As I limped "blue balled" to read a book in bed I said to my husband in frustration, "You know if you were fixed, we could be having sex right now."
Equally as frustrated he replied, "What's wrong with using a condom!?"
"I'm ovulating today" I warily replied, "and I don't want to take any chances. The condom could break."
It all started a few minutes earlier when my husband nuzzled my neck and I got a warm tingly sensation. I'd been thinking about sex all that long, long day. As Murphy's Law would have it, it was one of those oh-so-rare spontaneous sex moments where we were both in the sex zone.
I was willing, ready and eager to pounce. Images of clothes being flung off, wild sex occurring filled my day-dreaming head -- it had been so long since both of us had been in the zone I was practically drooling.
But alas, as you've already read, I was ovulating and any sex drive was completely zapped thinking about accidentally conceiving.
In my mind, the answer to our spontaneous sex woes is simple: a vasectomy. Such a minor thing to have in order for us to have a happy and healthy sex life. Or at least for me it is such a simple and minor thing.
Problem is, it's been a year that my husband has been dodging the "you need to get a vasectomy" bullet. He's given some valid and some pretty lame excuses as to why he can't have one.
I've patiently listened to them all trying to be empathetic. Because I do appreciate men get all weirded out when it comes to messing with their "boys." It's the main reason why I've been patiently persistent using condoms.
Hoping too many moments of, "Oh we're in the shower and you want sex. OK. BUT you need to get a condom. Off you go." would wear him down. Nope.
Apparently he's happy to use condoms for the next 50 years of our marriage. I'm growing tired of them and, like this spontaneous horny day, it's getting in the way of my sexual happiness.
So I've booked the appointment. All the while listening to him gripe, stomp all over the house and have a man-temper-tantrum. Which leads me to my point: Why is birth control up to me and why do I have to be the nagging wife to get this done? It just doesn't seem fair.
"You never know what you may want later." This ad successfully plays to our fantasies of being able to choose what we do and don't want in our lives exactly when we want it. If you've never quite abandoned the illusion that your future could be charted through the decision between a split-level and a tudor, this is the Pill for you.
Yes, women have mood swings, but this suggests that we are effectively Jekyll and Hydes every 28 days. Isn't part of selling a product flattering your customer?
According to this ad, using the insertable NuvaRing will allow you to "let your hair down" and cut synchronized swimming class. 'Break free, women oppressed by The Pill!' these women seem to say as they strip into two-piece suits and smile knowingly at one another. (And that wink in the hot tub? We aren't even going to guess what that's about.)
This ad was actually pulled by the FDA. Apparently "We're Not Gonna Take It" wasn't the best song to promote a pill that needs to be taken daily to be effective.
Women in tutus frolic in a forest and crashing waves, joyous that their periods are regularized by Ortho Tri-Cyclen LO. Because doesn't having your period arrive on time make you want to don a ring of pink tulle?
Spy ring? Spandex commercial? Unclear.
Sound familiar? A series of Mr. Wrongs is finally followed by a very sweet, classically good-looking Mr. Right. The ad closes chastely with Mr. Right kissing her goodnight and leaving her at her door (because suggesting actual sex in a birth control ad would just be so tawdry, right?), but now she has opt-ions ..
Brilliant or despicable? This ad targets the stressed-to-the-limit mom by threatening her with the prospect of yet another child to chase around a soccer field.
This ad, the second in our slideshow for Yaz, shows women having "girl talk" about The Pill at a nightclub -- and focusing on how it improves their moods. They never quite mention it's primary purpose: preventing pregnancy.
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