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Peter Worthington

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The Column You'd Never Expect Me To Have Written

Posted: 07/25/2012 11:29 am

I was chatting with the National Post's Andrew Coyne and a bunch of others at a party last weekend, and he mentioned a column I'd written for the old Financial Post that drew more response than anything the paper had experienced at that time.

I couldn't remember, and thought it might have been about my dogs -- all Jack Russells, which I get teased about at the Sun because I occasionally suggest good reporters should emulate JRs: curious, fearless, relentless, fun and smart -- but not too smart.

But no, Andrew was thinking of an early column I'd written about cutting my own hair, that provoked a huge, unexpected response.

"Do you still cut you own hair?" someone in the group asked, looking appraisingly at my rumpled head.

"Of course," I said. "The difference between a good and bad haircut is about three days."

While I firmly believe that, it's not quite true that I never go to a barber. I go about once a year to Pat's Barbershop in Leaside where Tony repairs the damage of 11 months of hacking and trimming myself.

Sometime in the early 1950s, my father rebelled against the rising price of haircuts -- from 75 cents to $1 -- and starting cutting his own with a gizmo that was a comb that had an adjustable razor blade. After each trimming he kind of looked as if he had mange, but hair was not one of his vanities. Nor is it mine, perhaps because I've still got lots of it, though it is no longer jet black.

After a dozen years of cutting his own hair, the company that made the gizmo sent my father a gold-plated replacement out of gratitude for his loyalty. My father was inordinately proud of this honour, though my mother was mildly embarrassed at it.

When my father died in 1967, I inherited the gizmo and used it until I ran out of its special razor blades in the mid-1970s. I wrote the company, explained the situation, and wondered where could I buy blades for their gizmo?

I got a rather sad letter back, saying the company had gone out of business, but they'd managed to find a bunch of blades which they were sending me, free of charge and full of gratitude for being so loyal. And God bless my father.

A dozen years later the replacement blades had all been used up, even though I tried sharpening them by honing them on the inside of a glass (as my father did).

I've since tried various replacements, none of which have had the versatility of the original gizmo. Most are quite adequate nonetheless.

The one I use now, is Chinese-made that I bought at a drugstore for $1.50. One side has two standard shaving blades end to end, the other side has one blade for trimming the sides really short.

When they get dull (you can tell because they tug the hair and it kind of hurts) you reverse the blade and you're in business again. Replacement blades are cheapest at the chain of dollar stores. If I'm really careful when trimming myself, the hair looks more or less normal. But if I'm in a hurry or impatient (which is more usual than not), I seem to have curious patches of skin showing through the hair, and I look a bit lopsided.

Yvonne, my wife, is inclined to say disparaging things about the appearance, but I launch into my spiel about three days covering up the difference between a good and bad haircut.

She is rarely convinced, but what do I care?

My family thinks I cut my own hair because I'm too cheap to go to a barber.

It's not that at all. It's because it's quicker and easier. You don't waste time at a barbershop, even though the one in Toronto's Leaside is really efficient and friendly.

When you cut your own hair, it's best to do it naked, otherwise you get covered in strands of your own hair. Naked, you take a shower and wash your head, and use dampened toilet paper to wipe up all the hair that lies scattered on the bathroom floor.

Maybe the above is more information than most people want to know, but if anyone decides to follow my lead, it's good to know before you start.

Back in the late 1980s when I wrote the original column, I discovered from the responses that I wasn't alone in do-it-yourself barbering. That was strangely reassuring.

Ever since, I occasionally find myself looking at hairlines -- especially sideburns -- and wondering if the person has a haircutting gizmo stashed away that no one knows about.

Times have changed, and maybe today no male cuts his own hair.

That I still do, both puzzles and amuses my grandkids -- none of whom would dare risk going to a "barber," but prefer to spend a small fortune going to a "hair-stylist."

They think I'm nuts, while I know they're nuts. Vanity, vanity... The saga continues.

 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Torontosaurous
09:58 PM on 07/26/2012
With everything going on in the world,you waste this privilage writing about your hair.Are you sure you are worthy worthington?Who do you think your audiance is for this piece - cranky old cheapskates?I'ts no wonder the sun is considered on par with the national enquirer.Please move over and give your blog space to someone else,even james freakin' franco!
04:53 PM on 07/26/2012
I got fed up with the insane cost of multi-blade razor cartridges, so three years ago I switched to an old-style, single-blade safety razor. Now my blades cost $2.oo for a pack of 5 blades, and I get better, more comfortable shaves! Back to the future!!
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jf12
Esta vez saldré como las otras y me escaparé.
10:59 AM on 07/26/2012
I've tried. I can't do it well because of overexpectations. I can forgive barbers but I can't forgive myself, so I wind up overcorrecting, always. I'd prefer my wife to do it, but she won't because of laziness. She says it's because I'm too picky, but actually I'm the opposite for her. Just like dinner - anything she makes is vastly preferable to going out to either fast food or a gourmet restaurant - anything ,anything at all.
11:37 PM on 07/25/2012
Shaved my head Jan 2, 1998, cause I didn't want to where hats or hairnets (chef) anymore. After I left that particular job, kept the shaved head because of ease of maintenance. I shave with a razor in the shower, no mirror. Don't shave your head when it's 30 below out. Just sayin...
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Mike Keohane
09:03 PM on 07/25/2012
Look at my photo. Nice hair, eh.
07:52 PM on 07/25/2012
Great article! "My family thinks I cut my own hair because I'm too cheap to go to a barber." thats exactly what i get too. Eventually i got better now its im to good to go to the barber! Learning to cut your own hair is rather easy, and with enough effort youll be barber free in no time.
07:29 PM on 07/25/2012
If you stand in the shower, you won't have to mop up the floor. Hair clippers can be had for 30 bucks, so on the the second use you are already in the black. Keep at least $200/year in your pocket for one head, more if you have other lids involved. The only question is, why didn't I start doing this earlier?