talking, they're going to think that you're pathologically shy, incredibly dull, unwilling to make an effort, or equipped with zero conversational skills, none of which will encourage a second outing.

5. Too hot to handle

People need time to get comfortable with each other. Being too intense on a first date is too much, too soon. It'll scare away the stable people or attract the emotionally unstable.

6. Running an interrogation

Collecting facts has little to do with establishing a rapport. A barrage of personal questions will make your date uncomfortable. Even if they're polite enough to answer your questions, don't expect them to volunteer for another 20-questions session.

7. Over-sharing

You might think that you can create instant intimacy by spilling your guts to the other person, but it's more likely to create awkwardness between you. Your date might feel obligated to over-share as well, and will probably regret it later. Either way, it's unlikely that they'll sign up to hear another round of your gory details.

8. Talking dirty

Sex talk on the first date is overkill. It might lead to sex, but not necessarily to a second date. If you want a relationship, you should let the sex evolve out of the connection that you've established rather than trying to base your connection on sex.

9. Technology addict

If you're responding to texts, posting tweets, checking your email, or taking selfies during your first date -- all of which are rude, rude, rude, by the way -- anyone with the smallest amount of self-esteem will write you off. Be forewarned.

10. Boorishness

Bragging, name-dropping, being dismissive to the wait staff, bad manners, poor hygiene, coming late and not apologizing -- all of these are unacceptable behaviours, and anyone with a reasonable dose of self-worth will have none of it.

As they say, knowledge is power. Keep this list close by and you'll be sure to have a second date -- and maybe even third, fourth and fifth dates, as well.

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