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"A Man's Honour Lies Between the Legs of a Woman"

Posted: 12/ 7/2011 1:02 pm

In Khaled Hosseini's soul-piercing novel A Thousand Splendid Suns, the character Nana, a poor unwed mother, tells her five-year-old daughter, Mariam: "Learn this now and learn it well, my daughter: Like a compass needle that points north, a man's accusing finger always finds a woman. Always. You remember that, Mariam."

Hosseini's novel is about life in Afghanistan, but in the 30 words above he sums up the way men govern the lives of women across most of the Muslim world. Like Mariam, millions of Muslim girls are told very early in life by their mothers that their place in society is one of submission; submission, not to God, but to man.

This ownership or possession of Muslim women by the men in their families was summed up best by professor Shahrzad Mojab of University of Toronto as "the crude Arabic expression that 'A man's honour lies between the legs of a woman.' "

Hosseini could not have imagined that the fictional characters he created in his novel about Afghanistan in 2007 would come to real life in Canada two years later. Since 2009, the country has been caught in the drama unfolding in court where a father, brother and mother are being tried for the alleged honour killing of three daughters and their step mother. In hushed voices and measured commentary, the media is shedding light on the practice of honour killing and its relationship to Muslim culture and Islam.

Rosie DiManno of the Toronto Star sums up the question all non-Muslim Canadians have on their lips, but dare not ask:

"What did the females do that was so deplorable, so unendurable, in the eyes of their family accusers -- if not to the point of homicide, which is for the jury to decide, but to engender the chronic mistreatment that made their existence a misery, as attested to by a slew of witnesses?


Zainab pushed for marriage to a Pakistani man deemed unsuitable -- a union that was dissolved within 24 hours. Sahar had a boyfriend. Both teenagers dressed provocatively when they left the house. Geeti was caught shoplifting. All three chafed against severe restrictions imposed, wanted to be more like their Canadian friends; to date, to socialize, to discard the hijab. And Rona, after two decades in the ménage à trois, reduced to a peripheral role in the family and ejected from her husband's bed -- purportedly, at Tooba's insistence -- had requested a divorce."

Despite the propensity of facts that show honour killings as most prevalent in Islamic societies (with some occurrence among non-Muslim Indians and Christian Arabs) the Muslim leadership in Canada has once again tried to deflect attention from the evidence and denied any links.

First it was the Canadian Council of Muslim Women (CCMW) who came out with a statement denouncing the use of the term "honour killing," suggesting the use of the phrase "customary killing" instead, as if this would make any difference.

Then on Dec. 2, 60 Muslim organizations came together to denounce the deaths of the four women. However, they refused to acknowledge the links between Islamic teachings and honour killings, instead describing the tragedy as "Domestic violence... in the extreme." They said, "practices such as killing to restore family honour violate clear and non-negotiable Islamic principles."

These self-anointed leaders had a great opportunity to come clean about the links between honour crimes and Sharia law, but instead, they tried to deflect attention and spin-doctor the truth.

Sanction of wife beating

Of course they are right in that the Qur'an does not address the issue of honour killing, but it does sanction the right of a husband to beat his wife. Verse 4:34 of The Qur'an is quite explicit:

"Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them."

Without addressing this verse, which gives sanction to the second-class status of women in Muslim male eyes, a discussion cannot lead to any resolution. The 60 Muslim leaders ducked the issue altogether while not a single reporter from the mainstream media asked them if there was a contradiction between their stated position against domestic violence and their belief in the said verse as God's direction to Muslim men on how to discipline errant wives.

The 60 leaders could have stated explicitly that in the era of the nation state of the 21st century, the verse should not apply and be seen strictly in a historic context. Instead they relied on the timidity of the reporters to escape scrutiny.

Stoning to death for adultery

Wife beating is just one behaviour sanctioned by Sharia law that has led to male violence against Muslim women. The other is the sharia law that sanctions the stoning to death of women committing adultery. Stoning is not sanctioned by the Qur'an, but has been part of Sharia law ever since the wife of Prophet Muhammad; Aisha claimed that a goat inadvertently ate up the Quranic verse sanctioning the stoning to death of women.

Stoning women to death is not restricted to allegations -- proven or otherwise -- of adultery; it is applied to all male-female relationships outside marriage, whether it is teenage girls dating boys or mature single men and women in a civil union.

The fact is many Muslim families in Canada do not permit their teenage daughters to have boyfriends, let alone to fall in love in a serious relationship. Dating boys leaves these girls living in a state of terror because this act alone, or the fact that they held hands with a boy or dared kiss him, let alone have consensual sex, is enough to be considered a transgression that can leave a Muslim girl or young woman vulnerable to harassment, beating, or in the case of Aqsa Parvez and the Shafia sisters, death.

The right to date boyfriends

The mosque leadership in Canada and the 60-odd Muslim leaders should have stated explicitly that Muslim teenage girls or young women have the right to date boys or men, but they didn't. It seems in the eyes of these Canadian Muslims, falling in love can only happen in fiction or the movies, poetry or prose, never in real life.

In their ossified state of mind these leaders of Muslims consider these girls or young women, committing an act of sin and that justifies being reprimanded by the men in the family. Is it any surprise that their fathers, brothers and even mothers beat these girls in their homes? Is it any surprise that Aqsa Parvez died, to be followed so soon by the Shafia family's daughters and stepmother?

At the trial of the alleged killers of the four Afghan women, the crown's honour killing expert, Prof. Mojab, told the court that women embody the honour of the men to whom they belong -- first fathers and brothers, later husbands.

"A woman's body is considered to be the repository of family honour. Honour crimes are acts of violence committed by male family members against female family members who are held to have brought dishonour onto the family.''


She said, "Cleansing one's honour of shame is typically handled by the shedding of blood. It's really about men's need to control women's sexuality and freedom.'' Yet mothers, too, will participate in the crime, Mojab added.

Many Muslims, including the liberal Muslim Canadian Congress, stayed away from the charade put up by Canada's leading Islamist groups. They reminded us of the Muslim leaders who met with then prime minister Paul Martin in the wake of the London bombings to assure him that jihadi terrorism had little to do with Islam. Within months we had the Toronto 18.

Not until the 60 so-called Islamic leaders state that Sharia laws against women's rights are no longer applicable, will they be seen as speaking the truth. Until then, they may be able to fool the gullible liberal media, but not those of us who have witnessed the horrors of Islamist misogyny at close quarters.

 
 
 

Follow Tarek Fatah on Twitter: www.twitter.com/TarekFatah

In Khaled Hosseini's soul-piercing novel A Thousand Splendid Suns, the character Nana, a poor unwed mother, tells her five-year-old daughter, Mariam: "Learn this now and learn it well, my daughter: Li...
In Khaled Hosseini's soul-piercing novel A Thousand Splendid Suns, the character Nana, a poor unwed mother, tells her five-year-old daughter, Mariam: "Learn this now and learn it well, my daughter: Li...
 
 
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05:15 PM on 02/01/2012
That's how it was 110 years ago here in America. The marriage contracts all stated that the woman must treat her husband as if he were the Lord. Women couldn't vote etc.. or even become educated. In 1913 my my mother's uncle's wife was the first female to graduate in engineering from Cornell. So ther eis hope for islamic women. They just have to keep pushing for change, for the freedom, power, and equality that they deserve as much as any man does. These Islamist rules are confused with religion because no doubt if religion didn't suit the culture it would not have caught on. I don't think this is a coincidence. People are always fooled by the powerful. Is it something to think about that most religions required royal backing to become accepted? Krishna was a king, Buddha was a prince, Ahknetan was a king, Muhammud was a Prince, Moses was an adopted son of a Pharoah, Jesus had the backing of 3 kings, and if that wasn't enough, Christianity only became legal under the approval of a pagan Emperor, Constantine, on the condition that pagan holidays be included in the Christian calendar (that's why they have Easter Bunnies, and a birthday on the winter solstice among others). With enough financial backing and power even you could start a religion, or get elected President. Sorry for the digression.
12:03 PM on 12/13/2011
Here is what your ideas might result to in a few years. Think you're smarter than your creator huh.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/12/12/toronto-subway-sex-platform_n_1144432.html
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cwebster
predominantly exasperated
06:50 PM on 02/01/2012
What a strange leap of "logic".
12:10 AM on 12/12/2011
No matter what religion the abuser is, they have be held accountable for their crimes. If a Canadian or American Christian or Jewish family did this to a child or a woman it would be child abuse, neglect or domestic violence and the victim moved safe environment once abuse is reported. No one, because of their religion should be able to abuse a child or woman using religion as an excuse. The fact that Muslim clergy did nothing but reinforce this behavior as being cultural and religious is appalling. What is acceptable is we as a secular society living under common laws MUST intercede on behalf of the victims.Punishment needs to be meted out in the harshest manner possible to make an example of the criminals to ensure these crimes stop. All of the children need to be removed from the abusers homes, held to the same safe standards set by law, and only then will women and children be safe from this crazy backward way of thinking and acting. How dare they do this to a human being, and one they supposedly love and are supposed to protect? How dare they do this at all? How dare they take a life? Live within the bounds of our social norms, or be punished for the criminals you are, no matter what your religion.
Great article, sickening and ignorant crimes. What is between our legs is ours and only ours.
08:52 AM on 12/10/2011
The Canadian Islamic clerics go on and on about how they condemn "violence against women," but why are they silent at the attack by jihadi Islamists on Canadian author Irshad Manji in Amsterdam and Brussels? Not one word of protest or condemnation as they all read the party line at Friday sermons.

Is there one mosque imam in Canada that has allowed his daughter to date a boyfriend or fall in love and marry the man of her choice? Just one please.
10:29 PM on 12/10/2011
Your question has three parts. Let me try to answer separately.
1. Has any imam allowed his daughter to date: I would say probably not a single one has ever allowed their children (both girls and boys) to date someone. The point is that they do not need their father's permission to date a boyfriend or a girl friend. I don't know of any single imam who has used violence against their children (male or female) for dating someone. If you do, please share.
2. Has any imam allowed their daughter to fall in love: You do not go to your parents to get their permission just before you fall in love with someone. Imagine a daughter is asking, "Father, may I please love the handsome young man who I met yesterday?". The point is nobody needs anybody's permission to fall in love with anyone.
3. Has any Imam allowed his daughter to marry man of her choice? Islam gave the right to Muslim women more than 1500 years ago. In Islamic juridprudence, if a woman is married against her will, that marriage is supposed to be null and void. I bet that you will find countless imams whose daughters have enjoyed their God given right of choosing their husbands with their parents blessings.
And to close, I just want to ask why are poor Canadian Muslims (minus 10 including Mr. Fattah) are always condemned by the likes of you, damn if they do something, damn if they don't.
05:44 PM on 12/11/2011
That is not what I asked in my opening question, so I will repeat it.

The day these medieval dressed imams were chirping endlessly about "violence against women", a Canadian Muslim author Irshad Manji was attacked by jihadi goons in Amsterdam. Did a single imam or Islamic organization condemn this attack?

As far as Imams and daughters are concerned, one of the most prominent clerics in Toronto, an Egyptian, disowned his daughter for going out with a Pakistani young man.

As a Muslim, why don't you step out from behind the burka of pseudonyms and avatars and identify yourself with a real name?
08:07 PM on 02/01/2012
Nargis, you hit the nail on the head. these clerics are wolves in sheep's clothing and the liberal elements of society are embracing them.
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Tolerant
See perfection in every situation
08:25 AM on 12/10/2011
Dear Mr. Fatah

I pray that your health is improving.

I am excited to learn that your new book, titled, "The Muslim is Not My Enemy", will be published soon.

Can you please tell me when it will be available, and if there will be a Kindle version of it.

Many thanks,

Take care,
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logicalchoice
logic is as logic does
07:12 PM on 12/12/2011
unless you're a woman.
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novabird
Lover of Life, Radical Centrist
10:49 PM on 12/09/2011
It is good to see that Huffington Post is allowing comments on this story. I think it is deplorable that they have closed comments on every story of Mohammad Shafia's so called honor killing of his first wife and three daughters.
10:31 AM on 12/09/2011
“Let me be very clear, killing a girl or a woman, for having an affair, a relationship, a boyfriend, not wearing a hijab, and so on — as dishonourable as they may be considered to be — is not a just cause,” he said. “Murder is an extremely serious crime; it is haram (prohibited) to the severest degree and cannot be justified in any way, especially for girls who are under the care of their parents.”

An excerpt from Imam Sikandar Hashmi's sermon as reported by the Toronto Star:

http://www.thestar.com/opinion/editorials/article/1096490--words-are-just-the-beginning
11:21 AM on 12/11/2011
It is interesting how the imam referred to the possible actions of women as "dishonoura­ble as they may be considered to be" and then called murder a serious crime and prohibited, but made no mention of murder being dishonourable. I would take his sermon more seriously if there was a more direct message about honour.
06:05 PM on 12/11/2011
I just want to say that his sermon was not meant for you. His audience was Canadian Muslim in general and his congregation in particular. However, if you are interested, here is an excerpt (I know it is long) from the actual sermon (actual words). A longer version can be found here:

http://fullcomment.nationalpost.com/2011/12/06/imam-sikander-ziad-hashmi-there-is-no-honour-in-killing/


If you would like to hear the actual sermon, it is found here:

http://sikander.ca/2011/10/21/friday-khutbah-nothing-islamic-about-honour-killings/

And if you like to hear more imams and islamic scholars talking about this issue (in distant as well as recent past), visit the campaign page:

www.facebook.com/EradicateDomesticViolence

Hope this information will help you understand the Islamic scholars' point of view on DV &HK.

"our position, as Muslims, must be unequivocal: Islam does not sanction domestic violence, and especially, not murder.

There is no such thing as “honour killing” in Islam. I ask you to find me one classical Islamic religious text that sanctions the murder of a family member to preserve honour. It just doesn’t exist.

In fact, one of major practices in Arabia, prior to Islam, was female infanticide. It was abolished with the advent of Islam.

“Honour killing” is similar. Why are girls singled out? Have you ever heard of a son killed to preserve family honour? No, girls are being singled out. This is similar to female infanticide.
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08:34 PM on 12/08/2011
A man's honour lies between the legs of a woman" - this has to be the dumbest statement ever uttered by anyone. Men have no honour when it comes to women, this is all about ownership and man's eternal need to keep his jackboot on a woman's neck because he knows that with freedom comes choice and what person (man or woman) would choose to belong to any outfit that sees them as less than human. Muslim women need to go back to the beginning of time and reclaim their rights as human beings. I really don't know what keeps muslim women from killing their men just to get out from under them as their heads seem to be permanently stuck in the middle ages.

Honour killing my left foot - so what, you have your honour which is basically a massive ego but your children lie dead in their graves. If this makes sense to you, you are not human and therefore a monster. God will not condone this on judgement day.

It's a good thing women's honour doesn't lie between the legs of a man - there would be no men left in the world. That might be a good thing if this is as far as they have advanced in their progression as civilized human beings. Throw the book at them and call the crime what it is - murder most foul.
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All Seeing Guy
Center of the storm
08:05 PM on 12/08/2011
"summed up best by professor Shahrzad Mojab of University of Toronto as "the crude Arabic expression that 'A man's honour lies between the legs of a woman.' ""

Well I guess when you've got nothing of note between your own legs....
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bcbailey64
01:38 PM on 12/08/2011
I lived in Japan for 6 years and understand the stress of immigrating to a country with a very different culture. I am sympathetic to that. However, I did not expect Japan to change for me. I knew that I was the one, since I had chosen to live in Japan, who had to make the adjustments. So, while I am sympathetic to the stress that muslims immigrating to Canada must feel, I also strongly feel it is their responsibility to adapt to our culture. If they can't then they should consider living elsewhere.
02:56 AM on 12/09/2011
That is a xenophobic statement. People dont have to adapt to a foreign culture (regardless of what you strongly feel), they have to obey the laws (and not beat up and kill anyone). That is what makes Canada multicultural. Also when you say muslims have to adapt, it implicitly says that it is muslims culture to beat up and kill people. Either way thats not what vast majority of muslim canadians do. In both cases, Shafia girls or Aqsa, families dont seem to have educated background either. I feel that is more indicative of how people deal with various situations they face. Last year a Srilankan ran over his daughers boyfriend because of different caste, I dont think that had anything to do with Srilankan culture.
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tooschool
Mama-se Mama-sa Mama-ku-sa
10:21 AM on 12/09/2011
"Last year a Srilankan ran over his daughers boyfriend because of different caste, I dont think that had anything to do with Srilankan culture."

The running over? I don't follow. If caste is part of the Sri Lankan culture and the dating of the non caste boyfriend was seen as an affront to that culture thus the running over. The running over was symptomatic of the cultural violation, it could have taken many forms. The culture was responsible.
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bcbailey64
01:21 PM on 12/12/2011
Oh but they do. When in Rome, do as the Romans do...
08:12 PM on 02/01/2012
If they are that stressed, maybe they should consider moving back... Oh but wait a minute, did they move to Canada to escape oppression? Talk about having your cake and eating it too. Seems to me the family just brought their demons with them.
11:28 AM on 12/08/2011
unfortunately a white mans shame also lies between the legs of the woman
hope people notice it ( just look at this years American news
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08:37 PM on 12/08/2011
What exactly are you talking about? Enlighten us.
04:03 PM on 12/09/2011
clear as a sunny day
professor Shahrzad Mojab and Mynameisian were commenting on the article in a negetive way
unfortunately they dont recognise there is Zero degree of seperation between Honour and Shame
i suggest the Beholder see they are two sides of the same coin and his toss is his choice only.
also the other sex should recognise it is not a playground or room for rent till they are 25 years to protect cultural values .thus it was and thus it will be thats what natural laws are.hope this will
help begin thinking anew
09:47 AM on 12/08/2011
Excellent post....keep writing this
08:31 AM on 12/08/2011
What happened to these women was deplorable. If what is being alleged about the actions of the parents and sibling is true they have caused a great injustice to themselves and most importantly there daughters/siblings. Their actions do not reflect the teaching of Islam but rather their interpretation of it. Education is key is clarifying Islam stands on the rights and treatment of women. The following are snippets of Islam's view of women...

A God-fearing woman can be superior to a pious man if she excels in her good deeds. No other religious book has given a spiritual position to women as high as the Holy Qur’an did.

“And whoever does some good deeds, be it a man or woman, and is a Muslim, will be admitted to Paradise and they will not be wronged (even as much as) the speck on a date seed.” (Holy Qur’an, Al-Nisa: 124)

“Treat your women well and be kind to them, for they are your partners and committed helpers,” the Prophet said in his last sermon.

The Hadith: “The best among you are those best to their families (wife and children), and I am the best of you to my family,” underlines the importance of kind treatment toward women.

Read more at: http://arabnews.com/lifestyle/islam/article432464.ece
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EagleFliesInSky
Artist at work.
01:00 PM on 12/26/2011
Sure, and now if they would only adhere to those teachings but they don't. They follow the desert law of centuries past.
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cwebster
predominantly exasperated
06:58 PM on 02/01/2012
The problem seems to be that they only pay lip service to this.
12:25 AM on 12/08/2011
Referring to these killings as 'cultural murders' might be more appropriate in that they are borne out of a regressed culture that sees modern civility as a pin prick of light in their world of darkness. The brutish and bestial nature of the act is only made apparent when that narrow light becomes focussed. Up to then, it's decaying presence is insulated by religious dogma whose shield is raised to block the light.
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08:42 PM on 12/08/2011
Let us not dress up these killing with terms such as honour killing, cultural murders, etc. Let us call them what they are: senseless murder of your own children by parents and/or relatives who obviously have been branwashed by either religion or culture to such an extent that they regard other things higher than the life of their children - this makes them monsters in the eyes of God and every right thinking human on earth. Murder is murder - no matter what you call it - someone is DEAD
08:21 PM on 02/01/2012
True religion is this, to visit the widow and the fatherless in their affliction, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world. Murder in the name of religion is false and blasphemous.
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logicalchoice
logic is as logic does
07:24 PM on 12/12/2011
Why not Sharia killings?
08:22 PM on 02/01/2012
If this country keeps on the track we are going, it won't be long before Sharia killings will be legal.
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Blodo
Time to build a better world
10:17 PM on 12/07/2011
Thanks, Tarek, for another progressive and insightful article. If healthy change is to occur within Islam, it will be through the work of those like you who have the courage to say what must be said and the knowledge to make it mean something.
08:24 PM on 02/01/2012
Talk is cheap. Action speaks louder than mere words.