You can safely assume by the fact that I had four children in five and a half years, that I did not have much difficulty conceiving. However, two of my very best friends struggled for years to get pregnant, so while I would not want to give advice to someone who can't conceive, I do feel qualified to give advice about what do to when your friend can't get pregnant while you can.
A strange thing happened when my son was diagnosed with autism a few years ago. Some of my friends dove for the hills. They didn't all disappear, but some just gradually dropped off. This post isn't about finger-pointing. I get how hard it is. You don't know what to say without feeling awkward or guilty.
Like a good friend are looking forward to guiding her through the hemorrhoid-laden, mood swing-driven, nauseating ball of heartburn, nine months of torture that pregnancy can be. But as months pass, you wait for a sign that she has any pregnancy symptom aside from her perfect beach ball belly and constant gold and pink glow.
There is a wellspring of magic in women empowering other women. I would argue that it is one of the most transformational forces in the world for stretching our purpose on this planet. But I have witnessed that as powerful as we can be in uplifting each other, we are also a formidable force for bringing each other down.
I used to be one of those girls who said I didn't like girls. Now I'm really embarrassed. I am a reformed girl hater. I still have a ton of dude friends (whom I also love and am obsessed with and think the world of and enjoy the person I am when I am with!) but I learned how to be a good girlfriend.
I have been with my husband for 13 years, seven of which we have spent as a married couple. Roughly five-and-a-half years ago I started dating. Women. It may sound like I succumbed to something akin to the seven-year-itch, let my hair down and started to experiment a little, but the truth is rather more mundane: I joined my first baby group.
Ten years ago, most of my friends were male. That's not to say that I didn't see the value in having girlfriends, I just preferred the simplicity and lighthearted approach of men. There was very little drama and very low expectations associated with these kinds of friendships. But once I reached my mid-20s, girlfriends became more important.
You're a wife and mother to a four-year-old with another baby on the way. I, on the other hand, am still single, trying to figure out my next career move and wondering if I'll ever find a husband or have kids. I know we've always called ourselves "best friends," but lately I've been wondering if we're living up to the title.
I know when my children were young, I intentionally put my career on hold. I just instinctively knew I couldn't handle both, and my children were my priority. But I also don't think we should become martyrs to motherhood either and I recognize that taking a break or reducing your involvement can limit your future success.