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Stop Giving Single People a Bad Name

04/11/2014 12:38 EDT | Updated 06/11/2014 05:59 EDT

Being single is not a bad thing per se...it's just there is an incredible stigma to being single. Which makes too many singles trying to find 'the-one' all the more desperate.

Singles tend to obsess over their dating life

Why wouldn't they? It's the norm to dissect a potential date; then, once you go out, to scrutinize how the date went. They must follow the confusing dating rules like, "don't call for two days"; and seek nebulous advice on the internet and in the thousands of dating books.

And yet when when someone meets 'the one' they know immediately. It's all about the chemistry and our biological imperatives. It makes me wonder if singles were less cerebral and more in tune to their senses, would they fair better?

Singles obsess because of the stigma of being single

As of 2013 there were approximately 14 million singles in Canada -- which is a significant portion of the population.

It's surprising that as Canadians we proudly accept people based on skin color, ethnicity, gender, or orientation. Yet we are judgmental with singles by (unconciously) perpetuating the belief that happiness and success come through finding a partner. And this social more is everywhere: for example singles have to be represented pre- or post-coupled -- widow, bachelor or divorcees.

It's no wonder the majority of singles find it challenging, playing with their emotions and self confidence.

The feminist movement happened over 50 years ago folks

Why single women still feel they need a guy as the ultimate prize is 'interesting'. It is also a sad social commentary to say single women feel like second-class citizens if they aren't partnered. Yet, being 'single by choice' is on the rise: the number of women living alone has doubled since 1970.

But let's look at how singles are portrayed in media: The Bachelor, where single women do outlandish things to attract one man draws millions of viewers. According to some cultural observers, shows with single gals like Sex and the City, Bridget Jones and Ally McBeal present a harmful distortion of single women.

However, the stigma is also there for men. Males are shamed tremendously for being single, portrayed in the media as nerds or all around losers.

Settling for less instead of nothing?

"Should a single person compromise?" is such a complicated question. On one hand, learning to compromise can be a good skill to learn because it's needed to make a relationship work. Yet not when there is such a profound fear of being single, it explains why many stick with unsuitable relationships.

The fear of ending up alone drives people to compromise when choosing partners. And the stigma of being single is so powerful that many opt for a sub-standard relationship, or stick with one that is breaking down rather than being on their own.

Having to use technology instead of biology

Online dating kibosh's finding a mate based on biology. There are so many advantages to online dating, but a big draw back is we use our intellect instead of our biology. We look at someone's profile and intellectually try to see if they make a good fit; if yes then go on to meet them and hope there is chemistry.

How many singles passed over someone because the match didn't look good on paper but having met would have shared a chemistry? Many couples confess the person they chose was not even close to who they thought they would end of with, but there was an immediate chemistry and they just knew.

Singles are forced to over think dating and are victims to societal beliefs

Being in a relationship does not make you a better, more achieved person. You can be completely lonely at times when you're by yourself, but you can feel the same thing when you're with someone.

Here's the irony: When a single finally finds 'the one' they find out quickly being in a relationship isn't easy at all. Relationships are hard work. And if anything people in relationships have more problems than singles.

Luckily the single by choice movement is growing. But so long as society pimps this "you complete me" ideology, singles will always feel like they are missing out on a happy, fulfilled life.

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