THE BLOG

Why Sexual Variety Is So Important

08/12/2013 08:37 EDT | Updated 10/12/2013 05:12 EDT

When we think of sexual variety we may think of finding a new lover. The sexual charge we get from a new set of lips and unfamiliar body can fuel great sex. But that new partner soon becomes not-so-new, leaving this kind of sexual variety to be more of a 'quick fix' -- with only the memory of a new challenge to drive our arousal.

A longer lasting solution for pumping up your sexual 'oomph' comes from a different type of sexual variety. By changing the how instead of the who, we can open a world of sexual pleasure for a lifetime.

We learn to get body pleasure early in life. Whether it first came in the form of a comforting blanket between our legs, a wandering hand in bed, or a stream of warm water in the bathtub, when we have found a way that works in giving us pleasure, we tend to keep it. Alas, we will use the same method again... and again ... and again, often to the exclusion of all others -- and rely on this one way to bring us to orgasm almost every time we are sexual. This proprietary method of self-pleasuring tends to become 'locked-in' as we age. The brain-body pathways have learned that particular technique -- hand-strength and body position -- as THE way to orgasm.

We should celebrate finding 'the way' to orgasm, shouldn't we?

Yes, absolutely! AND, no, not necessarily.

There are a few reasons why it helps to increase our erotic flexibility:

  1. We get more pleasure in a variety of different circumstances.

    When we are able to reach orgasm in different positions, with assorted types of stimulation, we feel more confident, less distracted and can get the pleasure we want out of sex.

  2. We reach orgasm more easily with a partner.

    The most common reason to increase erotic flexibility is to be able to orgasm in the presence of our lover. If a partner does not know how to, or want to, do 'our method', we will likely have trouble reaching orgasm with them. Tips to orgasm with a partner.

    All too often we forego using our preferred method in front of our partner feeling that it is too embarrassing, cumbersome or un-sexy.

  3. We give more pleasure to our partner.

    Erotic flexibility also allows us to be better lovers. When we are more flexible ourselves we can be more spontaneous and reactive to our partner and their own proprietary methods.

  4. We are more sexually satisfied.

    Research has found the more sexual variety we have, and the more open we are to new things, the more we feel sexual satisfaction.

Test your erotic flexibility

The better we become at our preferred method of self-pleasuring, without incorporating other techniques, the harder it is to be erotically flexible.

Try it yourself: Take a break from reading this to stimulate yourself. Now, do everything you would normally do except this time -- switch hands. If you usually use a vibrator, water, dildo, etc., use your hand instead. Now see how easily you can reach orgasm. Okay, change back, because you are probably getting frustrated. Do you see how your reactions and impressions are different?

How do you become more erotically flexible? The solution is re-training, establishing new patterns and practice. While this may be not as immediate or initially as fun as finding a new lover to boost your sexual energy, it will bring you more sexual pleasure for years to come.

Find out here how to enhance your erotic flexibility