There is a difference between "girls' night out" and "guys' night out."
I went on my first planned girls' night out last week for the first time ever. The two girlfriends I went out with are fairly new friends, who I have become super-close with over the past year. They had never met each other. One girlfriend, the founder of a beauty company, which she sold for gazillions of dollars, is a gorgeous blonde who makes me laugh hysterically. When we usually get together, it's at her house, over protein bars.
My other friend is a producer and dresses like Nicole Ritchie or Kate Hudson (Who she is also best friends with). When she and I get together, it's usually at her place over green tea. On the outside, it would seem my two girlfriends would have nothing in common (one dresses boho, the other dresses designer). I wanted them to meet because I just knew they would get along. My producer friend gives great advice. My gorgeous blond friend needed advice. They are both super fun.
So I planned a girls' night out for the three of us. We all needed a fun night out. We were all stressed for various reasons. But, I want to make it clear: we are not in our 20s, so the idea of going to a trendy bar wasn't exactly our style. Two of us are mothers. All three of us are all recluses, and would much rather spend time at our own homes. We were definitely not looking for men. But, still, we went to one of the trendiest bars in town, known also as a meat market, because this was supposed to be a FUN girls' night out and what were we supposed to do? Hang out at Starbucks? So we drank alcohol. We drank a lot of alcohol.
Midway through the night, is when I realized girls' nights out and boys' nights out are completely different. First, I do not care when my boyfriend goes out for a boys' night. (I mock it, but I don't care.) Go forth! Play poker with your friends. But boyfriends, it turns out, do not really like the idea of girls' nights out.
I have plenty of friends who go on girls' nights out regularly and their husbands don't really like it either. They say they don't mind. But they do. For some reason, their husbands always seem mad at them the next day. I think this is because women get hit on. Now, I'm nowhere NEAR a supermodel, or even a model, or even a 'hot' girl (I give myself a 6.3 out of 10), but it turns out, that when you go to one of the hottest bars in town, all you need is a vagina and men will hit on you. (It also helps to have two blond friends with you. Sorry, it's true. Blondes get noticed!)
The minute we arrived, a man came up to me and said, "I own five houses, including one in Miami, Los Angeles and New York." This, before he even offered his name, as if I would jump into bed with him because of his real estate. Since it was a girls' night out, my friends dragged me away from Mr. Moneypants (or, more likely, Mr. Liar) and we sat at a table. We ordered more wine. We got a little (okay, a lot) messy. The table of men next to us offered to pay for all our drinks (bottles of expensive wine) and our food. And they didn't even talk to us. I'm sure they expected us to come over and say 'Thanks!' We didn't.
My blonder friend was hit on by a cute younger man who wouldn't leave her alone until she literally showed him photos of her teenage children. Meanwhile, my boyfriend called me every hour to check in. My friend's boyfriend was also messaging her all night long. Whereas I would never call my guy on a guys' night out because
a) I realize it's a guys' night out, and
b) I don't want to be THAT girl.
Men, though, seem to care when it comes to girls' nights out. My one friend was so messy that she picked up my phone when it rang (I didn't hear it.) It was my boyfriend calling and she said, "Your girlfriend can't come to the phone. Men are hitting on her." I'm not sure this was true, but I do know that, in my friend's defense, she was so drunk you couldn't possibly take what she said to be true. She could barely stand up straight.
And, yes, if I had called my boyfriend on one of his guys' nights out and one of his friends told me that girls were hitting on him, I too would be mad (and jealous.)
The next day, my boyfriend and I got into our first fight in seven months. It didn't help that I was completely hungover and, of course, grumpy because I spent all night vomiting. But I can see why he would get jealous or worried. Men, as men know about other men best, are persistent and, quite frankly, animals. Though I trust my boyfriend completely, and he trusts me completely, there is just something about these guys' nights out and girls' nights out that just do no bring out the best in us humans.
I learned two important lessons that night. One, if you are ever worried that your boyfriend isn't insecure about you, you're wrong. They do get insecure. And two, girls' nights out are fun! Once in a while, that is.
Rebecca Eckler is the author of "How to Raise a Boyfriend," "The Lucky Sperm Club," and a series of mommy memoirs, starting with "Knocked Up." She is the founder of the website www.howtoraiseaboyfriend.com.