Happy 4/20, you guys! On this day of days I want to take the time to confess something. I write comedy and I don't smoke weed. I know, I'm sorry. It's really disappointing. That's probably one of my most frequently asked questions I get after people find out what I do. Here's why it doesn't work for me.
Yes, it's been 25 years since I was an awkward teenager, screaming pop ballads out my car window on the way to my job at K-Mart. Like many people, the songs of my teen years hold a special place in my heart. So this week I'm taking the Delorean to 1990 and remembering what the Top Five Songs were on Billboard's Top 100 chart this week way back when.
This television season has seen a few examples where the critics and audiences both agreed on a show. One example is the very funny Schitt's Creek, which airs its finale this Tuesday March 31st at 9pm EST on CBC. Canada is known for its comedic talent, but a half-hour comedy that was home grown and sustained an audience...well, there have only been a few.
Sometimes it's just as hard to hear that you can do anything as it is to hear you can't. It's an intense amount of pressure that lives inside your heart and constantly wants to take you over and confine you to your bed because it's too much work. To be honest, it can be exhausting being told to follow your dreams.
I don't wear makeup because of society. It's not because every endorsed picture of the naturally exquisite Sofia Vergara makes me want to set my corneas on fire. It's not because I don't like what I see in the mirror without embellishments (okay, it's a bit of all of those things). It's because, for the most part, wearing make up makes my days better.
The fact is that these skits, commercials and musical performances have been there for many of us, our entire lives. Saturday Night Live, in its various mutations, has run parallel to all of our life changes. It represents a constant in this world of disposable stars and deplorable excuses for what we call "entertainment."
There will be others after Stewart, just like there have been others during Stewart. But it's not enough to be an activist, or to be annoying, or to be loud, or to just only occasionally hit the nail on the head, or whatever. Stewart was often left of someone on the right, often right of someone on the left.
Dunham has changed the game on how young women can talk about their bodies, and their lives, and their problems. But my general reaction to this sentiment is UGH because we had to wait for someone to do that. I can be funny and popular now because the general public has a frame of reference for me. People can now qualify how funny or attractive I am based on another human being's life.
As I creep ever closer to death and settle in to my old age (23 is the new 83!) I've made a couple of realizations about myself and how I'm gonna get out there and put my stamp on the world. So allow me to impart upon you my sage wisdom that I've accumulated in my whole, like, 16 months as a human adult lady.
Rare are the moments where reading of an actor's passing does much more to me other than illicit a half-shrug before I carry on with my day, but in the case of Robin Williams it stopped me straight in my tracks. Williams depression wasn't new. He was an alcoholic with a long history of substance abuse. He dodged consistent allegations of stealing jokes throughout his years as a stand-up comic. He suffered. Despite and through the laughs, he suffered.
At its best, YouTube is the Garden of Eden; not only for the next generation of comedians, but actually forming the next generation of comedians. It's way more than just a promotional tool. At its worst, YouTube is the ruthless Angel of Death, and perhaps for an entire comedic genre...namely, stand-up. Gulp.
This is what happens when you realize you can't just smoke weed and masturbate for the rest of your life. That's maybe cruder terms than what I was actually doing (which was mostly Netflix and beer) but hearing someone say it woke me up. After spending most of my first out of school fall getting drunk on Wednesday days and dicking around I was just kinda sad. So I started a blog!
It's exciting to be living in an era of television where we see more and more clever women gracing our TV screens -- especially ones who look and act like us. But at the same time, there seems to be a growing attack on femininity in the name of progress. And that's why Mindy Kaling's brand of feminism is becoming increasingly important.
You will not be a normal person when you finish this. You may wake up from this in four years and be like "who is this person that I am now?" I'm always sort of on the verge of tears, I'm too busy to eat or shower, I can't not articulate every single word, I haven't worn real pants in years, I'm not as funny as I used to be, the list continues for literal days.
This is what it actually feels like to be not a girl not yet a woman. You're young enough to go out drinking on a Monday afternoon and old enough to take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror the next morning. You're young enough to still wear leggings as pants but old enough to realize you really need to start doing some squats.
For those of you who know me personally, you'll know that I'm in a pretty serious relationship with Detroit. Detroit needs to make a call for actors, writers, artists, comedians, photographers, to work on a sense of community through laughter, joy and creative expression! It's not a solution but it certainly wouldn't hurt. Detroit needs a younger sibling to make sure that they don't get swallowed up in their own sadness.
People are literally always trying to date me (that's a lie). So, I thought I would just streamline the whole process and give everyone a few tips and tricks on how to deal, play along, keep up, and woo that special little comedy nerd in your life. Follow these how to's and you wont just be sitting front row at your close friend's shitty improv show, you'll be sitting front row at your girlfriend's shitty improv show.
I never tell people the kind of money I make. Mostly, that's because it changes all the time. Some clubs pay very well, some not so much. There is no industry standard and the money changes from week to week, depending upon everything from experience to location to number of shows performed per week.