You look the other way and pretend not to notice or be bothered. You force yourself to not ask who your spouse is texting and not show how worried or hurt you are. You lay awake and stare at your partner's phone, wishing you could look through it but not wanting to cross that line. Finally, you crack.
The recent Ashley Madison hack hasn't just exposed user data - it's also brought to light our various attitudes toward marriage and monogamy in today's high-tech, high-strung society. There are many reasons people stray and technology enables infidelity in a way that is faster and easier -- although certainly not more secretive -- than ever before. Yet in the end, it is always a question of choice. "Will I break the promise I made to my spouse?" In the wake of the Ashley Madison hack, we're seeing a lot of "You got what you deserved!" opinions.
I'm a big believer in some personal autonomy. I don't feel I owe it to my husband to share every one of my deepest and darkest secrets. And I don't push him to tell me everything on his mind either. God no, I don't want to know everything on his mind. I'm a gal who enjoys a bit of mystery and his over-sharing would be a buzz kill. But there is a difference between "thought" and "action". It's fine to fantasize -- no harm is done.
The media likes us to think that the perfect body, both male and female, is what we want to hold forever, but I'd like to disagree. I'd like to watch time take its toll and hear the words "I love you" with the same sincerity that was spoken when I was once young and beautiful. There is something in this that means so much more than the superficial joy of having someone frozen in perfection.
Before you know it, the spouse and his or her extra-marital friend are comforting each other, turning to each other for advice, sharing details of their intimate life and relationships, and texting each other with increasing frequency and intimacy. As the excitement of their forbidden friendship grows, the dynamics in the marriage deteriorate. After all, three's a crowd.
The reality is there are too many unsatisfying and empty relationships. Consequently in today's instant gratification society, at least half of men and women are looking for a quick fix of what they need outside of their relationship. If cheating is easy and there is a high payoff, why wouldn't they?
It's why I thank my mother and father for raising me with good self esteem and it's why we should raise our daughters with good self esteem. So she can stand on her own two feet without a man -- if ever need-be. So if ever she finds herself in a marriage where her hubby is parking his penis in another woman's garage, she has options.
Cheating is about one thing, and that's the transgressor's inability or unwillingness to reconcile the feeling of love with the decision to love. Feeling love is easy, because it's a largely chemical affair. But, once we cross that bridge into a serious, committed monogamous relationship, those feelings aren't enough. The decision to love is another matter entirely, and one that many cannot come to terms with.
M.S. Shadlock's controversial sexual thriller, The Inferno, is about a "sex hotel and casino" in Las Vegas where you gamble with sex, not money. It explores -- among other things -- what happens when couples push the limits of their sexuality in an effort to spice-up their marriages. Would couples really go to a place like this?
Dating and social networking sites provide low-risk, high-excitement ways to connect with strangers and/or reconnect with past friends or lovers. The payoff -- a rush of adrenaline and arousal -- is instantaneous and people often mistakenly believe that they have made an authentic, meaningful connection with someone they have either never met or barely know.
In many cases, couples' counselling can be the final nail in the marital coffin. Why? Because counselling is a practice that focuses on the self. This "all about me," approach is the precise opposite of what struggling spouses need to save a marriage in crisis. It's naïve to think that an individual's personal experience with marriage doesn't factor into the relationship advice they dispense.
It's a devastating thing for a woman to admit -- that her husband seems to have lost his desire for her. Women often jump to the conclusion that unsatisfying sex is the reason for the chilly temperatures. Yet as often as not, men withdraw from their wives for non-sexual reasons. Check out these eight Do's and Don'ts to see whether any of them might help reignite his spark for you.
This widespread resentment toward Christian Grey -- kink version of the Alpha male -- has sparked a furor among men. But men are missing the point. It isn't Mr. Grey's bank account or bondage gear that makes him Mr. Right. The real reason women lust after him is because he makes them feel lusted after.
Last year I spent out eight hours with a handsome "urban cowboy" at a bar. A day and a make-out session later, I found out he was married. I told his wife what had happened. I don't know if I made the right decision, so after a year of not speaking to her, I got in contact with her, and here's what she had to say about knowing that her husband cheated on her.