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There's No Christ in My Christmas

Posted: 12/25/2012 7:59 am

This Friday, President Obama delivered a statement on the fiscal cliff, urging policymakers to compromise, admitting idealistic optimism that Congress can come to an agreement within the next ten days. Then he wished "every American a Merry Christmas." The Christians, the Jews, the Muslims, the Atheists, the Buddhists, the Nudists. Every. Single. American.

As an aggressive antitheist, my knee-jerk reaction was to be outraged. "How dare he! That's basically state imposition of religion!"

But actually, it's quite the opposite.

Christmas has, without a doubt, morphed into more of a cultural holiday than a religious one. Offices around the country close their doors and families gather to imbibe eggnog, unwrap gifts, laugh, hurl insults, eat too much chocolate, and fall asleep cuddling with the dog by the crackling fire. It's magical.

I have been affirmatively opposed to organized religion since about the age of 14. Since reading Christopher Hitchens' magnum opus, God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything, my freshman year of college, I've become an aggressive "agnostic teetering on the brink of Atheism," to quote Martin Amis.

But alas, I love Christmas. As you can imagine, this is often a point of contention in debates, which usually go something like this:

"So, you hate religion and think it's evil, but you love and celebrate Christmas? Christmas wouldn't be here if it weren't for Christ, so how can you say 'religion poisons everything'?"

Now, I could devolve into the argument about the pagan origins of Christmas, but I'll leave that to the Hitch. Mostly, the reason I can love Christmas without entirely debasing my argument is because Christmas has become more cultural than it is religious. There's nothing remotely religious about eggnog, "chestnuts roasting on an open fire," or a sparkling evergreen. There's certainly no Christ in my Christmas. Lots of family though!

Even if you don't celebrate Christmas, you passively partake in the festivities by merely walking down the street. Municipalities from Los Angeles to New York City invest funds in eccentric Christmas displays. Townspeople gather around the lighting of the big tree in the square. Main Street is adorned with twinkling lights and Christmas carols hum from every corner of the shopping mall.

In college, I lived with three of my best friends -- all Jewish. We always had a miniature Christmas tree and, let me assure you, I deserved no credit for its proud placement on our dining room table.

One of the three friends is the granddaughter of a man and woman who were sent to Riga and Auschwitz concentration camps during World War II. Her family keeps kosher. She fed us latkes during Hanukkah. And the moment the calendar flipped to December, Christmas carols could be heard blasting from her room for the next few weeks.

Look, if you want to "keep Christ in Christmas," by all means, set up your Nativity scene and go to midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. It's a free country. I, along with the increasing number of non-Christians, on the other hand, will be by the fire, glass of wine in-hand, listening to some Nat King Cole, snug as a bug in my new Christmas pajamas.

13 of the best "All I Want for Christmas" covers:

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  • 'Love Actually'

    There are lots of feel-good moments in this 2003 holiday favorite, but Olivia Olson stole the show when she sang for the boy who chased her through the airport to say goodbye.

  • Justin Bieber and Mariah

    17 years after the original, Mariah got back in a sexy santa suit for this 2011 duet with Justin Bieber that was included in his holiday album <em>Under the Mistletoe</em>.

  • Rhema Marvanne

    She was only 7 when she recorded this version in 2010, but this gospel singer has range!

  • Mariah with Jimmy Fallon and The Roots

    In their holiday sweaters -- or a low-cut red gown in Mariah's case -- they rocked out a delightful version with classroom instruments on <em>Late Night With Jimmy Fallon</em> earlier this month.

  • Lady Antebellum

    This mellow cover appeared on the group's 2010 EP <em>A Merry Little Christmas </em>and 2012 Christmas album<em> On This Winter's Night</em>. Watch <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmbLDpy4z50">on YouTube</a>.

  • Michael Buble

    This sultry version <a href="http://www.billboard.com/column/chartbeat/michael-buble-makes-adult-contemporary-chart-1005660352.story#/column/chartbeat/michael-buble-makes-adult-contemporary-chart-1005660352.story">topped Billboard's Adult Contemporary chart </a>last year.

  • John Mayer

    Mayer covered the song <a href="http://www.justjared.com/2008/12/30/john-mayer-mariah-carey-christmas/">at a benefit in 2008</a>.

  • Dads

    These guys from LifeOfDad can't sing, but any man who will belt out this song is a holiday delight.

  • 'Glee,' feat. Amber Riley

    Mercedes sings this rendition in the Extraordinary Merry Christmas episode of Season 3 of 'Glee.'

  • Cee Lo Green

    Cee Lo released this slowed-down, noisy version earlier this year.

  • HMS Ocean

    These British sailors <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/07/hms-ocean-all-i-want-for-christmas_n_1134343.html">created a Youtube sensation</a> when they were stuck at sea for many months in 2011. Mariah loved it. "This is the best thing I've ever seen, you guys just made my day! Happy Happy Christmas!!! x0x0 to the troops," she tweeted.

  • Mariah's Official Video (Black and White)

    Mariah also made a black and white version of the original video, paying homage to 60s girl group The Ronettes.

  • Mariah's Official Video

    Here she is, cuddling with animals, donning a Santa suit and frolicking in the snow with then-husband Tommy Mottola.

 

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