Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
The Purple Fig

GET UPDATES FROM The Purple Fig
 

Miley, Your Dry Humps Are Getting Tired

Posted: 08/26/2013 5:20 pm

So, if you haven't seen Miley Cyrus' performance from last night, check it out here. It's entertaining in a feel-awkward-for-the-person-even-though-she's-famous sort of way.

The reason I'm even talking about this is not because I'm appalled or disgusted or offended or scared for the younger generation of women. I'm just so bored with the dry humps, bra/undie performance outfits and lame dance moves accompanied by rigorous tongue air lashings. I like to twerk as much as the next guy, but come on, humping a foamy index finger?

It was interesting when Madonna gave a wedding veil a few air grinds on stage almost thirty years ago. Yes, 30 years. Sure, she was trying to shock and push lines but today, there is no need. We good.

It's getting lame and laughable, please pass it on.

Thankfully we have Lady Gaga. As seen last night, she takes the piss out of all the hair-flipping, butt-shaking babes before her. Notice the fake smile, coconut bathing suit and off-key bellow at the very end of her performance. Pure genius. If there were more artists laughing at the state of our culture, maybe we'd evolve past the crazy (sense sarcasm) and wild (again, sarcasm) images of half naked chicks dancing provocatively on a world wide stage.

I get that Miley has grown up now. She's 20, dancing in clubs with Molly and humping air like a mofo. It's all good. We get that you own the night. You like to party and use bad grammar in order to rhyme but, can I just give you two pieces of advice? 1) Eat a sandwich and 2) For the sake of people your age and everyone with a brain, do something interesting and different next time. I dare you not to hump air once.

By Trish Bentley

The Purple Fig is a community where women share personal and relatable stories; no ego, no shame. We're about life, love and all of the stuff that makes us yearn, squirm, and giggle. These stories make up the authentic and intriguing journey of a woman.

Sign up for The Purple Fig newsletter coming out every Monday.

Visit The Purple Fig
On Facebook
On Twitter

Loading Slideshow...
  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: Musician Kanye West performs onstage during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Neilson Barnard/Getty Images for MTV)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Press Room

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: Justin Timberlake attends the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for MTV)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Press Room

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: Best Pop Video winner Selena Gomez attends the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for MTV)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Press Room

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: Bruno Mars attends the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for MTV)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: Joseph Gordon-Levitt speaks onstage during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Rick Diamond/Getty Images for MTV)

  • US-ENTERTAINMENT-AWARDS-MTV

    Justin Timberlake with his four awards at the MTV Video Music Awards August 25, 2013 at the Barclays Center in New York. AFP PHOTO/Stan HONDA (Photo credit should read STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Images)

  • US-ENTERTAINMENT-AWARDS-MTV

    Selena Gomez, winner of Best Pop Video, holds award at the MTV Video Music Awards August 25, 2013 at the Barclays Center in New York. AFP PHOTO/Stan HONDA (Photo credit should read STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Images)

  • US-ENTERTAINMENT-AWARDS-MTV

    Justin Timberlake with the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award at the MTV Video Music Awards August 25, 2013 at the Barclays Center in New York. AFP PHOTO/Stan HONDA (Photo credit should read STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Images)

  • US-ENTERTAINMENT-AWARDS-MTV

    Taylor Swift, winner of Best Female Video, walks from stage at the MTV Video Music Awards August 25, 2013 at the Barclays Center in New York. AFP PHOTO/Stan HONDA (Photo credit should read STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Images)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: Taylor Swift speaks onstage during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Neilson Barnard/Getty Images for MTV)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Audience

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: (L-R) Jayden Smith, Willow Smith and Will Smith attend the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images for MTV)

  • US-ENTERTAINMENT-AWARDS-MTV

    30 Seconds to Mars at the MTV Video Music Awards August 25, 2013 at the Barclays Center in New York. AFP PHOTO/Stan HONDA (Photo credit should read STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Images)

  • US-ENTERTAINMENT-AWARDS-MTV

    A reunited 'N Sync including Justin Timberlake (C), JC Chasez (L), Lance Bass (2nd L), Joey Fatone (2nd R), and Chris Kirkpatrick (R) at the MTV Video Music Awards August 25, 2013 at the Barclays Center in New York. AFP PHOTO/Stan HONDA (Photo credit should read STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Images)

  • US-ENTERTAINMENT-AWARDS-MTV

    Justin Timberlake with his four awards at the MTV Video Music Awards August 25, 2013 at the Barclays Center in New York. AFP PHOTO/Stan HONDA (Photo credit should read STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Images)

  • Lady Gaga

    Lady Gaga performs at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Aug. 25, 2013, at the Barclays Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York. (Photo by Charles Sykes/Invision/AP)

  • Ciara

    Ciara arrives at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Aug. 25, 2013, at the Barclays Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

  • Lady Gaga

    Lady Gaga performs "Applause" at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Aug. 25, 2013, at the Barclays Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York. (Photo by Charles Sykes/Invision/AP)

  • Lady Gaga

    Lady Gaga performs "Applause" at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Aug. 25, 2013, at the Barclays Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York. (Photo by Charles Sykes/Invision/AP)

  • Selena Gomez

    Selena Gomez arrives at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Aug. 25, 2013, at the Barclays Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus perform during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Neilson Barnard/Getty Images for MTV)

  • Adam Lambert

    Adam Lambert arrives at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Aug. 25, 2013, at the Barclays Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

  • Jennifer Hudson

    Jennifer Hudson arrives at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Aug. 25, 2013, at the Barclays Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

  • Taylor Swift

    Taylor Swift arrives at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Aug. 25, 2013, at the Barclays Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

  • Katy Perry

    Katy Perry wears a grill that says "ROAR" as she arrives at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Aug. 25, 2013, at the Barclays Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

  • Joey Fatone, Justin Timberlake, Kris Chris Kirkpatrick

    Joey Fatone, from left, Justin Timberlake and Chris Kirkpatrick of 'N Sync perform at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Aug. 25, 2013, at the Barclays Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York. (Photo by Charles Sykes/Invision/AP)

  • Fitness guru Richard Simmons, left, kisses the hand of singer Katy Perry at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Aug. 25, 2013, at the Barclays Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York. (Photo by Scott Gries/Invision/AP)

  • Bruno Mars

    Bruno Mars performs at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Aug. 25, 2013, at the Barclays Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York. (Photo by Charles Sykes/Invision/AP)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: (EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE) Musician Katy Perry performs during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards in Empire-Fulton Ferry Park on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images for MTV)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: (EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE) Musician Katy Perry performs during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards in Empire-Fulton Ferry Park on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images for MTV)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: (EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE) Musician Katy Perry performs during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards in Empire-Fulton Ferry Park on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images for MTV)

  • Miley Cyrus

    Miley Cyrus arrives at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Aug. 25, 2013, at the Barclays Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: (EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE) Musician Katy Perry performs during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards in Empire-Fulton Ferry Park on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images for MTV)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: (EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE) Musician Katy Perry performs during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards in Empire-Fulton Ferry Park on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images for MTV)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: (EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE) Musician Katy Perry performs during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards in Empire-Fulton Ferry Park on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images for MTV)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus perform during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Neilson Barnard/Getty Images for MTV)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: Actress Sarah Hyland attends the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for MTV)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: Daft Punk attends the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for MTV)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: Drake performs onstage during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Neilson Barnard/Getty Images for MTV)

  • 2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

    NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: Justin Timberlake performs onstage during the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards at the Barclays Center on August 25, 2013 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. (Photo by Rick Diamond/Getty Images for MTV)

  • Rita Ora

    Rita Ora arrives at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, Aug. 25, 2013, at the Barclays Center in the Brooklyn borough of New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

 

Follow The Purple Fig on Twitter: www.twitter.com/thepurplefigmag

FOLLOW CANADA LIVING