There continues to be a lot of talk about how to balance work and life and all of your seemingly never-ending obligations. Experts provide tips, books are written, and movies with typical Hollywood endings are made. I think we all know there is no Hollywood ending to this -- it's called life.
I have had possibly every work, life, childcare situation I think exists:
- worked full time
- worked part time
- consulted part time
- consulted full time
- self-employed
Childcare:
- full-time day care
- part-time day care
- no outside childcare
- full-time live in nanny
- full-time live out nanny
- part-time nanny
Put those together in any permeation and combination you want, I've done it all. And guess what? I still don't have the answer! The truth is my needs change year after year and so do the needs of my family. Nothing is perfect. Nope. When I was a full-time stay-at-home mom with young kids, I went nuts. When I worked full time, I was so filled with guilt it nearly killed me. When I had a nanny, I counted the hours she spent with my kids vs. how much time I spent with them.
I had a friend tell me once she was a fantastic part-time mother. Honestly, that kind of resonated with me. And I remember Oprah once had an episode about raising kids with her saying how important it was to live in the moment and be present with your kids. Well, Oprah, it's not so easy to do with deadlines at work hanging over your head, a mortgage to pay, dinner to make and laundry to do.
Look, I get that you do have to be present and play with your kids and that on your deathbed you won't be regretting the dirty dishes. Don't get me wrong. It's just that there is always something that needs to get done. Always. And I love hanging out with my kids and playing. I really do. It's just that the mental list is like the CNN ticker scrolling across my head.
Balance? Sure. Whatever. Here's the truth: there is no balance. But that is OK. Really it is. You just have to make choices. For the next hour I'm going to play with my kids. I'm not checking email or tweeting. And I won't feel guilty about it. Or today I'm working. All day. I'll get the help I need with my kids because I have work to do. Each day or each week is a trade-off. I don't profess to balancing anything perfectly, but I do like that my kids see that both parents work and they understand that we aren't perfect.
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Loren Ridinger: Finding Success Together
Work–life balance - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
5 Tips for Better Work-Life Balance
Are you happy with your work-life balance?
http://www.skinnyscoop.com/question/q/744
--> comes out pretty close to 50:50 with plenty of statements about "balance" being in the eye of the beholder and/or changing day-to-day, week-to-week, year-to-year
What does the perfect job look like to you?
http://www.skinnyscoop.com/question/q/3759
--> it's all over the map...no one answer for the American mom
The reason motherhood isn't a 'respected profession' is because usually, it's a non-market activity. It may very well be a respected activity, but a profession requires market exchange. If you're a nanny, then it's a job. If it's your child, it's not a 'job'.
And, the schizophrenia goes both ways. At work, parents want the best of both worlds...they want the freedom to leave, or do work at their schedule, because of parental duties. Yet, they expect the raises and promotions which non-parents seem to get. You can't have it both ways.
I don't know any parents (myself included), who expect the raises and promotions that other people get. We expect raises and promotions in accordance with our output. On a personal level, I am a high-output, efficient person. So, I get raises and promotions (and have turned down THREE in the last two years that I felt were beyond my ability to commit at this very moment. Though I did eventually capitulate on the fourth.)
When my son was an infant, my raise sucked, and it should have. My direct reports picked up a lot of slack for me that year, and I ensured that the money went their way. OTOH, I work with some men who work 60 hrs/ week and get half as much accomplished as I do in 40. Yes, I expect to be paid more.
I think motherhood IS respected in some circles. If I were at home, my husband's job would be a LOT easier. As many business trips as his company needs, longer hours, no more dr's or dentists appts, no need to share in drop-off/pick-up from school. No more laundry, less yard work. I think that his company officers were quite disappointed to learn (after he was hired) that his wife was a FT working mom. However, the workers a decade behind us in age ALL have working wives.
Balance is essential to enjoying the moment and freeing up time for what you love doing; imbalance leads to struggle and time wastage. That is the inherent message of Yoga/Meditation.
Balance simply means that, if you have 1 hour with your kids today, you will all enjoy it immensely. Balance also expands your "fun time". Life is simply too precious to be stressed.