Being a mom is a hard job and it is one that you have for life. The ups and downs are challenging enough and on top of that you have to deal with unsolicited advice and some very rude questions from "well-meaning" strangers.
So, well-meaning strangers and maybe some concerned family or friends, let me help you quit while you are ahead. Here are a few questions you should never ask a mom.
Are You Done Having Kids?
When I was told by a specialist that I should consider sterilization at the age of 26, it was devastating. I felt numb and in a trance like state. I had to be snapped back to reality and the reality was that I was not ready to stop having kids. I wasn't done having kids but, it was beyond my control.
A few years ago I suffered from bi-lateral pulmonary embolisms (caused by Nuvaring birth control) and I was told that I shouldn't have any more kids because it would put me into high risk of recurrence and/or death.
What he didn't tell me was how much it would hurt.
For one, it isn't anyone's business and for another, you never know the struggles that that person has gone through to arrive to that decision. Asking this can make a person relive a painful time in their life or just really piss them off. Steer clear of this one!
When Are You Going to Try for a Boy/Girl?
Well, I wish it were that easy to decide if I wanted a boy or girl. I couldn't inherently decide that my next and last child WILL be a boy. In fact, it's a 50/50 chance that it could be but, to assume that I feel there is something wrong because I don't feel the need to have either gender is kind of rude. Trust me, our family is right just the way it is.
What Do You Do All Day?
Well, it certainly isn't sitting around and doing nothing all day if that is what you are referring to. Being a Mom requires not only keeping human beings alive but, keeping them fed, clean, entertained and loved. Not to mention mountains of laundry, keeping a house and maybe even taking care of the family pet. But, if you do ask, expect raised eyebrows and maybe a whole lot of sarcasm.
Is He/She Yours?
Umm, excuse me? You are going to have to repeat that because I can't get over how absolutely horrific that is to say to someone. Yes, it has happened to me. Having two mixed raced girls that don't look exactly like me has sparked this question many times. Why does it even matter in the first place?
Is That Your Brother/Sister?
Being a young mom comes with its challenges and having to answer this question over and over is exhausting. If it is my child or if it's my sibling, why is it that YOU need to know?
It is most often times older ladies asking this question. So, I ask you older lady, how would you feel if/when you are with a child and someone comes up and asks you if you are their grandma? Doesn't feel so good does it?
Take away lesson: Don't ever ask anything that questions or implies anyone's age.
How Cute! Is It a Boy or Girl?
Perhaps my daughter's pink onesies and sparkly earrings (don't even get me started on infant ear piercing criticism) didn't give it away. Or maybe his blue truck t-shirt and jeans wasn't clue enough. Who knows?
Wow, You Have HOW Many Kids?
Oh boy. This question implies that if you go over a certain amount of kids that you lack self-control or don't own a TV. That having more than the "conventional" two kids isn't good enough. Just don't. Also, don't assume that if someone has 4 or more kids that they are struggling. You don't know them and you know what they say about assuming. Again, someone's version of perfect is much different than yours, right?
When Are You Due?
Or are you pregnant? This is a question that everyone already knows to avoid. Or if you don't, you should. Some moms' bodies bounce right back and they may not look like they've had children and others have a harder time.
Don't ever ask this question to any woman, mom or not.
It can truly hurt someone's feelings and for what? Is it just to appease your curiosity? Plus, if you were to ever ask me, I'd answer with a "No, I'm just really fat." I will enjoy watching you turn 50 shades of crimson while you insert your foot in your mouth.
There you have it. I think the most important thing to remember is to be kind to whoever you meet. Put yourself in their shoes and deliberate how you would feel if you were asked any of these questions. Hope this helps, now go forth into the world and just be kind!
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