When I was 13, I made a list of the 28 parts of my body that I had to fix in order to be happy.
I kept the list in a lavender envelope under my mattress, together with ads I clipped from women's magazines -- pictures of perfect, sexy models. According to my list, my breasts were too small, my butt wasn't perky enough, my thighs were too fat, and my ankles were embarrassing. My ankles.
When I was growing up in the 70s and 80s, sexy "beer babe" ads were everywhere and blondes with bouncy boobs were used to sell cars. I didn't buy the beer or the cars, but I did learn to hate my body and wish I were someone else. I learned through movies, TV and advertising that it was better for girls to be pretty than smart.
Today, some people act as though sexism has disappeared. In fact, some seem to think women have advanced so far that feminism can be chucked into the dustbin of history.
But if that were the case, why is my young niece bombarded with media images that make those beer babes look as innocent as Minnie Mouse? Speaking of Minnie Mouse, why is she now so skinny? And how did a now-blonde Anne of Green Gables' boobs get so big?
As my niece grows up, I don't want her to suffer from the same obsessive worries and self-loathing that I did. I want her to be proud of her entire self: mind, body and bold, fearless personality. I want her to be surrounded with images of real women with real bodies, who have real power -- not just the so-called power that comes with hypersexualization.
In some ways, it's more confusing for girls now than it was for me. While artists like Lady Gaga and Beyoncé seem to present empowering messages about how "girls rule the world," in their videos they deliver that message half-naked, through pouting lips while humping the ground or spreading their legs.
Girls learn the same message I did: their main source of women's power is our physical appearance. When your body is your only tool, your ideas about self-improvement tends to focus on superficial things like smaller ankles rather than say, developing better critical thinking skills.
According to a recent study by the Canadian Women's Foundation, 90 per cent of Canadians today believe that exposure to unrealistic sexy images of women in advertising is a problem for girls growing up in Canada. Eighty-eight per cent feel it's a problem in TV and movies too.
I am glad that we acknowledge this as a problem, but I don't think we're taking this seriously enough.
We should be outraged at what these messages are doing to our daughters.
The Canadian Women's Foundation study also says 37 per cent of Canadians know a girl who wants to diet or get plastic surgery because she doesn't think she is pretty enough. According to the Public Health Agency of Canada, only 14 per cent of girls in Grade Ten say they feel self-confident (down from 36 per cent of girls in Grade Six).
Constant exposure to unrealistic images of sexualized women is poisoning their self-esteem and placing them at high risk for eating disorders, smoking, and depression.
But what about the boys? As a mother of a tween son, I think about that a lot. There's no question men and boys are being manipulated about what women and girls "should" look like, and learning to measure women's value by their physical appearance.
Some argue that men and boys are also sexualized in advertising, but is it having the same effect? Last week, my son saw a TV commercial featuring an objectified David Beckham in his underwear. (For the record, that is no more okay than the Victoria's Secret ads we are bombarded with during the Valentines marketing season.) But my son didn't worry that he doesn't have abs like Beckham. Instead, he laughed and said, "Mom, why is he on TV looking like THAT? Doesn't he know he's a great soccer player!?"
I want my niece to one day use the same kind of critical thinking when she looks at ads or watches a TV show. The next time she sees Beyoncé do a soft porn Super Bowl performance, I want her to think "Why is she on TV looking like THAT? Doesn't she know she's a great singer!?"
For more information visit www.canadianwomen.org or tweet using hashtag #cdnwomen.
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Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singers Kelly Rowland, Beyonce and Michelle Williams of Destinys Child perform during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic)
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Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Beyonce performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)
Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Beyonce performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Beyonce performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images)
Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Beyonce performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Beyonce performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Beyonce performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Beyonce performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Beyonce performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images)
Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Beyonce performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Beyonce performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Beyonce performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Beyonce performs during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
Super Bowl XLVII - Baltimore Ravens v San Francisco 49ers
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Jennifer Hudson performs 'America The Beautiful' with the Sandy Hook Elementary School Chorus prior to the start of Super Bowl XLVII between the San Francisco 49ers and the Baltimore Ravens at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
Super Bowl XLVII - Baltimore Ravens v San Francisco 49ers
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Musician Alicia Keys performs the National Anthem prior to the start of Super Bowl XLVII between the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)
Super Bowl XLVII - Baltimore Ravens v San Francisco 49ers
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Alicia Keys performs the National Anthem during Super Bowl XLVII between the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
Super Bowl XLVII - Baltimore Ravens v San Francisco 49ers
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Alicia Keys performs the National Anthem during Super Bowl XLVII between the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)
Super Bowl XLVII - Baltimore Ravens v San Francisco 49ers
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Alicia Keys performs the National Anthem during Super Bowl XLVII between the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
Super Bowl XLVII - Baltimore Ravens v San Francisco 49ers
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Musician Alicia Keys bows after singing the National Anthem prior to the start of Super Bowl XLVII between the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
Super Bowl XLVII - Baltimore Ravens v San Francisco 49ers
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Alicia Keys performs the National Anthem during Super Bowl XLVII between the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)
Super Bowl XLVII - Baltimore Ravens v San Francisco 49ers
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Alicia Keys performs the National Anthem during Super Bowl XLVII between the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
Super Bowl XLVII - Baltimore Ravens v San Francisco 49ers
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Jennifer Hudson performs 'America The Beautiful' with the Sandy Hook Elementary School Chorus prior to the start of Super Bowl XLVII between the San Francisco 49ers and the Baltimore Ravens at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
Super Bowl XLVII - Baltimore Ravens v San Francisco 49ers
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Jennifer Hudson performs 'America The Beautiful' with the Sandy Hook Elementary School Chorus prior to the start of Super Bowl XLVII between the San Francisco 49ers and the Baltimore Ravens at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
Super Bowl XLVII - Baltimore Ravens v San Francisco 49ers
NEW ORLEANS, LA - FEBRUARY 03: Singer Jennifer Hudson performs 'America The Beautiful' with the Sandy Hook Elementary School Chorus prior to the start of Super Bowl XLVII between the San Francisco 49ers and the Baltimore Ravens at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on February 3, 2013 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
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So yes, I think we have a real issue when it comes to young women believing that in order to love themselves and be loved by others they have to look and act like Beyonce. But, should Beyonce not express herself as an artist or not act sexual as a woman in order to make sure our kids grow up with the right mindset and understand their own self-worth? No, that's not her job.
Additionally, are there not far more pressing matters for women? How about the women who are beaten to death in honor killings in Saudi Arabia and Pakistan? How about the lack of contraception in the third world, especially Africa, that's causing HIV rates to skyrocket? How about the attacks on abortion and birth control rights in the US? These issues will always be important than whether or not singers are famous because of their outfits.
This is just one of many pressing issues for women (I've blogged on Huffington Post about some of those before) - but that doesn't mean it's not worth discussing - especially if over 90% of Canadians are concerned about it as the recent study shows.
If anything, our culture is quick to shame women for portraying anything but virtue. It takes guts to celebrate your sexuality if you don't look like a runway model, and women don't need you to discourage sexual expression.
In roller derby, I'm surrounding my scantily clad women showing off their bodies. Some of them look like Beyonce, but most are much skinnier or fatter or shorter or taller or paler or darker or more toned or more cottage-cheesey. And they're gorgeous, and they know it (clap your hands). Quit complaining about your hang ups, and use that energy to empower yourself and others.
I have an 11 year old girl and I take this very seriously. That comment sums up my concern with my baby girl. There is nothing more terrifying to a man than becoming a father of a girl. That first sentence sums up my every fear.
Since becoming a father of a girl I do everything in my power to be the type of man that does not objectify women. What bothers me is we have to become fathers of girls to get this. I'm hoping my 4 year old son is better than me.
- Push-up bikinis marketed to girls as young as seven.
- Pink underwear for little girls emblazoned with the slogan: “Who needs credit cards?”
- A “Pole Dancer” toy: children can press a button and watch a girl doll dance and gyrate around a stripper pole.
- Bratz girl dolls (marketed to four-year-olds) come dressed in “miniskirts, fishnet stockings, and feather boas.” Sometimes they are shown wearing “bikinis, sitting in hot tubs, mixing drinks, and standing around.” In contrast to these decorative and passive roles, Bratz boy dolls are active – they play guitar and surf.
Parents can help by talking to their daughters about these issues and so can programs in the community that support girls and focus on media literacy, critical thinking skills and promoting self esteem. And it works. In a recent evaluation of Canadian Women's Foundation funded programs, parents reported that after attending the programs their daughters were more confident, less shy, and more physically active. Eighty percent of the girls said they had better critical-thinking skills, more self-confidence, and a stronger sense of belonging. They also reported improved communication skills, and were more able to focus on their strengths rather than their shortcomings. Best of all, they said the programs helped them feel better about being a girl.
While back before my time it was 100% men objectified women, I know a few women who make their livings on their body, they make 6 figures looking beautiful and being in advertising, and they too look for constant improvement, because OTHER women judge them. Men stare and drool, women judge.
I have noticed that Barbie today isn't an unrealistic shape of a woman, and we have far more women in sport, and women in power positions, heck look at this news paper as an example whos in charge, and she's a flat shoes kinda woman.
How many mothers worried about their daughters seeing these images have taken the time to introduce them to women roll models who aren't half naked? are you seeing out CEO speeches? are you following Womens Wrestling in Canada ( a sport with GREAT success for women, and great example of women succeeding)
Guys today shave their chests because it isn't "sexy" to have a hairy chest, while as a child you don't think about it once you're that teen boy age 16-18 your body image starts to matter a bit more, girls it seems to happen sooner, and last longer. but that is caused by other girls.
I was a Varsity Wrestler, once very thin and fit. I'm much wider through the mid section now, and when the students I coached commented how fat I've become since my days of competition I responded "I'm not fat, I'm so awesome it busts out the middle" It didn't change how I behaved, Truth be told I would love to lose 40lbs & get back to that Vshape men are suppose to have according to media, but it doesn't change my life any more than I sometimes question my meals.
I hear about my weight gain from men & women weekly. It but it doesn't phase me.
It phases people who let it bother them. Unfortunately women put more pride in their selfimage.
This isn't a feminist issue anylonger, this is a media perception issue.
It takes a village to raise a child as the saying was. Today we let that village be the TV, Radio, and Magazines. as a father of a 3yr old boy and a 2yr old girl I hope to be pointing them to the right roll models so they value intelligence and determination over beauty but I am fighting a genetic desire in my quest.